Unforgivable
by the Prince's Jewel
Summary: And to think, this started out as a one-shot..... a series of traumas makes Goku Vegeta's willing slave. COMPLETE
1. Spiralling Down

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"Catch me if you can!" His smile thrown over a bare shoulder, his body poised for a dive.

"As if I couldn't!" Standing, noticing the tapering waist, slender hips. Taut buttocks and legs tense, the other springs, diving deeply into the pool. Sudden, unnerving realization.

"Can't catch me!" as he surfaces in the middle.

A sudden urge - primal, savage, demanding. The shock of cool water. Fierce determination, surfacing behind the other, capturing him. Subduing him when he tried to slip free, not knowing that it is no longer a game. The fury, as the fight becomes real.

The water roiling with the fight, becoming tinged with blood. Dark hair becomes blond, the fight becoming more furious. A welter of half-formed thoughts. Delight with the battle, there is no holding back. The feel of his body. A savage ecstasy as he is penetrated, his despairing howl. The water reddens with his blood, the air fills with his screams and cries. Half-dragging him from the water, dominating him again as he pleads, beating him down. Leaving him there in a pool of his own blood.

He held the needle against his skin. A deep breath, another. No one would ever believe he could do such a thing to himself, that he would. Exquisite agony as he pierced the skin, found the vein. A moment later, he was done. He used a brief burst of energy to destroy the needle. No one must ever know.

His perceptions shifted. Yes, it was taking effect. The world around him blurred, then faded. He rested against the tree, content just to sit. Colors began dancing, resolving themselves into a form. He blinked. This wasn't supposed to happen! This was what he was trying so desperately to forget! _Narrow waist, slender hips. "Catch me if you can!"_

He fumbled the blue pill from his pocket, swallowed it. _A shallow dive, the capture. "You have been neglecting your training. I will have to teach you a lesson_." No, no, I don't want to see this! _Twisting, fighting to be released. Domination._ The vision dissolved into fractured colors, the memory finally subdued under the combined forces of the drugs.

Goku split the firewood mechanically. No yelling, no spinning. Just set up and split. Chi-Chi, watching from the window in front of the kitchen sink, wondered about the Saiyan's uncharacteristic action. Usually he made such a production out of everything, but lately…. She sighed. Lately, Goku just hadn't been himself. He hadn't argued about needing to train when she wanted him to do chores. He hadn't eaten everything in sight and still been hungry. She paused, a dish in her hand, staring at him. Now that she was actually thinking about it, she didn't think he'd done any training for awhile. Was her husband ill?

Another log split, firewood raining down in a neat stack. Goku paced along the pile, gauging it. There should be enough to last a few days, even at the rate they used it in winter. And with it being summer, they would certainly get by for awhile. He trudged to the garden, and began pulling weeds. Maybe a fishing trip after he finished this?

A shudder ran through him. Okay, maybe not fishing. Gathering, then. There were some apple trees and berry bushes that he could collect fruit from. That would keep him out of Chi-chi's way for awhile, and still give him something to do. He did not want to get stuck doing the laundry again.

"Vegeta! Vegeta! Oh, there you are." The tone was not agreeable.

Vegeta looked up at his wife. "What do you want?"

"You were supposed to go to the dinner party."

"Dinner party?" Face and tone both blank. "What dinner party?"

"The one to recognize my taking over the company from Father." Bulma tapped a toe, angrily, then shook her head. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"None. I was training."

"You are always training! You have a family, you know! You could spend a little time with us!"

Vegeta returned to his contemplation of the clouds. "Doing what? The children have no interest in anything other than dating, which I have no interest in, and you never discuss anything but your work. The clouds are better company."

Bulma stared at him, too furious to speak. She wheeled suddenly, and went marching back the way she'd come. He dropped his gaze from the sky to watch her out of sight. "The clouds really are better company…"

_He… I… This can't be! Can not be! I… I won't allow it! I'm the Saiyan prince! These kinds of things are not supposed to happen to me!!!!_ Vegeta sat up suddenly, gasping for air. His breath was quick, shallow; his body covered in cold sweat. He trembled, trying to contain the emotional bomb he'd become, struggling to keep himself under control. He groped for the glass on the night stand, knocking it over. It took him a moment to realize it.

"Damn!" He flung the covers off, snatching the glass off the floor. His progress for the connecting bathroom was somewhat unsteady. Between his training, and that damned dream, he wasn't feeling like being upright. He settled the glass on the counter, then found himself gripping it to stand.

_Warm heat, slippery flesh. The conquest, the blood, the sound of bone breaking_. He shook his head, dispelling the images of the dream. His hands shook when he filled the glass, slopping water when he lifted it to drink. _"No! Don't! Stop, please stop!"_ The picture shifted, but the words were the same. He moaned, and slid unconscious to the floor.

He woke there several hours later. He stared at the tile beneath his nose, wondering how he came to be sleeping on the bathroom floor. Wondering why no one had noticed he was sleeping on the bathroom floor. He pushed himself off, heavily, then used the edge of the sink to pull himself to a standing position. He made his way carefully to the door, then staggered across the room to his empty bed. He gathered himself, and made his way to the GR, completely forgetting about breakfast. He wasn't hungry, anyway.

_It wasn't me. It didn't really happen. It was just a dream. Just a really bad nightmare. A nightmare I don't want to remember!_ The needle slid into place, his relief would soon follow. This place, this familiar place, would soon be nothing more than a blur of colors and distorted sounds. He didn't mind. As long as it kept the nightmares away, he didn't care what happened.

Her husband, rigid beside her, still wide awake. He hadn't slept now for three nights, and only fitfully for the last few months. He told her he napped out in the woods when he found trees for their firewood, but his eyes didn't meet hers when he said it. She knew he was lying. "Why are you still up?"

"I'm not up."

"Awake, Goku. You're still awake."

"Oh." She had to wait. "I can't sleep."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm just not tired enough yet."

"You haven't slept for three days, Goku." Her voice was getting shrill, and she leaned over him now.

He flinched. "I told you, I took a nap. I'm fine, Chi-chi, really. Don't worry. I'm just not ready to sleep yet."

"I want to know what's going on." Now she sat up, pulling the blankets off him to wrap around herself. "Tell me."

"It's nothing important, Chi. Give me back the blankets! I'm freezing!"

She stared at him a long moment. "Goku?"

"Yes?"

"Go watch late night TV."

When would it end? Why couldn't he forget this? Why? He shook another pill out. Why had the other challenged him like that? Why had his reaction been so… so…. He couldn't even begin to describe it, didn't want to think about it. He swallowed the pill.

So many things lost to that nightmare. He couldn't train anymore, no longer had a well-matched sparring partner. He had lost a friend, as well. But why had it happened? He couldn't get his mind off it, so he popped another of the blue pills. One way or another, he'd forget.

_"You belong to me now. Know that. You are mine." Watching as the other flew away, leaving him bleeding and broken. The ache in his body, his mind… the gaping wound in his soul - his innocence lost, ripped away. Struggling to reach his clothes, the senzu bean. Sweet relief as the physical wounds healed. Crying as he dressed, unable to cope with the horror he'd been through. Blocking it completely from his conscious mind._

But he couldn't block his dreams.

He blinked. Not again! How much would he have to drug himself before he would forget? Another needle and another pill had upped the dosage to the point he didn't think he would be able to recognize her if his wife came in. He certainly couldn't stand on his own, but he tried. His attempts to use the wall of the GR to pull himself up were half-hearted at best, and he slumped back to the ground.

Maybe he just had to remember. Maybe he couldn't forget.

"Why? Why did you do it?"

He examined the apparition before him, the other's form standing out from the blur around him. "So beautiful…" he breathed, even as he fumbled at the lid of the pill bottle. He shook it gently, scattering the blue pills across the floor in front of him. "I don't want to remember." He swept up a handful of them, had them almost at his mouth when his hand stopped moving. A tiny little frown appeared. "Why won't my hand move?"

Goku held Vegeta's wrist, too shocked to speak. _He_ recognized those pills. He'd helped Bulma force them down Vegeta's throat more than once. Tranquilizers. Vegeta shifted, trying to get to his handful of pills, and Goku saw the needle lying on the floor. "Vegeta… what have you done to yourself?"

This was new. The dream never did this. Maybe this was absolution. Vegeta smiled, an uncertain hand reaching up to caress Goku's cheek. "So very beautiful," he slurred, "so very strong." Vegeta looked so different, a soft smile lighting the often harsh features, his body completely relaxed, except for the hand he was still absently trying to move. Goku tensed, eyes wide with remembered terror at his gentle touch. "I need more pills to forget."

"For… forget?" Goku swept aside the pills Vegeta hadn't picked up. "Why would you want to forget? You enjoyed it!"

A moment of clarity in the misted dark eyes. "Do you think I liked what I did? Do you think I enjoyed discovering that I was no better than Frieza, that I would take an unwilling Saiyan just to prove my power over him? I _refused _to do that on his ship, even though I received his special attention for refusing! And now, I've done it. He'd be so pleased. Do you think it was fun, reliving through you what I lived through under him? I want to _forget_. I want to forget it all." Vegeta tried again to move the hand Goku held. "I need those pills. I have to forget… if only for awhile. Why can't I take them?"

It was only then that Goku realized Vegeta didn't think he was really there. Vegeta would never be so open with him, reveal such truths about himself and his past. Especially _that_ part of his past. Vegeta had beaten him savagely, breaking his arm and most of his ribs, striking viciously, making Goku scream in agony even as he was brought to a shattering climax. How many times had Vegeta been given that kind of treatment? "Vegeta…"

But Vegeta was lost to him, caught again in his daze. He continued talking, his words slurring again. "So beautiful… so strong. I wanted that beauty, the strength. And realized it - horrible. I do not feel such things. I do not allow such things. That is not the way I am. I am the Saiyan prince, I am supposed to be the strongest of my people. But you, you beat me, over and over and over, always the stronger.

"And then you challenged me. I felt the surge… a rage too intense for words, a desire too much to be born. I could not… could not control it." Again, he reached to caress Goku. "And I don't wish to remember. I wish to forget."

"Not this way, Vegeta. Not these pills." Goku pried them from his hand, flung them to the other side of the room. A brief flare of energy ensured their demise. "It never happened. It _was_ all just a bad dream." A bit of IT, and they were in the prince's room. Goku settled him in the bed. "You'll wake up, and you'll know it was just a bad dream." Goku kept repeating that, hoping that the drugs the prince had taken would help with the lie.

He waited until he was sure Vegeta really was asleep, and went home. He curled on his couch, shivering convulsively. _He_ hadn't been dreaming. It _had_ been real - he'd been reliving what he'd actually gone through. He hadn't coped well thinking it was just a dream, what was he to do now?

Vegeta woke slowly, drowsily taking in the comfort of the bed he laid in. The morning sun was barely over the horizon, lighting the room with the pale pink blush of dawn. Almost, it reminded him of home. He sat up, stretched languorously. Then he frowned, remembering with startling clarity the dream? of last night. It had been a dream, hadn't it? He'd been in the GR, not in his room.

Needle tracks. If it had been real, there should be some proof. But examination of his arms showed nothing. He checked his pockets, there were no pills. Why in the world had he gone to bed in his clothes? He shed them hastily, moving to the bathroom. A shower was definitely in order.

No marks. None anywhere on his body. Had it truly been a dream? He shampooed his hair, rubbing furiously. Perhaps he should go visit Kakarot. That would certainly tell him something. If he truly had raped the other Saiyan, Kakarot wouldn't greet him as he normally did. Would he? _"Not this way. Not these pills. It never happened. It _was_ just a bad dream. You'll wake up, and you'll know it was just a bad dream."_ The words rose from his memory, Kakarot's voice shaky, yet still compelling.

Vegeta dressed quickly, leaving a vapor trail behind him as he shot away from Capsule Corp.

Goku's face froze in sudden terror as he felt the pulse of energy approaching, and he choked on the egg roll he'd been munching. He should have known Vegeta would come. He should have! He coughed a few times, then polished off the egg roll. He _must_ act naturally.

"What are you doing here?" Goku's face swiveled towards the door, eyes wide. He'd totally forgotten about Chi-Chi! A shiver coursed through him at the growled response. "Well, too bad. Goku has chores he needs to do. Go away."

"What's going on, Chi-Chi?" he called.

"Nothing to worry you. Just an unwelcome caller."

There was nothing polite about the angry snarl that followed that remark. "Hey, is that Vegeta?" He hopped from his chair, swinging Chi-Chi away from the door. "Hey! It is you. Long time no see. What brings you here? Want to spar?"

Vegeta stepped inside, examined the younger Saiyan. Dark circles indicated the loss of sleep Goku hadn't realized he'd need to hide. The effervescent greeting sounded a bit forced. Besides, Kakarot would have recognized him long before he'd gotten to the door. His eyes swung toward the table. "You left food to ask me a foolish question?"

"Well, you sounded a little mad. I didn't really want you to get all that upset with Chi-Chi," Goku grinned, then grimaced as his wife elbowed him. She was on a tirade that neither Saiyan paid any particular heed. "You hungry? There's some left." Goku forced himself to turn to the table and his unfinished plate.

"No." Vegeta turned to silence Chi-Chi, when her words suddenly registered. "He's been what?"

"I said," she snapped, "that he's been doing his chores instead of training all the time. I don't intend to let you mess that up."

Vegeta looked away from her, directly at Kakarot's suddenly still form. "Kakarot?"

"I… ah… haven't really felt much like training?" Goku picked up an egg roll, took a bite. A small bite.

"Really?" Vegeta paced slowly up to him. Goku shivered uncontrollably, tried to hide it by taking a drink. "I don't believe you."

"Well, aren't I entitled to a few off days? I train all the time, Vegeta. I'm just… taking a vacation."

"From training? When it might save the world someday?"

"Vegeta! Even I have to take a break sometime!" Goku complained around a mouthful of noodles.

Vegeta stalked closer. He reached out, his hand settling on the other man's shoulder. He saw Kakarot flinch, felt him tense. "Kakarot…" His voice faded as his grip tightened. "You should not have neglected your training. It seems I must teach you a lesson now."

Kakarot went chalk white, the chopsticks falling from his hand. Vegeta could feel him trembling even as he raised frightened eyes to the prince. "No… please… no…"

Vegeta dropped his hand, spun on his heel. "Perhaps not. I have better things to do."

Vegeta measured out the dosage carefully. He must not make any mistakes this time. He must not see Kakarot this time. He must not feel him, hear him. He had been so ready to believe it had all been a dream, but the other man's fear of him-fear the great Saiyan had never shown-had proven all too well that he had not dreamed what he had done.

-0-


	2. Broken Memories

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"Do you think I liked what I did? Do you think I enjoyed discovering that I was no better than Frieza, that I would take an unwilling Saiyan just to prove my power over him? I refused _to do that on his ship, even though I received his special attention for refusing! And now, I've done it. He'd be so pleased. Do you think it was fun, reliving through you what I lived through under him? I want to forget. I want to forget it all. I need those pills. I have to forget… if only for awhile."_

_Reliving through me. He said he was reliving it through me. That means that Frieza… did that to him._ Goku shuddered. He remembered now, everything that had happened, everything he'd tried to forget. His nightmares had been true memories, not just dreams. _But Vegeta's so strong! Why would he turn to drugs? That's not like him._

Goku sighed, opening his eyes. Meditation was just not working for him today. Usually, he could clear his mind of anything, but today, he got the endless loop of that horror, and its aftermath. Maybe he needed to work it out of his system before he could deal with it. He hopped up from his seat under the tree, and began his workout. Not until he'd managed to batter himself eight times when he'd meant to dodge the attacks he'd circled did he decide to give up. Obviously, the only thing that was going to get him through what had happened was to face it, admit it, and accept that it had actually happened.

He sighed, and laid back down under the tree. Goku watched the leaves swaying, trying to focus only on the events, not the emotions. "Okay, so why? Did he say why?" He frowned. He'd been so surprised to find the prince taking pills, to realize that he was drugging himself, that the conversation was hazy. Had Vegeta called him beautiful?

_"So beautiful… so strong. I wanted that beauty, the strength." _Oh, yes. He remembered now. And Vegeta saying he had challenged him. Goku frowned. They'd sparred, and had been relaxing. He hadn't issued another challenge! They'd gone swimming. He hadn't asked for a race, or anything like that, had he? His frown deepened as he tried to remember the events leading up to the savage, brutal rape he'd gone through. "Oh, oh. Oh no. I told him to catch me if he could!"

Goku buried his face in his hands. "I _did_ challenge him. It's my fault!" And still, something bothered him. He was stronger than Vegeta, and they both knew it. So…

"Hm? Oh, Vegeta. He's out in the GR." Bulma pointed in the general direction of the latest gravity room.

Goku walked up the short ramp, pushed all the appropriate buttons. Somehow, it didn't surprise him to find Vegeta sprawled on the floor, unconscious. He picked the pill bottle up off the floor, shaking it. It rattled, which relieved him a little. There was no sign of a needle this time, to his intense relief. He'd been surprised, once he realized it, that he hadn't freaked out at the sight of the needle Vegeta had used on himself before.

Goku picked the limp body of the floor, a bit unsure now of what to do. He couldn't talk to Vegeta like this, but he knew the prince would have a fit if anyone else found out about his little problem - and might do worse than that if anyone found out the reason behind the problem. Walking from the GR, he shot into the sky. There was plenty of open country, he'd take Vegeta somewhere quiet.

There were chi tethers on him, holding him down. He struggled futilely, feeling sick and weak. What was wrong with him?

"Oh, good, you're awake. Are you hungry?"

The thought of food made his stomach heave, and he spent several uncomfortable moments realizing he'd already emptied it.

"I guess not. Feel awful?"

He didn't answer, too busy trying to figure out where he was and how he'd gotten there. A small fire burned nearby, around a rocky outcropping. The only other source of light were the bands holding him. There wasn't much to see, he appeared to be in a cave.

"Hey." A darker piece of darkness moved, a figure looming over him. He recoiled instinctively, but couldn't run. "Vegeta? Can you hear me?"

"Yes." It hurt to say, his throat felt like it was on fire. He felt the tethers loosen, and he fell forward against the figure.

"Oh, good!" He was being helped toward the fire. "A lot of the time we've been here, you didn't know I was here. I was starting to worry about you."

"How long?" It hurt to talk, but apparently this figure was friend, not foe.

"Awhile. It took a long time for the drugs to wear off, and even longer for you to stop begging for them."

Drugs? He staggered, was helped to sit. "Drugs?"

"Yeah. Do you remember anything?"

He was saved from answering as a cup was held to his mouth. He drank, swallowing carefully. His throat was raw, and when he coughed a moment later, there was blood on his hand.

"You screamed and screamed for a long time, Vegeta. I had a hard time keeping you from hurting yourself."

Vegeta frowned. He knew the voice, didn't he? It seemed familiar. "Who are you?"

"Goku. I'm Goku. Don't you remember me?"

The name was familiar, about as familiar as his own, and as familiar as the voice. When Goku threw more wood on the fire, Vegeta got a good look at him. Again, a teasing familiarity tugged at his mind. "No."

The other man's brow creased, lips pursing in thought. "Oh! I know. You always called me by my Saiyan name, Kakarot!"

Vegeta's head began to ache fiercely. He dropped it to his hands. Kakarot. That was also familiar. "Low class baka," he murmured, wondering what it meant.

"Yes, that's another thing you always called me," Goku grumped, then smiled. "But at least you remember something!"

The man's energy was exhausting. Vegeta slumped. He felt like he should be able to trust this man, but at the same time, there was something about him that triggered anxiety. "No."

"No? What do you mean?" A cup held to his lips, the man continuing blithely, "No, don't talk. This stuff should help your throat. Chi-Chi used to make me & the boys drink it whenever we stayed out in the rain longer than she thought we should."

Vegeta drank obediently, listening to the man's continued prattle. He said absolutely nothing of any significance, and yet managed to tell Vegeta a great deal about them, their families, and their friends. Finally, he wound down. "I bet you're tired, too, and all achy. Gohan said you might be, I had to ask somebody what to do, and he came to see what was wrong because your chi was fluctuating so oddly. He said to make sure you took these."

On his outstretched hand was a small green pill. Goku's voice changed, almost singsongy as he recited carefully, his eyes closed to help recall. "The blue one once a day, the red one with each meal, and the green one before bed until I say otherwise." His eyes opened. "I mean, until Gohan says so. He's a doctor."

Vegeta took it wordlessly, swallowing it down with the sweet stuff in the cup he held unsteadily. "He said they're supplements, to help you get better, not medicine. Said the last thing you needed was more drugs. The tea's herbal."

_Herbs can be drugs_. It was the last thing he knew.

Goku kept watch over him, wondering about Vegeta not knowing him. That hadn't been one of the possibilities his son had mentioned as a side effect of all the sedatives Vegeta had been using. He'd been through the others, though. Gohan had been of the opinion that Vegeta had been using more than just sedatives, especially after Goku had told him about the needle. Could he have drugged himself so badly it had affected his memory? He hadn't reacted to any of the stories Goku had told him, hadn't shown any sign of recognizing any of the places or people he'd mentioned.

Goku watched the battered prince sleep, the first deep sleep the other man had gotten since Goku had found this place to keep him safe - and others safe from him. Vegeta shivered and whimpered, curling up into a little ball. A bad dream, and Goku moved to sit next to him, running a soothing hand through the other's thick hair. He only hoped Vegeta wasn't dreaming about Frieza, and was pleased when Vegeta relaxed and sank deeper into sleep.

Now he faced a new dilemma. If Vegeta didn't remember him, he couldn't remember what had happened between them. Goku frowned. He didn't want to bring it up before Vegeta had remembered it, but at the same time, he wasn't sure he wouldn't not burst out with it. He _needed_ to talk to Vegeta about what had happened. Goku sighed, sliding down to lay beside the prince. Soon, his snoring echoed through the cavern.

Vegeta sparred with Goku, concentrating on not being beaten to a pulp. This, apparently, was normal, from the absolutely delighted grin he was trying to wipe off the other's face. Although, Goku had been training while he'd been sick, which could account for the difficulty. The constant chatter was at least temporarily suspended while they pummeled each other, except for Goku giving occasional unwanted advice.

He fought furiously, both with his sparring partner and against the occasionally glimpses of a memory he had apparently deliberately forgotten. His wife had said there was absolutely nothing wrong with him, and Gohan had agreed with her. There was no reason, apparently, why he couldn't remember any of them.

So he trained. His body fought, his mind analyzing his moves after the fact, trying to determined why he had done such and such. He had mastered some of the easier things, like flying, a few months after Goku had brought him home. He watched the few videos of training he had done, of tournaments he'd entered. And he practiced, determined to be able to accomplish the things he had known how to do before, even if he never remembered anything.

His mind had wandered too far from the spar he was in, and Goku's fist caught him squarely in the face, sending him plummeting to form a crater in the earth below. Vegeta laid still a moment, stunned, before returning to the fight. This time, he was determined to focus. Goku, however, called a halt. "Bulma's got food!" he exclaimed, pointing happily.

Vegeta joined him at the table, where the larger man was busily demolishing a huge helping of egg rolls. He watched Goku eat in disgusted fascination, unable to believe that the buffoon had no table manners at all. He'd met the man's wife, and considered the fact he hadn't learned any to be a major miracle. His own food, while going down almost as quickly, was much more politely consumed. It was possible to watch him eat without feeling the need to comment on manners.

He didn't really know what to think of the younger Saiyan. At most times, he was completely innocent and totally clueless. When he fought, however, he was dangerous and calculating, though never vicious. Vegeta had learned that Goku was completely trustworthy, and loyal to his friends. His family seemed almost an aside, but that he loved them deeply, and was loved in return, was obvious to anyone who got to know him. And it was also obvious, at least to Vegeta, that the younger man was desperate to understand something that Vegeta no longer had any memory of.

Vegeta frowned. So many times, Goku had started to say something, only to pause in confusion, and ask if Vegeta had any of his memories back. And when told no, his look of desolation and loss told Vegeta that whatever it was Goku wanted to ask him, it was vitally important to the man. He was getting tired of being asked at least once a week.

_Blood in the water, cries of pain._ Vegeta shook his head, banishing the vision. He had no idea what it meant, but it made him uneasy. It was familiar, but in a very bad way. Something, he was sure, that had happened more than once. He'd learned enough of himself through the stories the others had told to know that he was a warrior, and one of the two last Saiyans alive. Warriors often were in pain, he was fairly certain the vision had something to do with a fight, or perhaps the destruction of his people.

His people. He sat back in his chair, eyes on the still-feeding Kakarot. That one was the other of his race, yet knew nothing about them that he, Vegeta, had not told him. He'd lost his memory as a small child, grown up as an Earthling named Goku. And the sparse bits that he could recall Vegeta telling him had not begun to fill the aching void Vegeta felt when he thought of his people.

What had they been like, when not at war? Goku had blinked in confusion when he'd asked that, and merely said that Saiyans were warriors. Vegeta hadn't been able to get any more detail out of him, and didn't understand why he wouldn't have told the other about the culture of their people. They couldn't always fight, after all! Could they?

"Vegeta? Do you want some more spaghetti?"

He broke from his reverie at Goku's question, blinking in confusion as the question sank in. "No." He rose from the table. "I've had enough. I'm going to go train some more."

"Same old Vegeta," he heard the blue-haired woman, Bulma, say as he walked away. "Not even loosing his memory has shaken his determination to beat you, Goku." The man's answer was lost as he turned the corner and took off into the sky.

Goku sat morosely at the edge of the pool, throwing pebbles into the water. This place, this was where it had happened. The vegetation had made something of a comeback, but the large trees that had grown up around the pool were blasted, destroyed for almost a mile around the pool. He had fought so fiercely, and failed so thoroughly.

But how? He was stronger. Even now, after Vegeta had nearly killed himself, and recovered, he was still stronger. How had Vegeta beaten him? Had he… had he wanted Vegeta to do that to him? No. He remembered how hard he had fought, once he'd realized that the fight was real, and how hard he'd tried to get away when he'd understood exactly what Vegeta planned to do to him. He'd even gone SSJ3, and Vegeta had still beaten him.

Another pebble, another series of ripples. Had beaten him easily, at that. Vegeta didn't remember a thing. He didn't remember what he'd done to Goku, he didn't remember anyone doing it to him. Perhaps it was best this way. _After all,_ Goku reminded himself firmly, _I did tell him that none of it ever happened. Maybe his memory loss is just a delayed reaction to me telling him that so many times? I'm stronger now…I should be happy about that. I'm a Saiyan warrior, to be stronger is good._ His attempt to rationalize and accept the event died again, a tear slipping down his face. Yes, he was stronger now. But the cost had been too high.

And besides, Vegeta was asking questions Goku couldn't answer. And he kept trying asking if Vegeta's memory was back. It was bound to come back, sooner or later, wasn't it? He frowned. Perhaps not. His own never had, and he'd been hit on the head plenty of times since he'd lost it. And he'd certainly suffered enough trauma recently to have jolted it back. So maybe, like his own, Vegeta's memory would never return.

He threw on last pebble into the pool, and turned. His face paled, and he took a step backward, his hands moving instinctively to ward off danger. Glittering black eyes observed him closely, then narrowed. "You're neglecting your training, Kakarot."

---------------------------------

Hehe… now, has he recovered his memory, or is that just an unfortunate choice of words at the moment? Sigh… Now it's all really complicated… *wanders off, trying to determine if the memory's back or not* 


	3. Broken Recovery

Well, I'm going to try saving in a different format, yet again, and see if ff will let me upload it. Supposedly, it will, but I've tried before and it hasn't worked. I do not like what html does to my formatting. And I really hate txt! (Okay, I tried, it didn't work. Dammit! You're stuck with html. Oh, go review)

My favorite reviewer at the moment is Tokoosu (which I think I've misspelled. I don't have the net at home, which is where I write J ). Nothing quite like being told your characters are realistically emotional (I'm paraphrasing), and then being informed that the reviewer positively hates your story! I loved it! Course, since Veggie wasn't dead, I did have to make a few corrections, and now, oh joy, it's up to 3 parts, and getting complicated. Is okay. I'll muddle through. You all just tell me if I'm a good muddler.

Yes, I know the pov thing is hard to understand sometimes. I had done that on purpose, it was supposed to be hard to tell who was who at first. I will try not to do that for the rest of the story. Yell at me if I confuse you again. For true confusion, read Confused Relationships. (Sigh. I get confused, so it extends to the writing occasionally. My poor friends think I'm batty.) (Awk! Bats in October. I need to shut up.)

Now, let's see, where were we? Oh yes. Vegeta just scared the hell out of Goku.

------------------------------

Vegeta advanced toward Goku, slowly. Narrowed eyes watched with some amusement as the other man took a step back for each he took forward. He laughed slightly, a mocking sound nearly devoid of humor. "You really shouldn't neglect your training."

Goku took another step backwards, only to trip and fall on his butt. He scrabbled backwards as Vegeta moved forward, eyes widening in terror at the words. _I have to get away! Not again!_ Too scared to think, to focus on anything except Vegeta, he couldn't even IT away. He whimpered, not even noticing that he had backed against the very rock he'd dove from that day, and wasn't going anywhere, in spite of the frantic movements of his hands and feet gouging into the dirt to propel him further from the prince.

Vegeta watched him, his amusement fading as he realized the other Saiyan wasn't pretending to be scared because he'd been startled, but truly terrified. He shot a quick glance over his shoulder, and around an area that was obviously recovering from being blasted, but saw nothing to cause such fear. A faint prickling of unease swept him when he refocused on the now sobbing Goku. The man was _afraid_ of him? Goku could beat him any day of the week, and they both knew it.

The rock shattered under the pressure Goku had been putting on it, and he shot over the remains, to splash into the pool. Vegeta hauled him unceremoniously out by his hair. The man hung limply from his grasp, his entire body shaking, arms wrapped tightly around himself. Vegeta could just barely make out the words he was repeating over and over…. "Not again, please no, not again." Blood dripped into the pool from the few wounds he'd given himself. 

_Blood in the water, cries of pain._ Vegeta dropped Goku at the edge of the water, spinning to stare at the pool, turning to examine the area more closely. He saw nothing familiar, nothing he hadn't seen the other times he'd quietly followed Goku to this place. Yet… something had happened here, and that something had involved him and the crumpled, crying heap at his feet.

"I'm not going to hurt you, baka. Stop your crying." He knelt next to Goku, and pulled him into an awkward embrace, trying to get him to calm down. "Stop crying, Goku, just calm down." Vegeta repeated his words, patting Goku's back. It worked with children, and Goku was basically an oversized child. Or so his wife claimed, anyway.

It was several minutes before Goku responded with anything but attempts to escape. But Vegeta wanted to know what had happened, and he wasn't going to let the younger man get away without telling him. He gripped Goku tighter, repeating the soothing words until his captive finally stopped trying to get away, and relaxed just a bit. "That's better. You need to calm down and quit that crying, Goku. You're going to make yourself sick."

There was fear in the eyes that met his own, but the abject terror had faded. Goku still trembled like a leaf. "…'Geta?"

"Yes?"

Goku's body relaxed completely, his relief was so great. Vegeta had never allowed him to call him 'Geta - until he'd lost his memory. "You scared me."

"Yes, I noticed," Vegeta responded dryly. "Would you mind telling me just how exactly I managed to scare you out of your tiny little mind?"

Goku's tiny little mind spun. This was a way out, he could just tell Vegeta what had happened. Since he didn't have his memory, it might not be such a big deal, there wouldn't be any flashbacks. Would there? A tiny frown furrowed his brow as he nestled against Vegeta, letting the other's heat seep through his wet, chilled body. "I… I don't know if I should," he whispered finally. "It's why you lost your memory."

"Me losing my memory is how I scared you out of your mind?" Vegeta blinked down at the man who was definitely cuddling against him. "How exactly does that work, Goku?"

"No, no… I… well…" Goku floundered, and began to shake again. "Something happened here… and you didn't want to… you did something that …" He broke into soft sobs again. "You said that I'd been neglecting my training," he whispered, realizing all at once that he couldn't say it. "And what happened after that, I don't want to remember 'Geta. Please don't make me tell you, please!" The memory of what happened hung vividly in his mind, and he curled in on himself.

"I won't." Vegeta laid a hand on Goku's head, gently, fingers splayed. Violent images, bloody and graphic, engraved themselves on his mind. He caught his breath, just as Goku realized what he'd done.

"Vegeta, no!" Goku knew all too well that the reader got a taste of the emotions of the person they read. He tried to pull away.

Vegeta's eyes widened, his breathing suddenly shaky. That brief glimpse of the torture he'd put the younger Saiyan through - what kind of a monster was he? Steely determination lit his eyes, and his grip on Goku tightened. His past, as seen through Goku's eyes, filled his mind. And with it, came the memories that went with the events he saw.

The prince, caught in the unholy hell that was his life, never noticed Goku's cries when his fingers clenched, breaking Goku's arm, fisting in the younger Saiyan's hair and ripping some out as he whirled, shoving the man away from him. He stalked over the pool, his power swirling around him as he struggled with the resurgence of all he had been, and all the horror he'd lived through. He threw his head back, screaming his anger and pain, his power rising and setting the ground in motion as he transformed.

The blast of power knocked Goku into the trees, and took a good portion of them out as well. He staggered to his feet just in time to be knocked down again, this time by the prince. He slammed through several trees before smacking into one that knocked him down instead. Blood hazed his vision, but he saw the gold-toed boot that caught him in the face. Again, he was propelled against the trees. This time, though, he managed to catch himself. He held out his hand, trying to reach the prince, calm him. "Vegeta, stop!"

The teal eyes flickered to the outstretched hand, almost curiously, before settling on Goku's battered face. They blinked once, twice, and Vegeta laughed. "I don't think so, Kakarot. That's not the kind of person I am." The golden-haired warrior moved, Goku's still outstretched hand suddenly in his own. Bones cracked. Goku dropped to his knees, his mangled hand still in Vegeta's tight grip, his broken arm dangling limply at his side. 

"No…" Goku moaned. "No, Vegeta! Don't go back to that, please don't! You're not evil, not anymore. You haven't been for a long time! You're one of the good guys!" He looked up, blinking away tears of pain, to find Vegeta smiling gently at him. "Ve…geta?"

"Such an innocent, Kakarot." The prince reached out, stroking lightly along the side of Goku's face. His voice was soft. "A pretty little innocent." Vegeta kissed him.

-----------------

Jewel: Eep? Um, what just happened?

Vegeta (equally confused): Nani? You tell me.

Goku (out of the loop): Why did you kiss me? You never kiss me.

Vegeta (disgusted): You're right.

Jewel: You wouldn't? Then how come you did?

Vegeta: Because that's what you typed.

Jewel: Oh, that's right. *looks at clock* Whoops! Past my bedtime. Sweet dreams guys!

Vegeta & Goku: #^(&^R^*()&*%^$@#@#$^&!!!!!

Oh, and to them that asked if this would be yaoi? I don't know yet. (rereads last paragraph.) Um…. I wrote that a couple days ago at like 4 in the morning. But I don't much think Kaky's been liking it much, do you?


	4. Flight

Boy, chapter 2 got a lot of good reviews. I'd had chapter 3 ready, but couldn't upload it, had to go home and resave, all that fun stuff. And decided to start chapter 4 cause I could! So this was probably a double chapter posting. Lucky you? Now, how evil do I want to be?

------------------------------

_I encouraged him. I did. I know it. I asked for this._ This had been a broken arm, crushed hand. This had been the blood that had run freely down his thighs. This had been the bruising left on his throat, a perfect imprint of Vegeta's fingers. This had been physical pain… and was still pain. His breathing was shaky, choked with tears. Blood tinged the water in which he sat. It had hurt, coming to the pool. His senzu beans had been at the edge, but he hadn't cared. He had to get clean - he had to get clean! He'd paused only long enough to snag a bean, then bolted into the water.

The blood was gone now, the wounds healed. Goku still scrubbed at his skin, trying to wash the fact that he'd practically begged to be raped off himself. Hadn't he cuddled up to Vegeta? Hadn't he… hadn't he kissed back? Hadn't he been wondering if he had let Vegeta take him - if he would let him again? Tears streamed down his face. This time, he knew it wasn't just a nightmare. And he knew he hadn't allowed it. His hands stilled, falling limply into the water. He couldn't wash this away.

Goku wasn't sure how long he'd been in the pool when he realized the sun was down. He forced himself to his feet, his movements slow and uncertain. He lifted his hand, two fingers to his forehead, his senses searching for someone to go to. He didn't feel he could face his wife or his children. Bulma, his oldest friend, he didn't dare see. Finally, he locked on to a familiar chi that had to be safe. He vanished.

Memories triggered memories. Vegeta pounded the air, shadow-boxing with the wraiths and ghouls of his past, and the vivid knowledge that he was no better than they had been. The GR was set to its maximum, had been since he'd arrived home. His movements were sharp, savage - filled with the viciousness of his youth and the creatures that had surrounded him, controlled him, and raped him as he had raped Kakarot.

This time, he would not succumb to the lure of the drugs. He'd weakened far too much, had been rescued - rescued! - by his rival. No, Kakarot could no longer be considered his friend. They had always been rivals, had grown to be friends, but could never be again. Not after this. He could take Kakarot. He couldn't beat him in sparring, but he could take him.

Vegeta paused, considered that. How could he take Kakarot sexually when he couldn't take him in a fight? It wasn't as if the man hadn't fought him, after all. Ah, yes. He remembered now. Kakarot wasn't even sure why he had lost, had felt as if perhaps he'd wanted to lose. Except… that wasn't anything like Kakarot.

He blasted the drones to bits, as they interrupted his thinking. His own actions were far from normal, as well. _I trained to beat that confounded idiot, not to… to…_ "Gawk!" Vegeta windmilled his arms, a futile attempt to banish the entirely-to-recent event from his mind. "What the hell possessed me?"

"Zweb?!" Goku shot up in the bed, his eyes flitting frantically around the room until he found the woman he sought. He drew in a long breath. "Oh, Zweb, I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was. But I didn't did I? I came here 'cause it was so bad. I came here. I…" He drew another long breath, this one shuddering.

"Hush, child." Zweb settled next to him on the bed. "I know something happened - you had no clothes when you arrived. And you have not eaten enough to satisfy an infant, much less one with an appetite as large as your own. Rest now. I will go prepare some food, you will eat when you have rested."

"I can't sleep."

"Three days you have been here, Goku, and three nights you have not slept. I do not ask you to sleep, just to rest. Let your body and your mind relax, let your tension ease. Now stop pulling the fringe off of my blanket, and count the dots in the ceiling."

An involuntary chuckle escaped, and Goku stopped tugging on the fringes. He laced his fingers behind his head, looking up at the ceiling. "There are 1,893,452,941 dots on your ceiling. I told you I couldn't sleep."

Zweb patted his cheek. "My poor boy. I will fix you a drink, one that will bring sleep, but no dreams. That will help, yes?"

"I don't know. Will it?" He looked so hopeful that she had to laugh.

"Silly boy. You wait. I will be back in a moment."

He had expected Kakarot to come, he also had not expected it. They had continued sparring sporadically after the first incident, but this second had been so much worse in many ways. What he had not expected was to overhear Bulma on the phone telling Chi-Chi that Kakarot was not still staying with them. Even less had he expected the feeling of loss when he couldn't find the other's signature chi. Immediately, he had headed for the pool.

Vegeta stared down at the pool from above, then slowly dropped. Here, in this place, he had savagely raped his best friend twice. Here, he had beaten his rival into submission. And here, there had to be answers!

But there were no answers to be found. Instead, he found the remains of the clothes he'd ripped from the other man's body. He found the bag of senzu beans Kakarot carried nearly everywhere. He found traces of blood the recent rains hadn't washed away. Vegeta explored the area thoroughly, but he found no other traces of Kakarot. And, he found no clues as to the reason that in this place, he had become what he had feared and hated for most of his existence.

He went back to Capsule Corp., to the room Goku had been using. Vegeta looked through the drawers, the closets, checked the adjoining bathroom. Nothing seemed out of place, and yet, something was wrong.

----------------

Vegeta: AGAIN! Will you watch what you're typing?

Jewel: I have to watch it. I _do _catch the occasional spelling mistake.

Vegeta: That is not what I meant.

Jewel: J Really?

Goku: Hey, I get to stay with Zweb! Goodie! I like her.

Vegeta: Who the devil is Zweb?

Goku: She's my friend!

Vegeta: Why am I surrounded by morons? And while I'm on it, why does everyone and their brother's cousin think that Frieza used me for a sex toy? WHEN DID I EVER ACT LIKE SOMETHING THAT OUTRAGEOUS HAPPENED?

Goku (with a clue!): You told me you did everything he asked you to so he wouldn't kill your father. And you were crying.

Vegeta: … … … … … … … … … oh.

Poor guys, they're all messed up. Hmm… who wants to be in Goku's boots when he goes home and tells his wife he's been staying with another woman 'cause he didn't want to see her?


	5. You love him

More than a double. Shame on me. But then, there's three and two days between times I can get online, and I usually write when I feel like it, so all that means is extra updates. I really hope somebody does go check Confused Relationships, b'cuz absolutely nobody had reviewed it when I checked last, I'm posting the last chapter when I post these, and I want to know if it sucked or not! (I think I stuck it under drama.)

Drat it all. I had a thought that I wanted to start with, and now I've forgotten it. Botheration! Oh well. I'll start with Veggie instead.

------------------------------

_He thought he was safe. He was so terrified, and then he thought he was safe. He was cold, too. Of _course _he was leaning into me, he wanted to get warm. This pool's damned cold!_ Vegeta shot from the water, looking around. Kakarot had come here so often after he'd started staying at Capsule Corp. Why, Vegeta didn't understand. He had never wanted to revisit any of the places he'd been raped, unless it was to destroy them. Yet, since the second time, there had been no trace of the man - anywhere.

_He didn't go home or to his children, he didn't go back to the house. The Namek and the old fool, baldy and the jerk haven't seen him. He didn't go to the Tower or the Lookout. And I can't find any trace of him!_ Again, Vegeta surveyed the area. He'd found no traces that might have meant Kakarot had killed himself. _I wouldn't blame him. I tried to, after all, when Frieza…_ He shook himself from that memory, calming himself to look for Kakarot's chi again.

"Kakarot! Where are you!"

Goku sat up suddenly, the warding arm he raised encountering nothing more dangerous than the blanket he'd slept under. It took him a moment to place where he was, to realize he'd been dreaming. He relaxed marginally, drawing his legs up to prop elbows on knees, and dropping his face to his hands. He was alone, the whimpering noise he heard was himself, and he forced himself to stop, pressing his palms into his eyes to keep the tears in. He had to quit crying!

He crawled from the bed into the clothes he'd left behind the last time he'd stayed with Zweb. They were a little snug, more so than he was used to, but not so tight as to be uncomfortable. He'd lost weight, with not eating well or training as much as he had. He washed his face, wiping away all traces of the tears that had escaped him. And in the mirror, he practiced smiling - the smile everyone always expected to see on his face. Only then did he go out to see what was for breakfast.

"Ah, you have awakened!" Zweb hurried to him, a gentle concern in her eyes. "First, I could not get you to rest, and then you would not wake. It has been four days that you have slept!"

"Four days!" Goku gaped at her. "Really?"

"Yes, yes. You will be hungry today, I expect. Come, I will get you something. It is nearing time for lunch, anyway." He followed her into the kitchen. "Drink, drink. I could get you to take nothing when you slept. Here is soup, very good. Old family recipe." She winked at him. "My husband, he always liked this soup."

"Husband?"

"Oh, dead many years now, Goku. He died not long before you came the first time. I was very glad to have company then, you know, company that did not feel the need to be so sorrowful when speaking. I think now, you need the same."

He'd finished his third bowl of soup. "The same? You mean, to be around happy people."

"Yes, Goku. I have not asked what happened, I will not. I know it was bad, from how you have acted. You will eat, and rest, and when you are ready, you will train and you will talk. Right now, you will eat the soup, these sandwiches, and the salad I have prepared for you, and you will regain your strength." She cocked her head to one side, examined him. "And, I think I will have to get you more clothes. Those do not fit loosely as you prefer. You grew some since you last visited."

Goku flushed. "My friends say I'm really bad at keeping in touch. I've had another son since I saw you last. Both of my boys are grown, now, and I've a granddaughter."

"Ah, fine children, I am sure." Zweb's eyes twinkled. "We have a grown daughter, and a grandson, you now know. They both act much like you."

He flushed more. "Oh, I should have asked how Radda was!"

"You, I think, had too much pain in your heart. Radda is well, and her son, Krill, is a very strong child. She is very proud of him."

"Krill? After Krillin?"

"Yes."

Goku hooted. "Oh, wait until I tell him my grandson is named after him! He'll be so surprised!" (A/N: ya think?)

The kitchen was crowded. Vegeta stopped short in the doorway, shot a quick look around. Kakarot's family and friends. He faded back out of sight, but not out of hearing. He didn't remember any party being planned, but if there was one, he'd get better food than if he just raided the fridge. He'd wait a bit and see. Their voices just reached his ears.

"… not sure who saw him last. Probably Vegeta," Bulma was saying.

"Why isn't he here? Doesn't he care where Goku is?" Chi-Chi demanded. "They beat each other silly, maybe he left my Goku somewhere all battered." Vegeta flinched. He had.

"Goku and Vegeta take care of each other - neither one of them wants to lose a good sparring partner," Trunks replied calmly. "Even if Dad had beat him to a pulp, he'd have taken him home, or brought him here."

_Even if. My own son doesn't believe I could beat him._

"… hasn't come to see any of us," Piccolo was saying when he began listening again. "Perhaps he's gone somewhere to train?"

"No way. None of us can sense him. And how do you know he hasn't been to see us? Spying from the Lookout again?" Yamcha asked.

"Vegeta came looking for him two weeks ago." Vegeta growled from the shadows as Piccolo continued, "Said he'd checked with the rest of you."

"He did? Oh, that's right," Master Roshi's cracked voice said. "I remember now. He did come by looking for him. But that was about a month ago."

"He saw me two months ago," Yamcha said. "But he was checking if Goku'd been by for Bulma. He complained that she could've used the phone instead of sending him over."

"I didn't send him to check on anything! I didn't send Goku to see you. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since…" Bulma paused. "Hmm… You know, it was a year to the day of when he brought Vegeta home. Four months ago."

_A year. Since he brought me home. And how long was it he had me in that cave, I wonder? I don't have much memory of that time, just darkness and screaming and pain. No wonder I was so much weaker than he was. I spent all that time with him, with no memory of that first event, and he never flinched until I asked about his training. And then, he was terrified._ Vegeta had no trouble recalling Kakarot's reaction, seeing the startled surprise turn to terror in the expressive black eyes. _Too terrified to control his own energy, if I understand what I read of him. He wasn't trying to do anything but run, but he couldn't control himself enough to IT away from me._

The silence from the kitchen caught his attention. It had been quiet too long. A vague unease tugged at him.

"You mean, Vegeta's been looking for him for the last three months, and none of us realized it? He's known Goku was missing and didn't tell anyone?" The ominous tone in Chi-Chi's voice sent Vegeta sidling out the back door.

Open air, he shot into it, vanishing quickly into the distance. And found himself at that damned pool less than two hours later. He broke through the water, diving as deep as he could, touching the bottom. He rose, took a deep breath, then dove again. This time, he meditated.

"And that's what happened," Goku said softly, staring down at his clenched hands.

Zweb sat still, one hand resting on Goku's shoulder. She was silent a long time, digesting the story. "I think it is not something you asked for, Goku child," she said at last.

"But I…"

"But you will be silent while I speak," she cut him off gently. "You did challenge him, yes. You did not mean the challenge as he took it. Perhaps it is something within Saiyans, that made him react so. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he is your prince, deny it though you do, that made you submit to him. Within you, you carry the memories and teachings of your people. I know you do not have the ability to recall them freely, but you do hold them. Subconsciously, I believe you can access some of this.  
"I can?" Goku blinked. Several times.

"I believe so. Think of how long you have been away from your friends, your family. Think how often you have left your wife to fight or train, and thought nothing of it until she fussed when you would return. That is the way of a Saiyan. You have stronger family ties, perhaps, but treat them no differently than any Saiyan warrior would during wartime."

"Zweb, how do you know about Saiyans?"

She laughed at the diffident question. "I have my ways of learning things, Goku. Worry not about it." Just as quickly, the woman sobered. "What you must decide is what you will do when you return home. This is a thing that twice has happened, and a third might. This man, you cannot avoid."

"Why?" Goku asked petulantly. "I'd rather."

"You love him."

"WHAT????!" Muscles bunched, the Saiyan leapt up to tower over the woman. "I what?!" When she merely smiled serenely up at him, he dropped back to the ground, this time facing her. "Zweb, do you mean it? I love him?"

"You feel very passionately about this man, Goku. You speak of him more than of your wife and your children. You wished to help him in spite of the harm he did to you. He is your prince, and the last of your race. It is not surprising that you love him."

"But… I… Vegeta's a guy! And we're both married, with kids! How… I… oh, man! Chi's not gonna like this."

-----------------

Jewel (snickering): There. Think I'll stop here, and go work on something else.

Vegeta: Oh no you don't! You get back here and rewrite that! He does not!

Goku: Who doesn't what? *reads* HEY! I love Vegeta?

Jewel: Goku, luv, you love everybody.

Goku: Oh, that's right.

Vegeta: I said fix that!

Jewel (looks at it): I did fix it. I like how I fixed it.

Vegeta: You just wait until I get out of the animated world and into yours!

Jewel: Bring Mirai with you! Oh, and Goku, and Raditz, and Bardock…. Hmm… Who else?

Vegeta: Ah, shut up! I'm leaving. *door slams*


	6. Introspection

Hey! Tatoosh! I truly do love your reviews (and I spelled you right this time!). It may surprise you to know that I don't much care for the subject matter either. And I am also glad you don't consider it PWP (I was trying to make sure it wasn't explicit enough for the first P) or a rape fantasy. Rape ain't exactly fun, especially if you know the guy who does it.

To all elses! Hallo! Yes, I know, I know, he got it again. 'Twas necessary for my plot. I do actually have one, even though I haven't gotten it all quite worked out yet. *banging & hammering sounds, frustrated cursing* Zweb is Goku's friend. A good one, for those of you who missed that Krill is his grandson. More on that later. J I feel like introspection is the theme of the day.

I nearly forgot: Standard disclaimer applies. Zweb's mine. Sorta.

-----------------------

"I love Vegeta." Goku sat on a small hill just outside of the city Zweb lived in. He frowned, rolling the words around in his head a few times. "I love Vegeta? That just sounds so… weird."

He sighed and fell backwards, his hands under his head. He stared up at the sky. Could Zweb actually be right? Did he love that arrogant, proud, sarcastic little bastard? _Did I just call Vegeta a bastard????! I didn't even call Frieza that when he was being one. Damn, Zweb may… I cursed. Oh crap, she's probably right. I never talk or think like this! I'm a good boy!_ He tried again. "I love Vegeta."

_It still sounds so wrong. Me loving Vegeta? I mean, sure, I love _sparring_ with him, but that's not the same as loving _him_! That's just an entirely different thing. That would be like… like… Master Roshi and Yamcha dating!_ The mental image amused him, he started chuckling, but his humor didn't last. He had too much to think about, and thinking made his head hurt. He sat up again, crossing his legs and assuming the old pose he had used back in the days when Mr. Popo had been training him. "I think I need to be a rock."

_Thrice damned pool. Why do I keep coming here? What fascination does this place hold for me? _Vegeta, at the pool yet again, snorted. "Because it's the only damned place I've ever beaten that baka, that's what hold it has. I hate this place!"

Even so, he landed. Somewhere, there had to be a clue. There had to be a reason. He'd beaten Kakarot. Twice, no less, and both times after the baka had recently beaten him. "We were both black and blue, both tired. So how, after he had beaten me, could I have subdued him so easily?" Vegeta muttered angrily, then kicked a rock. That question was becoming an obsession with him. Finding an answer to it already was. He stopped just as he was about to kick a second rock. "Maybe I didn't actually beat him. Could he have let me…. No. No, there's no way. Kakarot always…" he frowned, "holds back so he doesn't hurt me too much. Gods above and below, why would anyone allow that to happen to them if they could fight?!!"

He paced to the edge of the pool, looking down into the water. And then, as Kakarot often had, he scooped up a handful of pebbles and began throwing them into the water. _He would come down here at least once a week, staring into the water and throwing rocks. I never did understand that, but it never seemed like a good idea to ask him why. At first, I thought it was just something he did to pass time, until that day when I stood over there, where I could see his face._

Vegeta skipped several rocks to the other side of the pool. _He came here after asking if I had remembered anything. I remember now. He must have wanted to ask me something about that day, and it must have been important to him if he was crying because he couldn't ask. But then, he could have been crying because _- His thoughts wrenched, ceasing to become his own, as the brief reading he'd done of Goku came to the fore.

_Vegeta - longing - confusion - misery - false happiness_ - Vegeta shook his head, dispelling the visions, but not the memory of them. He settled down to the ground, scooping another handful of pebbles absently, and watching the ripples overlap each other the way Kakarot's emotions had overlapped his memories. _So, he wasn't just coming out here because of me. No one else knew what I did to him. I didn't even know what I did to him. He came out here, where no one could see him, to be miserable because there was nowhere else for him to express how he really felt. He has come here for that before - because he was the happy one, the one everyone told their troubles to, and the one who always cheered everyone up. He didn't feel he had anyone to turn to._

"Zweb, I don't think you're right. I know what you said, that I love him, but I just can't seem to believe it."

She looked up from the stewpot. "Here, Goku, is the one place you have dropped your mask. Here, you have shed tears, here you have sorrowed. Here is the one place where there is someone who can see past that smile that doesn't reach your eyes, and knows that you are in pain."

"What?"

"Lunch is almost ready. Set the table." Zweb stirred the stew, reminding herself sotto voice that Goku was simple, and explanations were supposed to be kept that way. She dished out the first serving. "Goku, I know you well enough to know when you are hurting, but pretending that everything is fine. I also know you well enough to know you love this prince, Vegeta. I did not say that you were going to return home and begin a seduction."

Goku choked on his stew. "ZWEB! I'm eating!"

"You are inhaling, not eating. Chew. Savor the flavor." Zweb suited action to words, glaring across the table at her guest. "I would have thought your wife would have insisted on proper table manners."

Goku flushed, and slowed down. "Oh, this's good!" He cocked his head to one side, then amazed her by naming the herbs she'd used to season it. "Not enough salt, though," he said sadly.

"I have no salt. You know this."

"I know. That's why there isn't enough." He helped himself to another bowlful. "But when I say to myself that I love Vegeta, it just doesn't sound right, Zweb. It sounds wrong. It sounds like Master Roshi dating Yamcha."

She smiled. "The two men who are more appreciative of female flesh than any other thing? Perhaps, but I do not believe that I am wrong, Goku. I believe you love this man."

"But Zweb," Goku wailed, so dismayed that he was ignoring his food, "Vegeta's a guy! I can't love a guy!"

"Why not?"

"Because… because… because it's not right!"

"Why not?"

"It just isn't! I don't know why it isn't, I just know it isn't."

"You have two sons whom you love, do you not?"

"My boys?" Thrown off-course, Goku frowned. "Of course I love them."

"And is that not a case of a man loving other men?"

"Yes."

"So what is wrong ?"

"With what?"

Zweb clasped her fingers together, muttering something uncomplimentary about the Saiyan's intelligence. "If it is right for a man to love male children, what is wrong with the same man loving another man?"

"I'm not going to have sex with my kids!" Goku yelped when understanding dawned. "That's what! Fathers are supposed to love their children. They aren't supposed to love other men! Especially if both men happen to be married to perfectly good women!"

Zweb counted to fifty. Slowly. "I did not say, Goku, that you wished to have sex with this man. I said that you love him."

Blink. Blink. Blink blink blink. "Huh?"

Vegeta trained by rote. Same routine, day after day. He would not forsake his training, not even for the sake of learning whether he had subdued Kakarot, or if the man had submitted willingly. However, the question would not leave his mind, and he often thought of the muddled emotions he'd gotten from Kakarot when he'd read the man.

He came to himself quite suddenly, realizing that he'd blasted the last of the drones several minutes before. A nagging sense tugged at him. Slowly, almost unwillingly, Vegeta left the GR. He stopped outside the room Goku had used, and walked in. _The last time I looked in here, everything was here. It was where it should have been. He hadn't come back to get anything. And something was wrong, but I couldn't tell what. This time, I'm going to find out!_

The bed was still messy, covers thrown back. Vegeta smiled just a little. Kakarot had wakened one day to one of the male servants in his room, and had nearly died of fright. They'd forbidden anyone to enter the room after that, and had forgotten to let the servants know it was allowable again. His eyes shadowed as he realized why Kakarot had been frightened.

He moved to the bed, sitting on the edge, allowing his eyes to scan the room. Again, the feeling of wrongness shot through him, but he couldn't pinpoint what caused it. Kakarot's steel-bristled brush was on the dresser, a shirt tossed over the back of a chair. In one corner was a pair of pajama bottoms, Vegeta knew the top was in the bathroom. The fuzzy, bright pink bunny slippers looked out of place, but Vegeta knew perfectly well the crazy things were a favorite of the younger man. He'd seen Kakarot wear them entirely too often!

_What is it? What is it that makes me think something is wrong? There are clothes scattered here and there, towels on the floor in the bathroom, pictures everywhere, books and papers on the desk, a nightlight plugged into the wall… These are all normal things. Although I still find it hard to believe Kakarot insisted on a nightlight more suited to a little girl's room than a man's!_ Vegeta glared at the nightlight. A pink bonnet trimmed with lace topped the head of a shepherd girl in a matching dress, two tiny lambs at her feet and a crooked stick in her hand.

He distracted himself by walking to the desk and picking up one of the books. **_Childhood Trauma_**? What kind of a book is that? He picked up the next. And the next. He was frowning again by the time he had looked at all of them and stacked them neatly. _Every last one of these has something to do with psychology or trauma. Was he trying to understand why I raped him by reading these? Or trying to heal?_

He snatched up the papers, printed with Kakarot's distinctive block letters. Vegeta sat in the chair, his eyes glued to the words. _That _IDIOT_! He just left these laying out where anyone could see them? I could have found these before I got my… Oh. He was hoping I would, so he wouldn't have to explain. Explain what? How could he possibly explain to me something that I did?_ He put the papers tidily together, and shut them up in the drawer of the desk, which he locked. Those would not see the light of day again, until Kakarot came back. And then, he had some explaining of his own to do!

And yet…. Vegeta looked around the room again. Thinking about it, he realized that books in Kakarot's room was one thing that had bothered him. But it wasn't the only thing. Not the main thing. Absently, he picked up the picture on the desk. And froze.

He and Kakarot together? When had this… ah, while his memories had been gone. Vegeta stood, striding across the room to snatch up another picture. _So that's why I thought something was wrong. The pictures. Any fool with half a brain can see something is wrong in them. He looks lost, in spite of that smile. Like someone killed his dog, and expected him to not mind. And this one. This was earlier. Not long after we left the cave, actually. He looks like he's afraid I'll bite him if he doesn't smile._

Vegeta went through all the pictures in the room. Kakarot's smile gleamed at him from all of them, but it never reached his eyes. Those gave him away in all of them. In the earliest pictures, the eyes were those of a child abandoned by the ones he loved, lost in a place he'd never been, and terrified of being alone. In the most recent, they were full of hopelessness and defeat.

All the pictures had been taken in the eight months after Kakarot had brought him back, before he'd made the other man run. Vegeta himself featured in a great many of them, and he winced at his own look. He looked happy, of all things, and his smile was reaching his eyes. Oh, he had a lost look in his eyes, too, but nothing so pronounced as what he could see in Kakarot's. How had they missed realizing how dreadfully unhappy the man had been?

_Because he's played the part of a happy fool for so many years no one would believe he could ever be unhappy. Because not even his closest friends were people he felt he could confide in when he had trouble - and he's had more than what I _know_ of. Just smile, Kakarot, and everyone thinks you're fine. No wonder everyone was always asking me if I was feeling okay - my habitual scowl was missing. No one asks me how I am now that it's back… but you didn't dare drop your smile so that someone could be there for you. Baka!_

He couldn't know how closely his thoughts were paralleling Goku's. That one, far away where he felt safe, was weeding his hostess' garden, and wondering how come he hadn't asked for help sooner. A question he put to Zweb as soon as she came outside to join him. "Zweb, why didn't I tell anyone what was wrong? I mean, before I came here," he added at her odd look.

"Goku, child, and most beloved, how am I to answer that? The way your mind works is far beyond my knowledge. It may hurt you to know this, but at times, I am rather certain that your mind is in much need of repair!"

He smiled. "Oh, I know! I'm kinda dumb about things. But… I could've told someone!"

"Well, then, tell me why you did not."

"Well, I couldn't tell anyone! They'd have been mad at Vegeta, and wanted to make him pay for hurting me!"

"If you knew why it was you did not speak to anyone, why did you ask me for your reason?"

Goku blinked a few times. "I guess that was stupid, wasn't it?"

"You do not wish Vegeta hurt."

"No! No, I don't. He's had… he's been hurt enough."

She nodded, understanding more than what he said. "Goku, you tell me the things that you cannot tell your family and friends at home. You feel you can tell me because I do not know them, and will not make plans to right the wrongs that were done to you. And also, you ask what seem to be foolish questions because you hide so much of your pain from your friends that you also have to hide it from yourself so that they may not notice it is there, and ask questions you are not willing to answer. To me, you ask the questions you know the answers of, but have hidden, because I do not know the answers, and will ask you the question back that you may answer it."

He nodded. "I'm going to have to go home soon, aren't I?"

"It would be well if you did. Your family will be missing you greatly by now, and your prince in need of answers only you can give him. Goku." He looked up at the unfamiliar, stern tone. "Goku, child. Do not avoid him because of what happened. Do not avoid him because you think it sounds wrong to love him. He is one who will understand your problems. What little you have told me of his past allows me to know this.

"He was one who had a difficult past, and many secrets. He understands the keeping of secrets, and the frustration that builds from having no one to talk with. He is one with a family, a loving family, and is lonely. He is much like you."

"Can I stay for supper?"

-----------------

Goku: Hey, do I get to stay for supper? I'm hungry!

Vegeta: It's a story, baka.

Goku: So? I'm hungry.

Jewel: McDonald's is open. Here's some money. And don't overspend this time.

Goku: Wheee!

Vegeta: Wait for me!

Um, no, Zweb is not in Other World. She's quite alive. Come on, let's see if you can guess before I have to tell you. Goku met her after Gohan was born. She is based on a fictional DBZ character - someone Goku could have stayed with for awhile. (rereads last sentence. Er… cough. Like they aren't all fictional?)

Vegeta: Just for that, when I get out, I'm bringing Babidi with me.

Jewel: Don't you dare! I will hate you forever and you will be a sissy cry-baby in any story I ever write!

Vegeta: You're already making me mushy. I can just see the next chapter… some tearful reunion.

Jewel: Hey! No giveaways!

Vegeta: Oh, hell.

Goku: Vegeta's gonna cry?

Vegeta: *smash!*

Goku: OWWWW!

(yes, I do have fun with the little conversations at the end….)


	7. Reunion

If you notice my mind gadding about, would you let it know I'm in need of it?

I have finally gotten all my reviews printed out so I could look at them while I was writing and address issues you all have raised. And, since I will have a whole entire week before I am allowed back online (massive complaining in progress), I shall be able to work up a couple more chapters. As is, 7 is going to be completely rewritten… it stunk.

On to the whatchajiggers:

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Firefly - the drugs came after the rape. (Although I bet you've already figured that out.)

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Kitkat_ - _has my POV problem improved? Please say it has. I've been working on that!

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Kate, Kaneda-Shotaro and Yami Tetsuo, SwEeTaNdSoUrBlAsT, & Oni-Baka - as ordered, you get more. Thanks for the encouragement!

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Ria - er…. Welll…. I'm still thinking. The twists head it that way, but reconciliations are always possible.

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Lady Sakura-chan - ah, you like those little twists? Thank you. My *creativity?* at work.

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Hiba Akaiko - Ohh! The show called 'em egg rolls, and the pasta was spaghetti. I figured if it was food, he'd eat it! What's an obentou? I'm teaching myself Japanese, but it's very slow going.

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suisheu_ -_ for some reason, I always got the feeling that Goku was hiding behind that smile of his in the show. So, in my story, the why comes out. Veggie ain't out to murder Goku, he's just having this little sexual anger problem thingy going at the moment.

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Tatoosh - grr… you just had to raise lots and lots of points! That's good though, your critiques really help. Some I've dealt with, lemme see here… Mmm… Goku could fight Vegeta off without killing him - he is stronger. That's a good part of why Vegeta's so fixated on "How come I can beat the crap out of him while raping him but can't beat him sparring" hasn't gotten to "I know how Kakarot felt so why aren't I looking at that angle?" except in brief flashes yet. I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed Goku isn't a complete fool in the series - I've read too many fics where he's an absolute nincompoop. *Ignores fact there's one of those on my computer…J * Hmm… a compassionate Vegeta… 

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EVERYONE - Zweb's identity will be revealed within 3 chapters. Any guesses on who she is? And, I made an oops in Chapter 6. It was a year, not 8 months!

Standard disclaimer, I suppose.

Now, lemme see here. Something about reunions, wasn't that it? A *sniffle* tearful one, right?

----------------------

He raised two fingers to his forehead, and drew a deep breath. Zweb was right. It was past time for him to go home. His determination wavered when he realized that the only signal he was easily picking up was Vegeta's. He was not ready for that, not yet! Wait, there! He flickered, and vanished.

Zweb stared at the spot he'd stood. "Fare thee well, my friend."

Vegeta exploded from the pool, water fountaining around him. "KAKAROT!" The familiar chi he'd been searching for unconsciously for nearly six months… he'd felt it! He turned wildly in the air, searching. _I sensed him! I know I did! Where is he?!_ Eager, and uncertain, he closed his eyes, senses stretched. _Kakarot? I felt you… didn't I?_

He drifted closer to the ground, finally landed. Dejected, he walked the few steps to a tree, and sat beneath it. "Kakarot…" he breathed. "Why?"

Almost in answer to the question, the emotions he'd sensed in the younger man nearly a year before swept him. He started to steel himself against them, force them back, as he always did, when it occurred to him that in them he had the answer. This time… he would feel what Kakarot had felt, see what he had seen. He closed his eyes, and lost himself to memories that weren't his own.

"Goku?" "DAD!" Incredulous cries of relief, and delight, rang in his ears. Goku smiled at the two boys, catching them as they swooped in to hug him. The next few minutes were clamorous, with Goten demanding to know where he'd been, and Trunks trying to find out why he'd disappeared.

"Easy, easy!" Goku laughed, fending them off. "I'm here, I'm home! I just went to visit a friend, is all." Neither boy noticed the shadow that swept across his face and stayed in his eyes, or the way his smile dimmed slightly. Back only moments, his mask was already firmly in place.

"Dad! You've been gone for months! Almost a year!"  
"Nobody could sense you, Goku! We've all been worried about you!"

The ruckus only grew worse when he got home. Trunks and Goten took turns calling family and friends to let them know Goku had returned. Most of them arrived while Chi-Chi was berating Goku - a process that took a solid hour and a half - and added their two cents. Most of them - and Chi-Chi, when she finished screaming at him - broke into tears. It took some time for them to settle. But when they did, they expected answers.

Almost in chorus, they demanded one simple thing. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN????"

"Oh, I went to see a friend." Goku smiled innocently around at the group. A tiny little frown started when he realized they all looked extremely upset. "Um, is that bad?"

"YOU TOOK OFF WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE WHERE YOU WERE GOING OR THAT…" Chi-Chi was off again, at full volume, waving a very dangerous looking frying pan that had previously contained the fried rice that now decorated Master Roshi and Yamcha.

"Uh, Chi-Chi, I'm real sorry! I didn't know you'd get all upset if I didn't tell you I was leaving first!" It was the wrong thing to say, and everyone knew it. There was a collective groan when Chi-Chi took a deep breath, and a collective strangled squawk when she merely smiled and said,

"That's alright, Goku. You're back now, and that's all that matters." She walked up to him, smile firmly in place. The frying pan rang smartly upside Goku's head, and knocked him to the floor. "But you aren't ever taking off without telling me again! Do you understand me?"

"Yes, dear." Goku collected himself, rubbing his head ruefully. _I should have known. I've lived with her long enough. I'm so tired…_ "I'll just… go…" He slumped back to the floor.

"Goku?!"

Vegeta shivered, his arms wrapped tightly around his legs. He'd treated Kakarot just as Frieza had treated him - except for giving him away after to anyone who wanted to put him through his paces. Left him battered, broken, and bleeding. Kakarot had cried. Vegeta hadn't given Frieza - or any of the others - the satisfaction of seeing his tears. Kakarot hadn't cared if Vegeta saw him cry.

Kakarot hadn't wanted him to hurt anymore.

"He's coming to!"

"Goku?"

"Are you alright?"

He could hear Chi-Chi sobbing, saying she was sorry for hitting him so hard. Muzzily, he tried to figure out what was going on. "Gwk?"

"Hey, man, are you all right?" That was Krillin. _Krillin? Oh, that's right. Zweb sent me home._

Goku opened his eyes. "I'm okay. Just tired, is all. My grandson ran me ragged before I left."

There was a long silence.

"Um, Goku? You don't have a grandson."

"Sure I do. Radda named him Krill, after you."

"Radda?"

"My daughter." Chi-Chi's sobs stopped. An ominous silence took over the small, crowded room. Goku sat up, one hand pressing the side of his head. His wife packed a wallop, his ears were still ringing a bit. "She's named after Raditz."

"And just who," Chi-Chi said very slowly and very clearly, "is her mother?"

"Zweb. She's who I went to see." _I thought they were noisy when I came back! Now what've I done? Ohhhh! Whoops. That probably wasn't the best way to say that._

_I don't understand him. How could he believe that letting me hurt him like that would make me feel better? How could he let me do it a second time when he knew what I did the first time? Did he think I wouldn't turn to the drugs again?_ Vegeta snorted, if he had, he'd been right. Nothing had been more embarrassing when he'd finally regained control of himself than to realize Kakarot had rescued him from himself!

He threw himself backwards, staring up at the stars. The stars… he'd been feared throughout them, once. No one had known of the fear he'd carried. Even Raditz and Nappa hadn't realized that their Prince had been Frieza's plaything. He had acted his part well, pretending a disdainful scorn for a creature he feared and dreaded above all else, but was forced to obey.

_Have I become that for Kakarot? He hides behind that smile, that cheerful expression. I know better. I know he fears me, I felt that. I saw it in his eyes. I remember his terror. Does Kakarot hide what I did to him because of his pride?_ A chuckle escaped. _Kakarot has no pride. No, there must be another reason._

His mind drifted back. _He just faded. Oh, he came to spar, but he didn't train as much. I remember Chi-Chi telling me, that day I decided to kill myself. I remember, too, that he came after me. He was the last thing I saw before the blackness, and the first thing I saw when I woke up. He took me out of there, and took care of me. He was there to ask me something?_

Probing into what he'd read was very similar to yanking scabs from half-healed wounds and adding salt. He didn't know why Kakarot had come, didn't know why he was always asking if he'd remembered something, didn't know why he always came back to this thrice damned pool. "I don't know why I keep coming back here, either!" Vegeta snarled. "I should be training. I should be eating, sleeping, anything but being here! I should be…" His voice trailed off as he admitted it. "I should be apologizing to him."

_I bloody damned took advantage of how scared he was. There was no reason for what I did. Oh, the first time… one challenge too many, one sure way to prove conquest. But that last time? That should never have happened. I just wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt him for making me remember, when it was my own fault for reading him without asking._

All those 'Geta moments. Gah, it turns my stomach to think how weak I acted. Kakarot, though… he wanted me to stay 'Geta. He wanted me to be someone he could talk to… so why didn't he? Vegeta frowned. What he had picked up from the other Saiyan was nothing short of contradictory. There was such an intense longing and need associated with the idea of 'Geta being someone to trust enough to talk with, and such a repulsion of the need to talk to 'Geta.

He watched the storm clouds pass over while he thought that over, and compared it to his own life under Frieza. Vegeta began to realize that he was not so different from Kakarot, after all.


	8. Reconciliation?

Okay, so Goku's being a bit of an idiot. Sorry, I just watched the Dragonball where he proposed to Chi-Chi. Relationships, I don't think he's ever managed to figure out….

Standard not mine sequence

----------------------

"You have a daughter? And a grandson? AND YOU NEVER TOLD US?"

Goku latched onto Bulma's voice. "Well, no, it never came up." Again, dead silence. "We had the androids we needed to get ready for, and everything, and I just kinda forgot."

"Forgot?" Bulma gaped at him. "How do you forget having a daughter? Or a grandson?"

"Well, I didn't know about Krill. I found out about him when I saw Zweb. Radda was just a baby the last time I saw her." Chi-Chi left the room, slamming the door behind her. "Oh, man. She's mad at me again, isn't she?"

"I think that goes without saying, Goku!" Bulma snapped. "I take it Radda is younger than Gohan?"

"Well," Goku started counting on his fingers, "um, yeah, she is. About a year younger, or two?"

"You mean while we all thought you were dead after Namek exploded, you were off with some woman?" Yamcha exclaimed.

"I wasn't off with some woman!" Goku corrected. "I was training. I didn't start living with Zweb until after you guys called the dragon."

"Boy knows how to dig a deeper hole," Master Roshi commented to Tien, who nodded agreement.

"And was Zweb happy to see you?" Yamcha asked. "I mean, Chi-Chi was always glad when you came back."

"I think she was more surprised than happy. I showed up naked in her living room."

"NAKED???!!!!"

"My clothes got all bloody. I didn't want to wear them anymore."

"Your clothes got bloody so you went, naked, to some woman you hadn't seen since your daughter was a baby."

Goku blinked at the array of appalled, condemning looks he was getting. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Vegeta sat up when Goku crashed in the clearing. He watched, bewildered, as the younger man laid on the ground, crying. "Kakarot?"

His only response was a startled, hitched gasp before the wracking sobs resumed. He rose, and slowly walked toward the other Saiyan. _What could have happened? It wasn't me, he was crying when he got here._ "Kakarot?"

Goku curled in on himself, unable to stop the tears. He'd been lucky to make it here, his private place. _Vegeta… Vegeta. He's here, here. Zweb said… she said…she said he would understand._ His thoughts froze the instant Vegeta touched him, pulled him into an embrace.

"Goku. I'm here. Let it out now, while you can."

"V…V… Veg… eta?" The fear and hopelessness in the question hurt.

"Shh. No, it's 'Geta. Go ahead and cry. I'm the only one who will know."

"'Geta…" Goku wailed, and burst into fresh tears. He burrowed into Vegeta, crying until he had no more tears left to shed, his nose was stopped up, and he had hiccups.

_He's needed this for far too long. To cry with someone. When I told him about Frieza on Namek, I cried. I remember. It felt so good to release all that pain I had bottled up, even though I couldn't take the time to explain just how horrible Frieza was, what he was capable of._

"'Geta?"

"Mmm?"

"I did a bad thing."

"You?" Vegeta gasped. "You never do anything bad!"

"No, I did a bad thing. I'm just not sure what I did. Everyone is mad at me. Chi-Chi won't talk to me, but she was happy I was back, and so was everyone, and now they all hate me."

"That doesn't make sense." _Naturally. Kakarot is involved._

"I didn't remember to tell them about Radda, and when I did, I told them about Krill first, and Zweb, too," Goku attempted to explain.

"Hush. You're too tired to make any sense." Vegeta rose to his feet, steadying the younger Saiyan. "You've cried yourself out. I'll take you home. You've got clothes left there." A scornful gaze shot over Goku's outfit. "Anything's better than that."

"Zweb made it for me," Goku whispered. "She didn't mind that I showed up with no clothes."

"So that's where you went!" Vegeta said with sudden enlightenment. "No wonder I couldn't sense you anywhere! No, don't fight me. I'm taking you home, you can have the same room as before. Your clothes are still there. "

He rose into the air, Goku a limp burden in his arms. "And then, after you've had time to recover, we'll talk."

Vegeta sat next to the bed, gazing thoughtfully at the sleeper. _I don't understand. Why did I feel the need to comfort him this time? That is _not _normal. I would have laughed at him for being weak, for shedding tears. Or started fighting with him. Anything but offer comfort. But then, I had just been seeing things from his side. Maybe it spilled over?_

Thanks be that I didn't find him desirable when I stripped him! Vegeta sighed, and regarded the clothes he'd removed with disfavor. _I wonder if he'd be upset if I threw them out? It's not like he'll wear them again. He'll be back in that orange and blue as soon as he wakes up. I'm starting to wonder if he owns anything else… there wasn't anything else in the drawers or the closets._

Vegeta sighed again, and stood. "Sleep well, Kakarot." He made his way to the kitchen, but stopped at the far end of the hallway. His wife was home, and from the volume, not happy. He growled, having hoped for a peaceful snack, and continued on, determined to send her away while he ate. Then he realized she was talking about Kakarot. He paused just outside the kitchen.

"…us about them! Forgot, my ass! Goku's memory isn't that bad!" Crashing and banging - oh, great. She was cooking. "How do you forget that you have a daughter?"

"Well, you know Goku. He'd forget anything if it meant he got to fight."

"Yamcha, if we had gotten married…

"He didn't marry you, onna, so the question isn't really valid, is it?" Vegeta broke in.

"Vegeta! Do you know what Goku's done? Would you marry a woman and then have a child with another one?"

He gave her a level, flat look. "What do you think?"

"Er, no, of course you wouldn't! Pride and honor and all that." She slammed several pot lids in rapid succession, then checked on something in the oven. "You are hungry, aren't you?"

Vegeta eyed the various bubbling pots apprehensively. His wife could cook - but when she was angry or upset, the food tended to reflect that. "I was thinking of sandwiches, actually."

She was suddenly in his face, and furious. "MY COOKING HAD BETTER DAMNED WELL BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!"

"Then it had better be edible this time. Your cooking suffers when your temper's up," he replied calmly. _I'd better let her have her way. Maybe I can get a decent amount of information. And the shape Kakarot was in… _he growled_… I'd better let him have the sandwiches. Wait, he has a daughter?_ "Did you say Kakarot has a daughter?"

He felt terrible. His eyes were so dry and itchy they hurt, and his mouth felt like he'd slept with cotton balls stuffed in it all night. His head was pounding, and he felt all stiff and achy. "Ohhh…" he moaned.

"You're awake? It's about time."

"Ngh!" Goku sat bolt upright, and then grabbed for the blankets as he scrambled to the other side of the bed.

"Oh, relax. I've had a year to be wondering why that happened. It won't again. I brought you some food." Vegeta indicated the plate full of sandwiches. "Steak and cheese, and undoubtedly better than that slop Bulma made for me."

"She isn't mad anymore?" Even his voice was scratchy.

"She doesn't know you're here. I made them. Now eat."

Goku scooted back across the bed, reaching uncertainly for the food. Vegeta never moved, lounging at ease in the chair next to the bed. One bite, and Goku forgot everything except his hunger. He finished off the last bite and eyed the empty plate regretfully. "Those were good."

"Thank you. Now, what happened?"

"What do you mean? You know what happened."

"Not between us, baka. Last night when you came back."

"I did something wrong, something bad. I must have, because everyone stopped smiling and got so mad at me."

"Start with exactly when you came back."

"Oh. Well, I found Trunks and Goten. And I went back with them to the house. Chi-Chi yelled and yelled at me for leaving like that, and then she started crying, and then she started cooking, and by then everyone else was showing up. And they all yelled at me for taking off and were happy to see me back, and they asked me where I'd been and I told them I went to see a friend and Chi-Chi hit me with a frying pan…. Why are you laughing?"

"You married a dangerous woman."

"Oh. Well, anyway, I was really tired and my head hurt and I guess I passed out, because then I was on the floor and everyone was looking all worried. Krillin asked me if I was okay, and I told him I was tired because my grandson had worn me out, and he said I didn't have one, and I told him I did and that Radda had named him Krill after him, and that Radda was named after Raditz. Oh, no, that's not right. I told them Radda was my daughter, and then that she'd named Krill for Krillin. Chi-Chi asked me who her mother was and I told them Zweb was, and then they were all mad I hadn't told them about them before, but I'd forgotten about Radda because of the androids and I didn't know about Krill until I went back and saw Zweb again. Somebody asked me if she was happy to see me, and I said she was more surprised than happy because I showed up naked in her living room and… Vegeta, why are you laughing?"

Vegeta waved a hand, and doubled up again. "Go on."

"Well, I did figure out that that wasn't the best thing to have said, but the more I tried to explain, the madder they got at me."

"I can imagine," Vegeta replied, remembering Kakarot's 'explanation' the night before.

Goku hung his head. "You think I'm lying, too, don't you?"

"I know what happened to your clothes, and I know perfectly well where that outfit you were wearing came from. I don't think you lied, but I am very certain you were horribly unclear." An understatement. He'd gotten Bulma's version last night. "Especially about your daughter."

------------------

Yep, Veggie's a smart one! Course, he does have inside information, but you'd think an outfit like that and the time frame would have given Goku's friends and family a clue!


	9. Revalation

Just so you know, I keep a 2-3 page length in the program I use for writing this. Cliffies, if any, are generally unintentional. Sometimes, though, they come at just the right place. Not that they count as cliffies when I post more than one chapter at a time… but it gives me a space frame in which the first cliffy must be partially resolved. I think that's what I've been trying to do, anyway. Comments on that?

-----------------------

Vegeta had to smile at the look of absolute confusion on Kakarot's face. "You have no idea what I mean, do you?"

"No. She's my daughter. Zweb's her mother."

"I know perfectly well that Zweb is not biologically compatible with a Saiyan. I would wager that Radda is an adopted daughter."

"Oh, yeah. She is. You mean that would have made a difference?"

"Most definitely. I was forced to eat Bulma's cooking last night while she recounted what happened. She cannot cook well when she is mad, and she was beyond furious with you for breaking your marriage vows and then not confessing it for… how many years has it been?"

"But I didn't break my vows. Why would she be mad at me for something I didn't do?"

Vegeta rolled his eyes, and then stifled another laugh when he realized Goku was counting on his fingers to figure out the years. "You didn't tell them she was adopted, Kakarot."

"Grandpa Gohan never called me adopted."

"Your Grandpa Gohan wasn't married to a shrew. Bulma and the rest of them think that you cheated on Chi-Chi with Zweb."

"I did not!" Goku yelped in dismay. "She was pregnant when I met her!"

_I need more patience._ Vegeta studied Kakarot a moment. "I read you."

Instant stillness, except for one hand that clenched the blankets just a little closer. The dismay faded from Goku's eyes to be replaced by fear as he retreated mentally from the statement and the images it recalled, his body stiff, unable to move.

"You are an innocent, Kakarot, unwilling to believe that there is anyone who cannot be redeemed. Everyone you meet must be given second and even third chances. You take almost everything at face value, rarely looking to see if there is a deeper meaning. You hide your pain, your fear, and your grief well enough that no one knows you can do anything but smile and fight. Your anger you take out in training or sparring, when you can. You have friends you would trust with your life, but no one you trust with your self." Hard, dark eyes softened slightly. "I know what that is like."

"But you don't cry."

"I have." Vegeta glanced away, his jaw tightening. "When I was on Namek, when I thought I would die, and it wouldn't matter if anyone saw. I never told anyone why I hated Frieza so much, why I was determined to destroy him. It wasn't just because of what he did to our people, it was… what he did to me."

"I know. You told me."

"I did?! When?"

"The day before you came to my house. You asked me if I thought you liked raping me, if I thought you enjoyed discovering you were no better than Frieza, taking an unwilling Saiyan to prove your power over him. You said you'd refused to do that, even though he gave you special attention afterward, that you relived through me what you lived through with him. I know what you did to me, it doesn't take a genius to know what you meant." _And I'm no genius._

"No… it wouldn't."

"I told you it never happened. I destroyed the pills, the needle you had." Vegeta winced at the reminder of his weakness. "And then I put you to bed and went home. I was hoping you'd think it was all a really long bad dream, I guess."

"A strategy worthy of you," Vegeta replied dryly. "You didn't expect me coming to your house."

"Well, I should have. I realized that when you got there. And that I would have to act normal."

Vegeta snorted. "Normal. You decided you'd have to hide your feelings about what had happened, just like you hide everything else. To spare me, the way you spare the others."

"That's normal," Goku whispered. "I've been doing it so long now. Ever since… ever since… I can't remember. Zweb told me she thinks I hide so much of my pain from them that I hide it from myself, so they won't notice and ask me questions I don't want to answer. I was going to the pool, where I could be alone, where nobody could ask me what was wrong."

"And you certainly wouldn't want to answer questions about something neither of us wanted to remember. Why were you crying at the pool this time? You will answer me, Kakarot. Having your friends mad at you is nothing new."

Goku hunched up, his arms circling his knees and his head dropping to rest on them. His voice was nearly inaudible. "They asked me why my clothes were bloody. Why I went to some other woman's house instead of coming home. They asked where I'd left the clothes. And they thought I was lying to them when I told them I didn't know where the clothes were, and that I hadn't wanted Chi-Chi to see me in the condition I was in, and that they didn't need to know why my clothes were ruined. They just kept asking and asking. I had to get away from them."

_Those questions would force all the memories he's probably kept at bay this whole time to the front. The fear in his eyes, his voice, the way he moves - he hasn't dealt with it at all. If he represses everything…_ Vegeta's eyes narrowed. Kakarot had repressed the original incident so firmly it showed up only in nightmares. "Did you talk to Zweb about any of it?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Why?" Goku raised his head. "What do you mean?"

"You didn't tell your wife. You didn't tell your best friends. Why would you tell a woman you haven't seen since your son was a small child?"

"Oh!" The slightest glimmer of a smile. "Because since she doesn't know any of you, she doesn't think she has to go plotting revenge. Besides, she lives too far away to do that."

Vegeta fell out of the chair. "I think," he said, picking himself up, "that you need to go back home and tell your wife that your daughter is adopted. And if she doesn't believe you, send her to me. I'll give her an earful."

"You'd do that for me?"

Vegeta stared down at the disbelief in the dark eyes. "Yes, Kakarot."

"Why? I thought you hated me." Goku didn't wait for an answer. "You always insult me, call me a fool, or low class, or a clown. Why would you help me? And why are you being nice all the sudden?"

"Nice?" Vegeta glared, outraged. "I am not being nice!"

Goku shrank away. "I'm sorry."

Vegeta heaved a long-suffering sigh. "You are not the only one with secrets, Kakarot. And even I need to talk sometime. Besides… I owe you an apology for what I did."

"You… what?" Goku asked faintly.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Vegeta snapped. "I shouldn't have… done that. I haven't even got a reasonable excuse for it."

Goku asked one of the stupidest questions of his life. "Do you still think I'm beautiful?"

He had dressed in the clothes Zweb had made for him. He took the money he had in one of the drawers. And he left through the window, unwilling to face any of the house's inhabitants. His first stop was the pool, in spite of everything bad that had happened there. It was his place, where he dreamed the few dreams he still cherished.

Goku paced the edge of the pool, searching for the solace he usually found. _Here is where I have always come, for so long now. I cry here, where no one sees me. I dream here, where no one can laugh at me. How long have I been crying? When did I lose my dreams? Where is the peace I once felt, even when things were bad? I was peaceful, weeding Zweb's garden, but I could be, there. Here…_

Here there are only memories of him. Goku rose slowly into the air, casting a regretful look around the area. Then he shot off toward home. _Home. If only…_ He touched down at the edge of the yard

"What are you doing here?" His wife's voice was dangerous and very unfriendly.

"I didn't explain things very well last night. I wanted to let you know about Radda, that she's…" He got no further.

"I don't care anything about her. Your stuff is in here. Take it and get out. I don't want you coming back - ever." Chi-Chi threw a capsule on the ground at his feet.

"But, Chi-Chi! I never…"

"Get out!" she screamed.

He stooped to pick up the capsule. For one long moment, he stared down at it, then looked up. "I wanted to…" He was forced to deflect an attack by his enraged wife. "Chi-Chi, please! Listen to me!"

"GET OUT! Get out, get out get out!" She came at him, swinging the ax she'd been chopping wood with.

Goku fled. At first, he had no destination, still confused by Chi-Chi's reaction to his wish to explain. It wasn't until he began visiting his friends that he realized no one was willing to listen, or to give him a place to stay. When he at last returned to Capsule Corp., Bulma met him at the door. She handed him a capsule, then shut the door in his face.

He stood there, staring at the door. Finally, he turned. She hadn't given him the chance to even try to explain. She hadn't said a word. He walked away, and kept walking until he fell over, to exhausted take another step. The next day was fairly similar. Goku walked dazedly, unable to understand how people who had known him for so many years could believe that he had lied to them for most of his life.

_I thought they knew me. I thought they would listen when I explained my daughter was adopted. They didn't even give me a chance to get that said. Where am I supposed to go now? What do I do? I don't understand what happened! Why is the world backwards? Vegeta being nice and everyone else being cruel. I don't understand. What did I do that was so wrong no one will give me a chance now? What did I _do_?_

Vegeta walked into the room. The empty room. He shot a swift look around, then yanked open the closet door, the dresser drawers. The lock on the desk drawer yielded to his sharp yank. He picked up the sheaf of papers within. Kakarot wouldn't have packed the books and left this behind. He went in search of his wife.

"You did what?"

"I packed it up and handed it to him when he came here."

"Why?"

"Vegeta! I told you what he did! I will not be letting him stay here."

"He didn't do a damned thing, woman. His daughter is adopted."

"Then why didn't he say that?" she challenged. "He said she was his daughter, his and Zweb's. Whoever she is."

"She'd be a citizen of Yardrat, a planet of people who are biologically incompatible with Saiyans," Vegeta snapped. "If you had taken time to listen to him, you'd know that!"

"How do you know who she is?"

"Onna, are you blind? That ridiculous outfit he was wearing? It was nearly identical to what he was wearing when he came back after Namek blew up."

"What?" She was silent for just a moment. "Wait a minute. How do you know what he was wearing?"

"Because I found him after you fools tore him apart! He spent himself completely, crying over it. I brought him here to rest, and talked with him after he woke up. I had thought something of great magnitude had happened, to make him cry like that. But it was nothing more than his friends giving him a hard time."

"Oh, and I suppose he gave you the whole line about going to that woman's house naked because he didn't want to wear bloody clothes?" she snapped.

"He told me," Vegeta snapped back.

"Did he tell you why they were bloody, or why he didn't just go home to change?"

Vegeta stared at her, his eyes growing cold, hard, and unyielding. "He didn't need to."

"Oh? You didn't think it was important?"

"He did not need to tell me because I already knew," he replied, his words clipped and sharp.

"Enlighten me."

"One year ago, he went to a place that had been his sanctuary. And in that place, for the second time, by the same person, he was savagely raped," Vegeta spat.

Bulma's face paled, her hand going to her throat. "No!"

"Oh, yes. Both times, he'd been left with broken bones. Both times, he'd been left bleeding. And both times, he was raped by someone he knew." Ice cold eyes bored into dismayed blue ones. "Would you have wished to speak of such things?"

It finally occurred to Goku that he had no idea what was in the capsule that Bulma had given him. Not that he didn't have a pretty good guess, but she could have packed him some food! He tossed it. POOMPH! Shades of orange and blue covered the grass. His clothes. The photos, knickknacks, and books he'd had at her house. 

_Might as well get it over with._ The other capsule divulged more of his clothes, and the assortment of odds and ends he'd collected throughout his life. It was the sight of the ring he had once given Chi-Chi that snapped what was left of his spirit. He picked it up, rolling it between his fingers, his eyes dully regarding the way it gleamed in the bright sunshine.

A brief blast of power cut a raw gouge into a nearby hill. He gathered up all of the clothes, and most of the other items, dumping them in. He kept only a few photos and trinkets, and buried the rest. Goku fashioned a tiny headstone, and used his chi to inscribe a brief message on it. "That… ought to help." He walked away.

-------------------------

Vegeta: As if.

Jewel: Yeah, I'm kinda wondering about that too.

Goku: Huh?

Jewel: I think that's just too far out of character, even if he's already ooc.

Vegeta: Ya think?

Jewel: Hey, talk like yourself, not me. And I already told you, I don't like to think.

Goku: Hurts your head, doesn't it?

Jewel: Yep!

Vegeta: Why did I have to be the one doing the raping?

Goku: ????

Vegeta: Never mind. I did not just ask that.

Jewel: Oh good. There for a sec, I was worried. I think I'll edit the story, and let everyone wonder what the devil we're talking about.

Vegeta: Do that.

Jewel: Done!

Vegeta: I suppose that's an improvement.

Jewel: Damn me with faint praise, why don't you?

Goku: Oh, be nice to each other!

V & J: No!


	10. New life

You know, it's really annoying to get the manga and find out the show is rather radically different in places. I'm a bit dismayed, but oh well. My nice new Kenshin is even worse… massive differences. So aggravating! Eh? Oh, yes, I collect. Spend way too much money on the stuff, but it's fun to read! (Who am I to gripe? My fic is totally off!)

Ah, I'm willing to be #9 got me some cranky reviews, and maybe #8 too, but since I won't get to see the reviews until 3 days after I've posted this, I'll just have to go on with the thought I think I used to have.

Honestly, I need my mind.

Standard disclaimer. No, wait. I do own it, I do I do! I remember now! I got it for my birthday!

Nobody believes me, do they? L 

----------------------------------------

_What did that idiot do to his hair!! _Vegeta stared at Kakarot in disbelief. The man's spikes were gone, his hair short and ragged. _Oh, he had to have done that himself, and without a mirror. Good gods, is that an earring?!_ The little shimmer he'd noted was indeed a small earring, and if he wasn't mistaken, the baka had a dragon tattoo as well.

Skintight black jeans hugged the slender hips, a ripped mesh shirt hiding nothing from the prince's grudgingly admiring gaze. Nor the gazes of the others on the street. Disbelief turned to dismay when he overheard the conversation across the street. _He can't! He wouldn't! He is. What the hell did those people say to him? Nothing, absolutely nothing, could drive me to that. Not after what I've been through. And he's doing it willingly?_

He watched as Kakarot followed a man - a customer - to a car. Vegeta's eyes narrowed. A moment later, he was beside the two. "I don't think so, Kakarot!" he said silkily. "Time to be a good boy and come home."

"Hey, buddy, this here's…. all yours!" The man scurried away at the venomous look Vegeta gave him.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Dark eyes gazed blankly down at him. No emotion at all showed. "My job. You buying?"

"If I want you, I take you," Vegeta returned, his tone dangerous. "Or have you forgotten?"

There was a flicker of something, then his eyes blanked again. "No. What do you want?"

"I told you. It's time for you to go home."

"Come on, then." Goku turned, and set off at a leisurely pace. Vegeta followed him. Some ten minutes later, he found himself in Goku's apartment. One large room, and an open door that lead to a bathroom. It was sparsely furnished, a bed, a table with two chairs, a box with a few clothes in it, and a couch. A skillet and a pot sat on the stove. Goku opened the refrigerator, which proved to be rather badly stocked by Saiyan standards, and pulled out two bottles of juice. He tossed one to Vegeta. "We're home. Now what?"

Vegeta moved into the room, taking it in. There were absolutely no homey touches. No rugs, no pictures, not even a throw over the couch. The blanket on the bed was cheap and thin, the pillow somewhat less than full and plump. No magnets decorated the refrigerator, and there were no books or TV to relieve tedium. "Very utilitarian."

"I don't need much." Goku returned his attention to the refrigerator, taking out a number of items. "I'll fix us something to eat."

"Why are you here, Kakarot?" He decided to settle at the table.

"It's my home."

"That is not what I meant."

"I know." Something sizzled in the skillet. Vegeta waited. "I didn't have anywhere to go. So I came here."

"Did you think I couldn't find you?"

"No."

Vegeta's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "You thought no one would come looking."

"Yes. Here." A plate was deposited in front of him, and Goku took the other chair. "Why would they?"

"Perhaps because I told them what happened?"

The chopsticks the other held paused for the barest moment. "So? What if you did? No one cared that Radda was adopted. Why would they care that I was raped? They probably decided I deserved it."

"No, actually, they are all quite worried." Vegeta was worried himself. Kakarot never, ever ate so slowly. His plate should have been cleared within moments of him settling down to eat.

"Really. Why are you here?"

"To take you home."

"I am home."

"Back again?"

"You needed some groceries. I brought them."

"Sorry. I don't do charity these days." He started to shut the door.

"Who said anything about charity?" After forcing his way past Kakarot, Vegeta motioned the deliverymen in. "On the counter, or the floor. I don't care which."

Goku shrugged, returning to his bed. He watched with apparent indifference while the deliveries were completed, and said nothing until Vegeta had put away most of the food. Only then did he show any emotion. "You can _cook_?"

"Of course, baka. It helps to know how to cook if you've killed off everyone else on the planet. After all, there's no one left to cater to you."

"Oh, yeah, that does make sense."

Vegeta smiled a bit grimly. That was the first thing Kakarot had said that sounded remotely like him. "Of course it makes sense."

"And this isn't charity?"

A snort. "Naturally not. I do not do charity. That was always your department. Now come and eat this. It's best hot."

Goku slid from the bed, walking slowly toward the table. "There's a catch."

"No." A second plate of food was set next to the first. "You'll pay for this."

"Ah." Goku seemed to deliberate a moment, then shrugged. "Your payment couldn't be worse than anything I've done recently."

"You think so?" Vegeta scoffed. "I lived as Frieza's plaything. Do you seriously believe that I wouldn't know something more humiliating than a mere human?"

"I suppose you would. He wasn't all that fond of Saiyans." Goku popped a bite of food in his mouth. "Hmm… this is good. I suppose it's worth the price."

"I'm glad you think so. I would not normally cook for a low-class warrior - and especially not one like you!"

Goku merely grunted. He cleared two plates before speaking. "What, are you the only Saiyan warrior allowed to be a whore?"

Vegeta decked him. He stared down at the unconscious form. "I liked you better innocent."

"Ohhhh… my head!" Goku moaned. He blinked blearily, trying to get his eyes to focus. "AWK!"

"Hmm? Oh, you're awake. Shut-up, will you? I haven't gotten much sleep lately." Vegeta rolled over and went back to sleep.

"Huh?" _Did I miss something? Why's Vegeta in my bed? This is my bed, isn't it?_ One look around the room reminded him of his rather grim circumstances. _Oh, that's right. I didn't have much food. And he didn't care for my comment._

Goku swung himself out of bed and paced to the window. The view was somewhat less than inspiring, unless, of course, you needed inspiration for something dismal. The fact that it was raining didn't help any. _I thought it would be better, to leave everyone behind and start all over._ He turned from the window to regard the dirty dishes. _I guess Vegeta still doesn't do the dishes. Oh well. It's not like I don't know how._

Goku started on the dishes - Vegeta had used all of the few he had. He tossed a look at the man now sleeping in his bed. The prince could cook. He shook his head, allowing that thought to roll around in his head for a bit. Time enough for the harsher realities when Vegeta had gone.

_I never thought he would come. I didn't think any of them would look for me. Of course, I know a lot more now than I used to. That grave I put together couldn't have fooled anyone, least of all him. After all, they'd only need to ask at the Lookout to know I was still alive, or call the dragon._

So, he told them what happened. Why do I doubt they know all the details? I bet they still don't know how he knows, if they've even thought about that. I don't wonder, really, that it made a difference. After all, I wouldn't have been thinking too clearly after such a thing, after all. I'd try to get as far away as possible, that's what they probably think. Not that they'd be wrong, I did want to get away. But that didn't give them any right to act that way - I didn't do anything wrong, and they wouldn't listen.

He shook his head again, dispelling the emotions he'd managed to work up. Goku finished wiping the last plate, put it away, then hung the dishtowel to dry. He turned one of the chairs at the table, then settled down to examine his unexpected guest. _He hasn't stopped training. Not gotten soft at all, in any way. Although, his insults were a little weak. Why did he come, anyway?_ After a few minutes of ruminating on that, he gave it up. He wasn't as innocent as he'd once been, but he still didn't like complicated problems. Besides, his rent was due tomorrow and he was still short. Goku cast one last, lingering look at the sleeping prince, then headed out to rectify the matter.

-------------------------------

Goku: ??? What am I doing?

Jewel: Honey, you really don't want to know.

Vegeta: What makes you think he'd do something like that?

Jewel: Veg, he was all broken up, and he flat didn't care what happened to him. People do stuff like that. They feel so bad, for whatever reason, that they figure nothing they do can make them more miserable. So they do some of the things they'd never in their lives do if they weren't so broken.

Vegeta: But that?

Jewel: …. Even that. Even if that is what started the downward spiral to start with.

Vegeta: *shudders*


	11. Vegeta's slave

"You're more like me now." Vegeta tied off the bandage. "Who did this?"

"Customer."

"I stand corrected. And you owe me for your food."

"How do you want me? Cowering and whimpering like before?" Vegeta's jaw tightened. "I can do that, if you want. Or should I be the aggressor this time?"

"Oh, I think not. Your repayment is simple. You have to come back to Capsule Corp. with me."

"Not a chance."

"You already ate… your price. You can't give it back and refuse." The smoldering rage in his adversary's black eyes encouraged Vegeta to enlarge on that. "I can't have a slave in my castle if I'm not in the castle, after all."

The emotion vanished as if it had never been. "Ah. Of course not."

"What, you aren't going to argue?"

"No, Master."

_That is not precisely what I planned. Just what has happened to him these last few months?_

"Vegeta? Just what do you think you're doing?" Bulma screeched.

"I was enjoying a massage. I suppose you may have one when he's finished with me."

The tableau before her was an interesting one. Vegeta sprawled naked on the floor in their front room, where anyone walking in could see him. On his knees next to her husband was another man dressed in what could barely be called a loincloth. The scene was hedonistic, with candles lit to reflect from the glistening muscles of the men, and an assortment of cushions and pillows surrounding them. Vegeta's love of velvets and silks was obvious in the selection of the cushions - they were all from his room.

"You couldn't have gotten one at a massage parlor? Or at least in your bedroom? Anyone could walk in and see you!"

Vegeta promptly rolled over. "So they could. Do you think they would enjoy the view?"

"VEGETA!!!!" She yanked an afghan from the couch and threw it over her laughing husband. "You're impossible!"

He snorted, pulling the afghan to his waist. "You may continue," he told the masseuse. His arms behind his head, he looked at his wife. "I did what I set out to do."

"You found Goku?" Her anger completely forgotten, she crouched eagerly next to him. "Where is he? Is he okay? Did you bring him back?"

"I found him. He has no interest in returning here."

"Oh." She deflated. "Did you tell him we were worried?"

"He did not seem to care. I believe his exact answer to that was 'Really' in a rather uninterested tone, after which he wanted to know why I was there."

"You told him you were there to bring him home, right?"

"Of course. I was informed he was home." Malicious mirth lit his eyes. "He doesn't want to come back here."

"Vegeta, Goku is one of my oldest friends! Where is he? I have to go see him."

"Why?"

"Because I need to apologize to him! I…" She seemed to suddenly remember the masseuse. "Could you go away a minute?"

Vegeta smirked, then jerked his head. "Food." The man nodded once, and left the room.

"I screwed up, and I treated him really badly. I didn't give him a chance to explain. I've known him since he was a little kid, and I… I treated him like dirt."

"I've seen the way you treat dirt. You didn't treat him nearly so well as that."

"Oh, and did you treat him any better?" She looked up as the tattooed man returned with a tray of food. Expressionless eyes caught hers for only a moment before the man knelt next her husband and offered the tray.

"Why, no. If anything, I've treated him much worse. Isn't that right, my pet?" he asked, selecting a bit of cheese from the tray.

"No, Master."

"No?" Vegeta paused in the act of taking a bite, then smiled. "No, indeed not. I have yet to add such an insult to the injury given."

"As you say, Master."

"Where did you find this guy? Master! What is with that?" Bulma rose, disgusted. "Take yourself to your room. Chi-Chi is coming over soon, and the last thing she needs to see is…" She spoke to air. Vegeta and the strange man had disappeared.

Safe in his room, Vegeta selected a few items from his wardrobe. "Actually, it might be amusing to be down there when she comes. Do you think you wife will be more observant than mine?"

"She lived with me."

"So did mine, if you'll recall. All those adventures?"

"Not quite the same."

"Indulge me a moment. Tell me what happened these last few months. Part of your fee," he added when it seemed the other would object.

------------------------

Flashback time. Is that a good idea or a bad one. This is only 1 page long.


	12. Enter Kuroichi

"My meal seems to be worth more all the time."

"Indulge my curiosity." Vegeta threw the clothes on the bed, pushed Goku down on it. "Tell me what happened to change you. The first time I pushed you down like this, you fought. The second, you pleaded for me to stop. I can do this," Vegeta's hand glided up Goku's thigh, "and you don't flinch. I do this," his hand moved further, capturing and stroking, as he laid next to the younger Saiyan, "and your flesh responds, but your eyes are dead. Tell me, what happened this last year?"

"I changed."

"Why? Even after I raped you twice, you came back to me, acting no different. What happened, Goku?"

A flicker of emotion, swiftly depressed. Goku's hand drifted up, almost as if against his own will, to stroke Vegeta's face. "I changed."

"I'm aware of that, idiot. Did it mean that much to you, that they didn't believe you?" There was silence. "Or was it me? I seem to recall wiping your smile away last time I saw you.." Black eyes were suddenly hooded, the long lashes sweeping down. Goku's breath caught, just a little. Vegeta's eyes widened, just a bit. "_I_ meant that much to you? You wanted to change so completely because I hurt you?"

The hand against his cheek trembled, the only movement except for breathing. Vegeta frowned. "Foolishness." He stood, staring down at the broken creature who had once been the most powerful man alive. "Sheer foolishness. I've hurt you many times. What's once more?"

"Look at me." The black eyes opened, the other Saiyan suddenly on his feet. "Look at me, Master. Who am I? If you didn't know my chi, would you know me?"

Vegeta opened his mouth to say yes, then reconsidered. The butchered hair, the new scars. Tattoos and earring. Kakarot was still muscular, still tall, but there was an aura around him now that definitely did not correlate with Goku. The air of innocence, of gaiety, was gone. There wasn't even a brooding silence. It was as if he were just an emotionless machine. He thought of finding the man selling himself on the street. No self-respecting Saiyan warrior would do that. Even what little had been Saiyan about him was gone. It was the eyes, though. No one looking into his eyes would ever believe this man was Goku. "No. I suppose I wouldn't."

"I am Kuroichi."

Vegeta grabbed up his clothes again, put them on as he considered that simple statement. "Gives me something to introduce you as. Get dressed. Your wife will be loud enough if she figures out who you are, without you being next to naked." It wasn't until he was half-way down the stairs he realized Kakarot - Kuroichi - hadn't answered his question.

"And what about your… friend?" Bulma asked. "Is he staying for supper, too?"

"I hired his services for twenty-four hours. He stays until after lunch tomorrow." Dark eyes met, the taller man's dropping almost immediately. "This is Kuroichi."

Chi-Chi eyed the man. Skin tight leather pants, and a black mesh shirt. His slightly greasy hair hung in ragged locks, his expressionless eyes bored into her own. She dropped her gaze to the muscular torso, and the dragon tattoo that showed through the mesh, along with several nasty scars. She'd seen him before. "Where did you find him?"

"Same place I found your husband," Vegeta answered calmly, helping himself to a plateful of chicken.

"You found Goku?" Hope warred with anger in her tone. "Where is he? Upstairs? You just wait until I see him!"

"He informed me," Vegeta eyed the cheese tray, "that he didn't want to return."

"WHAT!!!! HE SAID WHAT!!!?" Chi-Chi screeched. "How dare he! Why doesn't he want to come back? He's got a home and a family here! Where was he? I'll go after him myself."

Vegeta felt the air of almost despair, and found himself turning to Kuroichi. "Here, sit with me and have something to eat." He fixed the man a plate while the entire rest of the company gaped at him. Only then did he turn back to the stunned harpy. "He said he was at home, woman. I imagine having all of his friends and family turn on him and not give him a chance to explain how he came to adopt his daughter had something to do with his decision."

"Oh." Chi-Chi dropped back into her seat. For lack of anything better to say, she focused on Vegeta's companion. "And that? Why bring that home with you?"

He met her gaze levelly, and stared her down. Not until she looked away did he answer. "I don't need to explain myself to the likes of you. Excuse her, Kuroichi."

"Yes, Master."

Chi-Chi leapt back out of her seat. "You!"

Kuroichi looked up from the meal he was slowly consuming, and to Vegeta as if for instructions. Then he turned to face the angry woman. "Yes?"

"Do you know my Goku?"

"Yes." His white-knuckled grip on the chicken leg he held went unnoticed by all but Vegeta.

"Where does he live?"

"He doesn't."

"What? Vegeta just said he found him!"

"Goku is dead," Kuroichi said, and took a bite of the chicken. "He wanted to make sure he couldn't be forced back here."

Vegeta's eyes flickered to the man next to him before returning to the meal before him. _Black one… he chose his name well._

"He… he…?" Chi-Chi's voice faltered.

"He destroyed himself," the man said flatly. "He made sure he couldn't come back. If the dragon is called, he will refuse to return. Vegeta's visit was unexpected, and he didn't want it repeated."

"Quite the performance, Goku. But, you never answered my question."

"Goku destroyed himself. Only I remain."

"Oh, I don't think so. You were hurt when Bulma didn't recognize you, and hurt worse when your wife called you a thing. I know you better than you think, Kakarot."

"My name is Kuroichi."

"Kuroichi," Vegeta whispered, making the name a caress. "Tell me what happened to Goku."

"I killed him," Kuroichi spat. "I couldn't stand him anymore, so I killed him."

_Kuro ichi. His despair, I suppose, eating away at him. Goku wasn't one who would kill himself, but he would sacrifice himself if he needed to. I wonder…_ "It was harder for Goku as an adult on his own than it was when he was a child, wasn't it? No friendly girl-children dragging him home for meals, no teenage girls dragging him on adventures and providing the housing and food. No old hermits to live with. He actually needed money, didn't he? Why didn't he just get a job?"

"Doing what?" Kuroichi asked dully. "He tried. He took all the jobs he could that didn't need someone really educated. He worked in factories, in restaurants, did odd jobs for people. He broke the machines in the factories trying to learn how to operate them, got fired from the restaurants because he ate more than he earned to pay for, and the odd jobs just didn't come often enough. What was he supposed to do?"

"Live off the land. He'd done that before." His idea to discuss Goku as if he were someone else, that was getting him the answers he wanted. "Why didn't he do that?"

"He did. He ate what he caught as he traveled. He drank from what streams he passed. And he slept wherever he fell. He walked, Vegeta, in a straight line. If there was something to eat that wasn't directly in his path, he didn't eat. If the water wasn't right in front of him, he didn't drink. When it caught up to him, he was in that town where you found him. He collapsed there, sick. He'd been suppressing his chi that whole time, trying to convince everyone he was dead, because he thought that was what they wanted. All he wanted was a new life. And I gave him that life, when he finally realized he was too innocent to survive."

"Why didn't he just go back home?" Vegeta pulled the shirt from the other man, traced the scars he knew were caused by whips. "Why did he choose your life over trying again?"

"He'd tried. After he left you, he tried. Four months ago, he tried. He realized then he didn't have any home except the one I made for him."

"Four months ago?" Vegeta slipped his arms around the other man. "You knew Chi-Chi wouldn't recognize you."

"I saw all the women that day. Chi-Chi, Videl, Pan, Bulma and Bra. They didn't even give me a chance to tell them who I was. I thought…"

"You thought they might recognize you tonight. But it hurt that they didn't, so you killed Goku at the dinner table, didn't you. Don't lie to me."

"Yes."

Vegeta reached up, tracing a scar that cut across Kuroichi's eye, down his cheek, and across his mouth. "You didn't come to me."

"I'm here now." _Back in your arms, again. This time, it's my choice. This time, you can't hurt me. This time, there's no one left to hurt. Goku is _dead_. Only I remain. Only Kuroichi, and this is my life._ "What do you wish me to do, Master?"

He lay curled on his side, after, Vegeta curled around him. _Goku is dead. Dead. There is nothing left of him. What hope remained that Goku could be revived was crushed. I am Kuroichi. I have been a long time. Now, I can admit it. I am… a whore. _

But one thing bothers me. Vegeta, he was so gentle. Not like before. Why would he be gentle? Vegeta is not a gentle man. I don't understand. Why is he being kind? He is… being kind, isn't he?

"Kuroichi."

"Master?" The question was automatic. Kuroichi had played the role of a slave many, many times.

"When did you choose your name?"

_I remember. I was so sick, I barely even registered what was happening to me. They fed me when I finished performing. I got better. But by then, I didn't care what happened to me anymore. My energy returned, but not my strength, and I suppressed my energy. I didn't want to be found, not after what had happened to me. What still happens to me, because I have chosen to let it happen, because I wasn't capable of doing anything else._ "I chose it when I chose this life."

"I did not choose such a life. You were even stronger than I was." He allowed the not quite question to hang.

"I was." The simple statement hung, much like the question. But in this, Vegeta proved stronger. "I… got sick. When I recovered, I had become Kuroichi."

"Did you choose that name?"

"It seemed suitable."

Vegeta trailed his fingers along Kuroichi's ribs. "You didn't answer my question."

"I did."

"You became Kuroichi while you were sick, but you chose the name?" Gentle insistence.

"It was the name they gave me, it was the name I chose to keep."


	13. Decision

You like it? Really? Wow! I thought that last twist was gonna have you all throwing rotten eggs at me or something. Oh, I did up a picture of Kuroichi. It isn't very good, there's too much emotion, but it was the best I could finangle. I'll stick it up on my website (yes, I do actually have one of those) later. I took liberties with some of the manga.

I'm getting more requests to make this yaoi. So, I better explain something real quick. Ahem. No flames allowed for my personal opinion, either. My personal opinion of homosexuality is that it's a waste of the gene pool. Yaoi is most definitely a waste of men (I know entirely too many adorable men of that persuasion) and yuri is just plain ick and not to ever be thought of. The idea that there is a fem out there who could have the hots for me is disturbing. Having said all that, this is getting more yaoi by the second. Thank you for indulging in my confusion.

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DarkSerapha - you have some very odd friends. I thought I did, but I can't think of a single one who would molest me as a thank you! I'm bringing back your faith?! Coolnesses. (Veggie's very into being the master… we all know that!)

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Talon - you are officially scary. Just thought you should know that. J I like constructive criticism, but cries for more work great, too!

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Tatoosh - Well, there's betrayal to deal with, but it isn't mine! Read happily (er, as happily as angst can be read).

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suisheu - Ah! I love it. All your reviews went exactly with what I was hoping everyone would be wondering! *does happy dance* er, except one thing. Zweb's on Yardrat. Goku went to her.

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_It was the name I chose to keep._ Vegeta couldn't quite understand what he didn't like about that. He'd sent Kuroichi home. He was unable to consider the man as Goku - that had been a habit for his entire life, but that he couldn't consider him Kakarot bothered him. He'd called that man Kakarot for as long as he'd known him.

Yet, he wasn't Kakarot any more than he was Goku. Not anymore. The emptiness that had seemed to surround the man had nothing about it of Goku's effervescent charm, and none of Kakarot's fighting spirit. He had changed out of recognition, only the chi signature giving him away. And that, he had effectively squashed so that he read as a normal human.

Vegeta trained, the routine a comfort after yesterday's unsettling events. _Look at me. Who am I, Master? If you didn't know my chi, would you know me?_ And he'd had to admit that he wouldn't. _I saw him infrequently, usually only to spar, or occasionally at one of Bulma's parties. His wife _lived_ with him for years. Bulma has known him since he was a child. Yet, neither knew him. I don't think either of them did more than glance at his face. That scar - the wound didn't heal well. Not that the little ones were any improvement. So many scars. He let them whip him, let them cut him. He said it was because he didn't care what happened to him anymore. I don't… I don't think I believe that._

I know I don't. He cried in his sleep.

Kuroichi counted the money Vegeta had given him. He knew the value of money now, and the total astonished him. A year's rent, at least. Or enough for a new start, to try again to be something else. He considered that idea, reminding himself of everything he'd tried to do, and failed at. And he made sure to add being a husband and father to that list. "If I had been a good husband, I wouldn't be here. I'd be with Chi-Chi… who doesn't even know me when I'm standing in front of her."

Kuroichi shook his head. No use dwelling on it. He had his present to worry about. He could stay or go now. The choice was his. But… what did he want to do? _In a way, he's given me what I gave him so long ago, when I was Goku. I gave him a second chance. This money… I could start over. I wouldn't need any kind of a job for awhile. I could learn how to fail at everything I haven't failed at yet, I suppose. My rent is due. I suppose… I suppose I'd better pay it._

Kuroichi pulled a small storage capsule from its hiding place. The three things in it 'poofed' on the bed. He picked them up, one at a time, trying to remember why he had kept them. He regarded the small gold ring a very long time, his mind carefully blank. What it had meant to him, when he'd last seen it, he didn't want to dwell on. _This. I could have buried this with the rest of those things. I could have sold it once I remembered about it. It would have paid the rent, stocked the pantry. Why did I keep this? It's just a broken promise. I'll send it back to her, say I found it in his things when I was clearing his stuff out. It no longer holds any meaning for me._

The last item was a photograph. "Vegeta…" He held the picture, comparing the face smiling up at him with the man he'd left the day before. "You recovered." The photos, trinkets, and three-quarters of the money went back into the little capsule. He tucked it away, back in its hiding place.

The ring went into an envelope with a brief note. He shoved it into the back pocket of his jeans, scooped up the money he hadn't stashed, and walked out the door. The landlord lived on the first floor of the building, and was quite happy to write Kuroichi a receipt for three months rent. Having settled where he would live for awhile, Kuroichi went shopping, and dropped the letter in a mailbox on the way.

_Damn him!_ Vegeta fumed, punishing the inoffensive air around him. _Why must his memories still consume me? I thought I finally got them settled! To see him again…. It stirred them back up. That must be it._ He gave up his training as a lost cause, and settled down to work through the peculiarities.

_It is the emptiness that bothers me the most. He had so much pain inside, before. Even from before… what happened between us. I felt nothing of that this time. I felt nothing from him but a few flashes of anger and that despair when his wife didn't recognize him. Where did all his emotion go? Kakarot was a very emotional creature._

This Kuroichi is much more like me. Like I was, I should say. Everything is bottled up, so tightly that nothing seeps through. Except he has no pride, and only the slightest will to live. Considering Kakarot's condition the last time I saw him, it is something of a miracle that he is still alive. What drove him to so surrender himself to that nothingness, so that at least a shell of himself could survive?

Kuroichi knows that he is Goku, Kakarot. He said he killed Goku. But… he said nothing of killing Kakarot. Perhaps it was the Saiyan will to survive that keeps the shell alive, and no doing of Goku's at all? That made a twisted sort of sense. A Saiyan would, after all, do whatever was necessary in order to survive. His own survival, in spite of Frieza's abuse , was proof enough of that.

_He told me that Yardrat woman told him he still had his Saiyan memories, just not conscious access to them._ That opened up a whole new realm of possibilities. _Does he think of himself as weak? As a failure? The price of such on Vegeta was almost always death. The weak usually did not survive the training. The weakest - I remember! - the weakest were shipped off-planet, so that our enemies couldn't harm them. Isn't that what Father said? I saw so many pods go out. And I watched Frieza track down and destroy them. Kakarot survived, because he was sent off just before Frieza destroyed our world. Raditz and Nappa survived because Frieza didn't consider them to be any kind of a threat, and didn't want to raise me. That was their job._

Vegeta shook his head angrily. Those memories did not help with the puzzle named Kuroichi. And they made him so angry all he was interested in was completely forgetting about them. A meal would help. Cooking was oddly therapeutic, as long as his wife didn't find out. Naturally, she was in the kitchen.

Kuroichi stopped short, dropping one of his bags. "What are you doing here?"

"The woman was in the kitchen. I felt like cooking."

"How did you get in?" He bent, grabbed the bag, and headed for his bed.

"Your landlord was ridiculously easy to bribe. He also thinks I'm a customer of yours."

"You told him that?"

"Of course not. He did, however, remember me."

"Ah." Vegeta heard appreciative sniffing. "What are you making?"

"Homemade pizza, garlic bread, steamed rice, hamburgers, and fried chicken. Mashed potatoes and gravy. The sushi and salad are ready, and the rolls. I'll make a cake later." He turned, watched Kuroichi finish spreading out a new blanket over his bed. "You decided not to move."

"It suits me to stay."

"It doesn't seem quite as empty as before."

"I've done some shopping." Kuroichi sat at the table, loaded a plate. "I entertain here more often than I used to. Needed stuff."

"I saw some of that stuff," Vegeta returned dryly, seating himself. The food was safe to leave for awhile, and he was hungry. They ate in silence. Vegeta had made more food than they needed, but he had been cooking for two Saiyans, not this strange Kuroichi, who ate less than half of what Goku would have. He frowned, looking at what still cooked, and back to the other man.

"Don't you like my cooking? You've barely touched it."

"I don't eat that much any more." Kuroichi lifted a shoulder in a self-deprecating shrug. "I haven't eaten like a Saiyan… well, for a long time."

"Are you saying there's a difference?" Vegeta asked, recalling the way some of Trunks' friends had put away food. He caught the faintest hint of a smile on the other's face when he shook his head and loaded his plate again.

"Not much of one, I suppose."

They finished off the red velvet cake before speaking again. Vegeta had taken over Kuroichi's new couch, lounging on it, happily replete. Kuroichi sprawled across his bed, his stomach distended with the food he'd eaten. "I ate too much."

"You just aren't used to eating that much anymore. It wasn't even half of what you used to eat."

"'Geta, I swear, I haven't eaten that much for over a year. It was too much. I think…" What he thought was immediately apparent as he bolted for the bathroom.

"What a waste." Vegeta's eyes closed. Full and oddly at peace, he fell asleep.

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Vegeta: I would not cook for him. I don't cook.

Jewel: You expect me to believe you can't?  
Vegeta: I didn't say I can't, I said I don't!

Goku: Yah! I got to eat. Wait a minute - I got sick??!

Jewel: Goku, hun, why don't you go take a nap or something?

Goku (indignant): I am not a little kid!

Jewel & Vegeta: Sometimes it's real hard to tell.

Goku: *leaves in a huff*

Vegeta: Why am I cooking for him?  
Jewel: Cooking is therapeutic for you. *points at the appropriate line* See? And you don't want Bulma to know you can cook.

Vegeta: That, I agree with.

Jewel: Besides, you just had a thought. I have forgotten what the thought was, though, so I had to put you to sleep until I remembered.

Vegeta: You're daft, you know that?

Jewel: Of course!


	14. Needle

Sweet Vegeta. Ugh. I think I need to gag. That was just… I dunno, a little too sappy.

Vegeta: Yes, it was. Go fix it.

Jewel: Hey, this isn't where I talk with you. That's at the end!

Vegeta: Then fix it here.

Jewel: Scram. I need a muse, not an arrogant Saiyan prince.

Vegeta: !!!

Jewel: ?? Did I just say what I thought I did? Mind! Mind! Come back quick!

Anyhow, that was sappy. Wasn't it? I won't know until (calculates) er, um… let's see. Saturday. Maybe if I can post this stuff in the morning, I could know by Wednesday night, but that's not likely. That's my usual posting time. Okay. Back to work.

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_Vegeta's still asleep. Good. I was afraid I was going to wake him up. Oh, man. I haven't been this sick for a long time! I don't care what he says, next time I am not eating that much!_ Kuroichi staggered back to his bed, spent, and flopped onto it. The click as the door opened barely registered, but the soft laugh of the man who entered did.

He got up, moved to the door. "Go away. Got a customer. Can't have you here."

"Kuroichi, you know we'll just send your customer on his way, just like we have before."

"He don't take well to being woke up."

"Then be a good boy, so we don't have to wake him. Or maybe," the man opened a zippered bag, pulling out a needle, causing a strangled gasp from Kuroichi, "we'll show him how to keep you under control."

Kuroichi backed away from the door, his breathing had quickened. "No… no. Not that. Put it away. You… can come in." The three men had backed him to the bed, but his gaze was fixed on the needle.

"Of course we can. Now remember, you don't want to wake your customer up!" the shortest man laughed genially, then slashed him with a razor. He caught his breath, a soft little gasping cry. "Now, now, Kuroichi. That's not what I want to hear, and you know it! Brad, let him have it."

Brad raised the needle to wave in Kuroichi's face. The other two men were holding his arms. "Are you going to beg, Kuroichi?" the man asked, the needle moving closer to the Saiyan's face. "Aren't you going to beg your friend to come and save you?"

"He won't come. He never comes," laughed the short man. "Come on, stick him. I want to see how he reacts to this. It should be fun." Kuroichi tried to back away, falling onto the bed. The men laughed, fastening him down with the straps there for that purpose.

"Your customer should thank us for this." Brad ran the needle across Kuroichi's skin. He whimpered, trying not to, gasped when the needle would prick him. "It's the latest craze, heightens your sensitivity and your sex drive. You won't be able to do enough to please him! After we finish with you, of course." Brad paused, the needle held ready. "Here we go, Kuroichi!"

"Don't! Stop it, no!" Kuroichi thrashed wildly as the needle entered his arm, crying out now as he always did. "No! Don't let them do this! 'Geta!"

"Ah, Kuroichi, don't you know 'Geta won't come? Haven't you learned that by now? You call him every time, and he never comes. 'Geta doesn't care what happens to you."

"Oh, but you're wrong." Kuroichi looked up, seeing Vegeta grab the man, break his wrist. He whimpered in relief when the older Saiyan removed the needle. "I did come, and I do care." Vegeta threw the men out the window, then settled next to him.

"'Geta? 'Geta! You came! You came for me… you came…" He broke down, sobbing, ashamed.

"Yes, of course I came. You called for me." Vegeta undid the straps, pulled the shaken Saiyan close. "Goku, I'm here. You're safe. They won't bring the needle back." Vegeta held him.

Kuroichi cried, trembling. He clutched at Vegeta, holding him like a lifeline. _He came, he came. I'd forgotten… the needle… I forgot he was here. He didn't let them hurt me, didn't let them drug me. He came for me… he heard me call him. He came…_

His eyes were gritty when he woke up, curled tightly against the Saiyan prince. He still clutched the older man. Vegeta hadn't left him, hadn't been angry at his weakness. It wasn't possible. "'Geta?" he whispered.

"I'm here." The soft reassurance was accompanied by a gentle hand running through his mangled hair.

"You came… you stayed with me?"

"You called me, I answered. You needed me to stay, so I did."

"You despise weakness."

"Yes."

"You stayed." The statement was both accusation and question. Vegeta chuckled, running a comforting hand along the younger man's body. "Yes, I stayed."

"Why?"

_Why indeed? That's a good question. I despise weakness._ "I felt like it." _I am not sure who this is. He is not so emotionless as Kuroichi, but not nearly as emotional as Kakarot. Goku. Argh! I am confusing myself!_

The two lay quietly, with Kuroichi burrowed under Vegeta's chin, curled against him. Gradually, Kuroichi relaxed. Vegeta grunted a little, rearranging himself more comfortably as the taller man unwound from the ball he'd managed to get himself into. "'Geta?"

"Now what?"

"I want to go home."

"Goku…" Vegeta whispered.

"I want to go home, 'Geta, I want to go home… but I'm dead. I can't go home, can I?"

Vegeta felt the warm wetness of fresh tears against his throat. "I can take you home."

"Will everyone love me? Will they know me? You know they won't. You know they think I died. I sent Chi-Chi her ring back. I killed myself. Kuroichi… take him home with you 'Geta. But don't forget me. Let me stay beautiful. Let me die innocent."

Vegeta barely understood the last breathy whisper. He pulled the young Saiyan closer. "I will."

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Goku: Huh?

Vegeta: I don't get it.

Jewel: Well, I do. I think. Kuroichi moves to Capsule Corp.!

Goku: But… I don't want to die!

Vegeta: You aren't dead.

Goku: *reads, points* See! I don't want to die!

Jewel: Goku, relax. It's a very complicated emotional issue.

Goku: I hate complicated things. Math is bad enough.

Jewel: *remembers Goku subtracting one from sixteen* Um, yeah.

Vegeta: I am being a wimp again.

Jewel: You are gaining a personal servant completely devoted to you.

Vegeta: J Oh! *evil snicker*

Jewel: … hehe… bad boy!

Goku: Huh?


	15. New Home

Upon further reflection, it comes to me that I haven't got a problem with yaoi between imaginary people. (I'm reading far too much of it to have a problem with it.) Yuri, I still have a problem with. It's just me. I never claimed (and hopefully never will) to be normal. Remind me one of these days to write something for fictionpress.net where a strange nobody with decidedly unpolitically correct views runs for president and wins. (Note: classify as humor) It would be humor, right?

I digress. Let's see. Kuroichi is moving to Capsule Corp. Shouldn't Bulma have a cow? I better get rid of her.

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Vegeta gave him the room adjoining his own, and left him to unpack. Kuroichi hadn't been a collector, and had very little that needed unpacking. His few clothes didn't even fill the dresser. Vegeta had allowed him to bring his tools, those he stuffed in the back of the closet. Somehow, he didn't think his master would care to have them visible to anyone who just walked into the room, but would want at least some of them available. The capsule where he kept his few treasures he tucked behind one of the dresser drawers, and taped it securely.

That hidden, he sat on the chair at the desk. This room was bigger than the one he'd had the last time he'd stayed here, but other than that, not much different. White walls, white curtains, bed, desk, chairs, bookcases. It had a balcony, a small refrigerator, and an extra closet, the only differences. There wasn't any personalization of any sort, it was as bare as his apartment had been. He rose, and opened the door to Vegeta's room.

Dark blue walls, velvet burgundy curtains. A black satin comforter on the king-sized waterbed. All kinds of darker colored pillows and cushions, most in silk and velvet. Candles everywhere, and the smell of incense. The chairs were all overstuffed, plushy things except for the utilitarian ones at the desk and table. A mini-kitchen, Kuroichi noticed with the closest to a smile he'd had for a long time. There was a television VCR combo, and a huge bookcase full of videos. A game console, and a shelf full of games. Two more bookcases were overflowing with books. A few small photos were scattered around, three excellent paintings on the walls. A few magazines were on the floor next to the bed, having slipped from the pile on the nightstand. Except for that, the room was spotless.

He closed the door, regarding his own room again. The whiteness of it was glaring, reflecting the sun pouring through the open curtains. Unlike Vegeta's room, there wasn't the slightest bit of anything to tell about the person occupying it. Even the thick comforter he'd thrown over the bed did little to tell about him. The bright red blanket merely provided the only splash of color in the room.

"Bulma is gone, she's on some business trip again. Trunks is with her," Vegeta explained later that evening. "She left me a note, the trip was moved up from next week. So, you'll have time to get settled in before you have to deal with anyone."

"Yes, Master."

Vegeta nodded. "Your duties are very simple, you do what I say. And I suggest you start with supper. You will eat with me."

"As you say." Kuroichi left the room, heading for the kitchen to begin a meal. He paused, then turned around. "Master, do you want anything in particular?"

"Surprise me."

"Yes." He continued on his way. Vegeta watched him go.

"This may take a little getting used to." He turned on the television, idly flipping through the stations. And with an exasperated sigh, settled on the only show he hadn't seen at least twice - some romantic pap.

Kuroichi searched through the cabinets and pantry of the huge Capsule Corp. kitchen. He had no idea what Vegeta might want, but did remember that the man positively hated green beans. He regarded an entire shelf of the things with some surprise, before remembering that Trunks loved them. _But I won't be cooking for Trunks. Will I? I'll have to remember to ask._

Eventually, he found enough pots and pans to fix Vegeta a decent sized meal. He fixed up an appetizer plate, taking that to Vegeta before resuming his duties in the kitchen. _Spaghetti - Vegeta loves pasta - and garlic bread, meatballs, a salad. Soup, there should be soup. And sandwiches. What else? Maybe cheese sticks? No, Ooey-gooey bread. That'd be better! Oh, a vegetable tray. No, I don't think so. The salad should be enough. Doesn't Bulma have any dressing? I guess I'll need to make some. He likes his with lots of vinegar. Yuck._

He hummed as he worked, not trying to carry any kind of tune. He wasn't particularly upset to be here, it was a better arrangement, all in all. He was provided with a room, meals, and money. Vegeta wouldn't be coming by at unexpected intervals, waving needles around and threatening to shoot him full of drugs. And he knew the prince well enough to anticipate some of his needs and wants. This would do, for now.

"_Kuroichi… take him home with you 'Geta. But don't forget me. Let me stay beautiful. Let me die innocent." _Goku's last plaintive request haunted Vegeta. _Let me die innocent. Let me die… let me… die._ Kuroichi was here, with him, and within him, Goku. _Your spirit was crushed, your will to live. Your family betrayed you, your friends. And when you recovered enough to try again, they didn't even know you. I barely recognized you, you had changed so much. Should I let you die? I told you I would not forget you, that I would let you stay beautiful and die innocent. I do not break my promises, Goku._

He shot a look at his silent dinner partner. Kuroichi had flatly refused to eat any more, saying he didn't want to get sick like the last time. _With your chi suppressed, maybe you don't need as much to eat. You are not Goku, or Kakarot. Kuroichi is no more than a normal human… I must remember that this is your choice. You have chosen to be what you are not, so that you may die innocent. I wonder if you are._

"Master?"

"Yes?"

"Do… will I be cooking only for you? Or for your family?"

"You'll only cook for me. You're mine, you don't need to do anything I don't specifically assign you to. But, it's up to you if you want to take on extra responsibilities to them." Vegeta had been expecting the question, or one similar. "You do not bed anyone except me."

"I understand." Kuroichi flushed slightly, to Vegeta's amusement. Kuroichi rose, and cleared their plates. They'd eaten in the kitchen, he began washing up.

"Kuroichi?"

"Yes?"

"You do not need to attend me tonight."

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Vegeta: Well, that was short.

Jewel: I had a thought that didn't match up with this.

Goku: Huh?

Jewel: Well, I did. And then I reread a couple of chapters, and promptly had to erase 6 chapters. Annoying.

To you all - yes, I missed my usual Wednesday post. I'm supposed to be getting my own internet here by the end of the week, so I figured just to wait. Besides, having to erase 6 chapters because I screwed up was really annoying!


	16. Reaffirmed Promise

Ah, part of the fun - response time! J Anyhowz….

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Tatoosh: Er… I wasn't referring to the charries when I mentioned gene pools. J If you meant Bush, I suppose so. I should have said female nobody, hey? Actually, it might be kind of fun to have that happen for real. Know anyone who'd like to be vice-prez? Stick them in the same story! (which I am actually going to go ahead and write… but not today! Or maybe just do it…. Anyone wanna run as my vicepres?) Out of curiosity, is there anything I can improve on?

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suisheu: Survival… I kinda figured he didn't need as much food since he wasn't expending as much energy. I think that was in a chappy I deleted because of my screw-up. You've got some good ?'s! I'll have to write up some answers, story-style! Yes, he's expecting to be "booted" again, poor baby. Yes, it's obvious you like yaoi! J I still prefer mine between imaginary peoples.

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Lady Sakura-chan : Ah, yes. Here you are. Next chappy…

Oh, a note. I got my internet, and it came complete with that stupid blaster worm virus. Every time I connect to the 'net, it comes back. And yes, I did download the patch. And the symantec beaterupper. The virus is still winning. I am not a happy camper. Oh! Almost forgot. Kuroichi's pic, and the original of Goku, are both up on my site. I'm reliably informed all the links work. Although, since I have absolutely no clue about how to do pages, they aren't properly property-of-ized

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"I'm back!" Bulma sang out, walking through the door. "Vegeta? Oh! What are you doing here?"

"Mom, do you have to stop right in front of me?" Trunks stopped short, barely avoiding trampling his mother. He stared at the man in front of her, wide-eyed, then blinked a few times. "Uh… who are you?"

A faint expression that could have been disappointment crossed the other's face. "Kuroichi, young master."

"Young master?" Mother and son exchanged a look.

"Yes, Mistress."

"Mistress?"

"KUROICHI!" Vegeta's voice echoed through the hall. Kuroichi bowed to them, and vanished into the kitchen. They were still standing in the hallway, looking stunned, when he headed back out with a covered tray.

"Master? Your family is back."

"I heard her." Vegeta made a face. "The entire neighborhood heard her. What's this?"

"Just a snack. Grapes, cherries, strawberries." Kuroichi settled the tray on the desk next to Vegeta and removed the lid, revealing that he'd also brought bananas, apples, and oranges. "And milk."

"Cookies?" Vegeta asked hopefully, his eyes lighting up when Kuroichi solemnly produced some. "You know me too well."

"It is my job to serve you," Kuroichi reminded him. "I… want to do that well."

Vegeta paused in the act of biting into a strawberry, taking in the downcast , averted eyes of the other. "Kneel." Kuroichi dropped obediently, head bowed and arms behind his back, a position he knew Vegeta favored. Vegeta smiled, faintly. "Have you eaten today?"

"Yes, Master." But Vegeta could see how the man's shoulders had tensed, knew what it meant. He drummed his fingers. "I had a bowl of cereal," Kuroichi confessed.

"That's it?" Vegeta's eyes narrowed. "What have I told you?"

"I need to eat more," Kuroichi sighed. "But Master, I… I'm not hungry."

"How can you serve me well if you don't eat?" Vegeta chose another strawberry, rolled it between his fingers. A sly grin appeared as he traced the strawberry along Kuroichi's jaw. "You will eat, Kuroichi."

Trunks chose the moment that Kuroichi bit into the fruit to walk through the door. "Oh my…" his voice trailed off as his eyes boggled at the sight before him. Vegeta smirked, waiting. His son's mouth opened and shut a few times, but it took nearly a minute for him to recover his voice. While he got that back, Vegeta very deliberately fed Kuroichi a cherry, trailing it over the scar that cut across his face before offering it. "DAD!"

"You sound like a strangled goose, Trunks." Vegeta waited, the cherry poised on Kuroichi's lips, his attention on him rather than his son. His patience was rewarded when Kuroichi tipped his head back, parting full lips to reveal the strong teeth which pulled the cherry from its stem. He selected a small bunch of grapes, feeding them one at a time to the Saiyan kneeling before him. "Is there a reason you came to see me?" he inquired, when his son did no more than gape and gasp.

"I… you… What is going on?!" Trunks yelped.

"I'm feeding him, what does it look like?" He spared a glance at his son, amused at the flush on the man's cheeks. "He's been skipping too many meals."

"It looks like you're seducing him," Trunks faltered. "Dad… what? Why?"

"Kuroichi is mine. And since he refuses," Vegeta glared down at the man kneeling between his legs, "to feed himself, I feed him."

"Yours… what do you mean, he's yours?"

For an answer, Vegeta casually held a banana out for the other man to eat. Trunks watched that for only a moment before crossing the room to send Kuroichi sprawling to the floor several feet away from Vegeta. He towered over his father, glaring down at him. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Father? Haven't you punished Mother enough? Or do you hate her so much for what she did, that it doesn't matter how much you humiliate her? Another man! And in her own house! What are you thinking?"

Vegeta pushed him out of the way, going to where Kuroichi curled on the floor, blood pouring from the wound on his head where he'd smacked into a bookcase. The man was shaking, tears slipping from his eyes. Vegeta knew they weren't for physical pain. "Kuroichi…" He knelt, noticing that bruises were already forming where Trunks had grabbed the man's shoulder to fling him away. "Kuroichi?"

He received no answer, and turned, snarling, to his son. "He needs to be stitched up. Get out of my way." He gathered the shivering Saiyan close, and shoved past his son, heading for the small medical facility.

He knew she stood in the doorway, knew she watched them. He didn't care. Her heels tapped against the tile as she approached to look at the man on the bed. Vegeta had cleaned and stitched the new wound, bandaged it. It might still scar, but it would not be so bad as many of the other scars that crisscrossed the strong body.

"Vegeta?" Her voice was small. "Is he going to be alright?"

He never raised his gaze from the sleeper's face as he answered, "He wasn't well to start with. He hadn't been taking care of himself. He wants to die. He told me that. That's why he didn't try to stop the bleeding." Kuroichi had left a trail of blood from the library to the infirmary, and he still needed to clean that up. "He'll live. I don't know if he will be alright."

"How long, Vegeta?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you been his lover?"

"I'm not his lover, I'm his Prince. He serves me."

"How long?"

He looked at her, annoyed. "I brought him home to find out your business trip had been moved up."

"He's been here two months and you never said anything?"

"None of your concern." He resumed his contemplation of the man on the bed. "He is here to serve me, not you."

"Why?"

He was silent a moment. "I _am_ a Prince, woman. He serves me, much like Raditz and Nappa once did."

"And did you feed them fruit you teased them with first?" she cried.

So, Trunks had told her. "Of course not. But they weren't trying to starve themselves to death like Kuroichi is." Gentle fingers touched the bruises. "He bruises far too easily, bleeds too much, and he heals slowly," Vegeta said quietly. "He was much stronger, once, before his family turned on him. He and Kakarot… they lived together, did you know that? Broken soul, broken spirit. Barely enough will between them to get through a single day, before I showed up on their doorstep.

"Kakarot… Goku asked me to bring Kuroichi home with me. I will not abandon him as his family has. I will not abandon him as I did Kakarot." He'd said more than he planned, but it didn't matter, the woman had already left them. Vegeta stared down at the sleeper. "I will not abandon you."

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Vegeta: Why me? Why not Piccolo?

Goku & Jewel: !!!!!

Vegeta: THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!!! BAKAS!

Jewel: You know, you are really starting to worry me.

Goku: I like it when Vegeta is nice to me.

Vegeta: O.O'

Jewel: Me too. Now…. Who does Bulma tell about this???? Or maybe… AHHA!!!!


	17. Recognition

I know, that was short, and it's a double post and you're all wondering about that since I got 'net, right? Stupid phone company rep I talked to lied to me, and did not set it up properly like he said he did (the way I had it last time I had net)…. Grrr…. I am offline again. Fragitall. (And yes, I sent them a cranky letter.)

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__

Well, at least there's one good thing about him being unconscious, I can get him decently fed! Vegeta adjusted the drip on the IV, waiting as the contents - originally set to be given over the course of six hours - drained away over the next half hour. He changed it twice before he reset the thing, and disposed of the incriminating empty bags. _I promised to let Goku die, not Kuroichi, but I want him to live well if he's going to live. No more of this starving himself! I do not care if he never raises his chi again, as long as he EATS!_

A little surprised by how vehement his thought had been, Vegeta paused, his gaze unerringly landing on the nearly still form. Only the steady rise and fall of his chest gave any indication that Kuroichi was alive. _Gods above and below, I hadn't realized just how _pale _he was. Those scars - Kakarot! How could you? Goku, how did you sink so low?_ The scars looked livid and half-healed, angry reds against the nearly translucent whiteness of his skin. There wasn't a single portion of his body that didn't have a scar somewhere on it.

The bruises Trunks had given him were mottled, ugly yellow and green with some bluish-purple still showing. _The boy was appalled when he saw all those scars, and even more horrified when he realized he'd left such massive bruises. At least it doesn't seem that the cut will scar. Small consolation._

Why in the world does he think I hate his mother and am punishing her? Did she do something? I have been rather preoccupied…. Vegeta let his mind wander as he continued his self-appointed task of tending his servant.

"Vegeta?" The soft call preceded the mass of hair that poked around the door, topping the head of the younger version of the broken man on the bed. "Can I….?" Goten blinked halfway through his question, walked to the bed. Uncertain fingers reached out, tracing the scar that cut across the face, outlining the dragon. "Dad…"

"Your father's dead, brat."

"No." Goten shook his head, his fingers running lightly, uncertainly over the mangled hair. "No, this is my father. Do you think I wouldn't recognize him? What is going on? Mother told me he died… months ago. She said you told them he was dead."

"No. This isn't your father, Goten. This is Kuroichi… the man your father lived with most of the last year. He is the one who told us your father killed himself."

Goten froze, his fingers dangling helplessly over yet another of the many scars. "This man… is the one who said Father killed himself?"

"Yes." Vegeta waited.

"But… Vegeta?" Goten raised his head, closed his eyes. "You're wrong. This _is_ my father. That's his chi signature… but so weak! What's wrong with him?"

"No, Goten." Vegeta found himself reaching to touch the man's shoulder, making Goten meet his eyes. "Your father is dead. He asked me to… let him die as he'd lived, beautiful and innocent. This is Kuroichi. Your father asked me to bring home with me."

Black on black eyes met his own, dropped. "I understand. I… I won't tell."

"Trunks, Bulma, your mother. None of them recognized him. He… is mine, now. Trunks found me feeding him, and rather overreacted. If Kuroichi didn't have such a hard head, he'd probably be dead."

"Yours?" Goten looked back at the man on the bed. "You mean… um… that he's your boyfriend?"

"BAKA!" Vegeta roared. "No, he is not my boyfriend! Or my lover, as Trunks said," he added bitterly. "He is my servant."

"Servant?" Wide black eyes blinked a few times, then a bright grin burst across his face. "Good!"

"Good?" Vegeta repeated, taken aback.

"Oh, just something I overhead him say once before he realized he wasn't alone!" Goten, his smile as bright as his father's ever had been, left Vegeta stewing over that enigmatic comment.

"My head…" Kuroichi moaned. He raised a sluggish hand to find the gauze that covered the cut, realized that his shoulder hurt, and dropped the hand where it fell. His eyes cracked open. "Infirmary," he whispered. "What… happened?"

He sat up slowly, his eyes getting very wide when he realized he had a needle stuck in his arm. An inaudible whimper, he cringed away from his own arm, following the tubing to see what it was attached to him. And relaxed when he saw the note attached to the bag: Food, and don't you dare pull out the needle - Vegeta.

"You finally woke up."

Kuroichi turned his aching head to find Vegeta leaning against the door. "What happened?"

Surprise shot over Vegeta's features. "You don't remember?

"I remember… strawberries?" Kuroichi frowned. "You were giving me a strawberry. Some one came in? And then pain."

"You were eating a banana, and Trunks objected."

Kuroichi rubbed his head just below the bandage. "Who is Trunks?"

"My son." Vegeta frowned. "Do you know who I am?"

"My master," came the immediate reply. "You are Vegeta, Prince of the Saiyans."

"Do you know who you are?"

"My name is Kuroichi," he replied after a moment, as his eyes dropped.

"Who is Goten?"

"Goku's youngest. I remember now." He rubbed at his forehead again.

"Good, because Goten knows his father when he sees him."

"What!"

"He was here earlier, for whatever reason." Kuroichi looked a question, Vegeta smirked. "He got partway through a question, saw you, and lost all track of why he came."

Kuroichi collapsed back against the pillows. "Kill me."

"No." Vegeta settled on the edge of the bed. "I am not going to kill you. Goten understands that his father is dead. He even seemed happy that Kakarot sent you home with me."

"Happy?" What little emotion had been in Kuroichi's expression fled.

"Apparently, Goku said something once, when he thought he was alone, so that it's a good thing I have you now." The flush that took over the pale skin was something to behold. "I take it you know what he meant."

"Yes." Again, Kuroichi rubbed at his forehead, the flush fading as the nagging pain took over his concentration. "How bad is this?"

"Not very. A human would have probably had his skull crushed. You have a slight concussion and stitches. And no, I don't think it will scar. Don't mess with that!" Vegeta snapped as Kuroichi moved to tug at the needle in his arm. "You aren't leaving here until I'm quite sure you've had enough nutrition pumped into you."

"I have to stay in here?"

"The only difference between your room and this one is that it's smaller." Vegeta regarded the younger Saiyan a moment. "And I suppose the bed is less comfortable."

"Much less."

"Regardless, you will stay here another few hours." Vegeta rose, switched out the bag hanging from the IV again, and adjusted it. "Two more hours, then you can get up. For now, just sleep."

"Why're you being so nice?" The question was out before he could stop it, and Kuroichi clapped both hands over his mouth. Vegeta merely regarded him with amusement, then left. "That wasn't an answer!"

He watched the secondhand on the clock, unable to sleep. _Goten knew. Goten knows. He… heard me? When, I wonder? What did he hear? No, I don't want to know! Vegeta said he understood his father is dead, was glad I am with him. I don't understand that. Why would Goten understand?_

Maybe he just understands that Goku preferred to be thought of as dead rather than be his father. That's what he's used to, after all. How many times was he left behind? So many… Goku never really was much of a father. How did Goten recognize him? How could he, when even his mother couldn't? I don't understand!

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Goku: *points* Does that line make sense?

Jewel: *reads* Er, maybe not. But, it is you thinking.

Goku: What's that supposed to mean?

Jewel: Hey, my thought processes aren't exactly coherent. Why should yours be?

Vegeta: At least I've told everyone he's not my lover.

Jewel: Yep. *snickers*

Vegeta: *alarmed* What?

Jewel: Oh, you'll find out!

Vegeta: *very very alarmed* Find out what?

Jewel: *big cheesy grin*


	18. How should I feel

Wow, so many reviews! *tears up* ah, I love you guys. How come nobody says anything bad? Is everything all good? Seriously? CR is the only one of my stories that almost every reviewer has hated! Oh, while I'm thinking about it, if you haven't had a chance to see it (due to the fact it's g-rated), I posted a bit of fluff (costume party) that is a side to Unforgivable. It gets referred to later on. Um, does anyone want a slightly more detailed slice of lemon? I have one in mind, but don't want to embarrass myself or gross anyone out. After all, all I know about that particular subject is what I've read…

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The-only-sabi-san: His appearance change wasn't entirely his fault, and it's not like he died his hair pink and started wearing dresses. He was hurt no one recognized him, but he hasn't yet figured out why they haven't. You'll note, last chapter, that even when someone did, he wasn't sure whether he was happy or sad about it. Poor kid's all messed up, and yeah, I can see a relapse or two in the future.

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Kitkat: I have played havoc with their personalities, and you still like it? Yes, I totally understand about not knowing why like that kind of story, I haven't figured that out yet, or why I like writing them… got more of those than anything…. I've heard the song twice, I think. Now I must look up the lyrics sometime, what you quoted is so perfectly apt!

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_It's funny. I want Goku back. I want him healed, recovered, smiling at me with that stupid grin all the time. I want to spar with him, get beaten into the dirt like always. I want to watch him devour enough food to feed a town in a matter of minutes, just to complain about his table manners._

And then again, I do not want to go without Kuroichi's services. As the service in question happened to be one of the massages that Kuroichi invariably gave the prince after one of his grueling training sessions, that sentiment didn't surprise him in the least. _I still do not understand how everyone can not realize who he is. He improves daily, now that he knows he eats or I'll hook him up to an IV. Wonder why I didn't think of that sooner? Is it simply because he does not wear that orange outfit? Doesn't matter. If I have my way, he'll never wear that again. I much prefer the crimson._

He smiled, rolling over, enjoying the sensation of warm hands caressing his skin. He allowed his eyes to open slightly, observing Kuroichi through his lashes. Here, when they were alone, he looked more like Goku than ever. Perhaps it was merely the gentle curve of his lips, the faintest of smiles. Perhaps it was just that his hair was finally growing back out, his spikes beginning to take shape again, and the way the lock of hair on his forehead fell. _He'll cut it again. Just as soon as he realizes, he'll cut it again. He can't stand that no one recognizes him, but at the same time, he is not ready for it to happen. His wounds are still so raw, even now. How many times have I held him while he slept, crying silent tears? He deals with nothing while he is awake, and it haunts him in the night._

He reached out, sliding his fingers down the other's arm, lifting the hand, kissing Kuroichi's fingers. _I want Goku back, but I do not want to give up Kuroichi._

"You told me once that you would never marry then go out and have a child with another woman. That it would be against your pride or your honor or something like that."

"I remember. You seemed to have thought that Goku was capable of doing just that."

She flushed. "I was wrong."

"Why bring that up?" He finished toweling his hair, flicking the used towel toward the hamper before proceeding into their room.

"I'm your wife."

"I am aware of that." He reached into a drawer, pulled out some clothes. "And I haven't gone off and gotten any woman pregnant, so why bring it up?"

"Kuroichi."

It only took him a moment to understand. He crossed the room to her, pulling her into a close embrace. "Woman, if I thought it would hurt you less, I would have chosen another female. But," he tipped her chin slightly so that she had to look at him, "we both know that you are no longer capable. The last time, I broke too many of your bones. You are too fragile now. I cannot risk your death just to satisfy my hunger."

Bulma sighed. "I thought that must have something to do with it. I'm just too old, aren't I? You had to go find someone younger."

"Yes." He rested his chin on the top of her head. "You were weaker than I to start with, and your age has separated us further."

"It's so hard to believe so much time has passed. Bra is already twenty-five."

"And Trunks forty-two."

"Trunks still doesn't look a day over 20, and you know it. Bra looks older than he does!"

"She takes after her mother." Vegeta sighed. "Does it bother you so much, that I have Kuroichi?"

She was quiet for a time, nestling against him. "Sometimes. It hurts when I realize that I'm not good enough for you anymore, but at the same time, I know I can't do it. I would love to, I would, but I don't want to be bedridden for weeks again."

"What do you mean, not good enough for me?"

She shook her head, almost angrily. "Oh, that's just how I feel. Like you replaced me because I wasn't good enough for you. I know that's not it! I know you've stayed away the last five years because you didn't want to risk hurting me like that again. And… well, I can't say I'm glad you have Kuroichi to satisfy you, but I can't say that I'm relieved, either."

"So why did you say anything?"

"To get it off my chest!" she yelled, backing away and poking his chest. "It's not every woman whose husband brings back some male prostitute to live with him! Most men would just set up a mistress somewhere, but not you. No, you have to bring one home, and it isn't even a woman, it's a man!" Tears welled and dripped from her eyes. "I don't know whether I should feel ashamed, or embarrassed, or angry, resentful, or relieved, and I feel all of that! Why him? Why a man? Why here, in my _home_?"

"Oh." Vegeta grabbed at his abandoned clothes, then settled to the side of her bed to put them on as he answered her. "Why him, because he knew about Saiyans already. A man, for two reasons. First, he cannot get pregnant, and second, he is less fragile than a female. And why here, because this is where I live. The place is huge, with plenty of room. Besides, Kuroichi is my servant, not a convenient bed partner. It would be very inconvenient to have him come from across town just to make me a snack."

A tiny chuckle escaped, became a bout of mild hysteria. Feelings relieved at last, Bulma said, "That would be overkill, wouldn't it?" She made no more mention of Kuroichi, instead outlining what she had planned for the day.

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I know, short. I wanted to post it tonight. (btw, if Trunks is 42, how old is Bulma?)


	19. Heartbreak

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Lady Sakura-chan ah, yes, the lone reviewer who made it in before I had to go offline again! Two for the price of one, which was nothing! Ah, the price of fandom… no, freedom of the press? Something like that. I'm confused. Ignore me!

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_Once, all my clothes were orange and blue._ Kuroichi examined the clothes now hanging in his closet. Black and crimson. He'd worn the black, Vegeta had gifted him with the crimson. The rich reds were his official "uniform." The black, he wore on his own time. He sighed, turning to the mirror. _My hair's getting longer. And Vegeta was right, I really wasn't eating enough. I look better now than I have in months, even without doing any training._

He looked around the room. Four months, and he still had not changed anything. Bare white walls, and empty bookshelves. The top of the dresser had only a brush and comb on it. The red comforter was still the only splash of color, other than the rich crimson and deep blacks visible in the closet. He had money, plenty of it. Perhaps it was time to make this room more his own.

Kuroichi moved back to the closet, selecting a pair of worn jeans and a tattered shirt. He knew he had the time Vegeta spent in the gravity room to himself, and his master wouldn't be out for…. He looked around, and frowned. A clock would definitely be on his list of purchases. Anyway, Vegeta would be training for awhile yet. He had time enough to go shopping.

He slipped from his room, ghosting down the hallway. He had quickly learned to keep himself apart from Vegeta's family. He made it out the front door without being seen, and popped the capsule that contained the car Vegeta had given him. A short while later, he was wandering dazedly through the mall.

The crush of people stunned him, the humming of so many conversations overwhelmed him. It had been years since he had been around more than four or five people at a time. A gate like a spider's web with a dimly lit shop called, he stumbled within, to be overtaken by the pulsing music. Music he was familiar and comfortable with. He relaxed, looking around.

Clothes, with dark pictures, sarcastic sayings, legendary creatures imprinted on them. Dark colors. Accessories to match. He moved in further, to the posters, flipping through the offerings, finding nothing he cared for except a dragon. He spent more time examining the jewelry, finally selecting new earrings and a chain to take back with him. The clothes he didn't bother with, he had plenty of those. But music, well, he could use some. He spent a full hour looking through the music, finally selecting sixteen. He paid, and walked back into the brightly lit hall.

Feeling a bit more at ease after his time in the darker shop, he moved on to an electronics store. Three purchases later, he was finished. He paused momentarily at the bookstore, then passed it by. A store of wax statuary caught his attention, he spent a considerable amount of time browsing through it. In the end, he bought four candles.

It occurred to him that he was actually hungry, so he stopped at the food court.

"Hello, Kuroichi."

Kuroichi spun, startled to be addressed, then helped balance the well-overloaded tray in front of him. "Goten."

"Want to help me eat some of this? There's an open table over there." Goten jerked his head toward the table. Kuroichi paused, then nodded. He followed the man to the table, but only took two hamburgers from the mountainous pile. "You don't eat much."

"No." He bit into the burger. Goten followed suit, clearing most of the tray by the time Kuroichi started his second burger.

"I… understand that my father died. I think I even understand why he died, or at least part of why."

Kuroichi lowered his half-eaten burger. "And?"

"He and Mom, they fought a lot, you know." Goten was choosing his words carefully, Kuroichi noted. "And they had a really big fight right before… well, he disappeared." Kuroichi contented himself with a nod. "I really miss my dad, but I can understand that he wouldn't want to have lived with being called a good-for-nothing but fighting failure anymore. Momma… I think she meant to try to encourage him to do something besides fight. She never really understood how fighting was in our blood."

"So?" Kuroichi picked the burger back up.

"My dad wasn't happy. I mean, he was always smiling. Always. But…" Goten looked toward the food shops. "His smile, it never reached his eyes, except when he was fighting. I used to talk to him about everything, even my girlfriends, trying to get him to really smile, not hide behind his mask."

The burger had frozen in mid-air. Goten didn't notice, he was still looking at the shops. "I always thought that someday, he might tell me what was wrong. I thought maybe I would be able to help him, like he helped me. But he never did."

Kuroichi had lost what appetite he'd had. He set the burger back down, carefully. "Why tell me?"

A sad smile answered him. "You knew my dad better than anyone else. You were with him when he died. I _know_ you were."

"I was."

"Did he ever talk about us? Or Vegeta?" Goten fidgeted under Kuroichi's dark stare. "Okay, dumb question. Look, I'm really sorry I bothered you… I just… I wanted… I got to go." Goten leapt up, nearly running from the table.

Kuroichi watched him leave, Goku's heart breaking.

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Jewel: *crying*

Goku: Oh, that was mean!

Vegeta: For once, I agree with him.

(Who recognizes the shop?)


	20. Beaten

Okay, I'm going to do a different POV for a bit of this chappy, so don't get all weirded out on me.

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Goten stumbled from the mall. _Daddy… what happened to you? Why have you changed so much?_ He stood outside, taking deep breaths, trying to remember why he was there, where he had planned to go afterwards. And with a wrench, remembered: He was to meet Trunks at Capsule Corp. A sickly imitation of his usually cheerful grin plastered itself across his face, and he set out.

"Hey!" Trunks grabbed him around the neck and ruffled his hair, much as he had when they were younger. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing!" Goten laughed, fighting free. "What makes you say that?"

"Because I know you, Goten." Trunks drew him inside, into one of the smaller receiving rooms. "I know you, and something's wrong. Don't think just because you have that smile plastered on your face that I can't see the tears in your eyes."

"What tears?" There was a mirror, Goten crossed to examine his reflection. "I'm not crying, wretch!"

Trunks came up behind him, giving him a brief hug. "But you had to go check, so tell me what is wrong."

Goten sighed, watching the smile fade from his reflection, seeing the concern grow in his best friend's eyes. "It's nothing, Trunks."

"Anything that wipes that smile of yours away isn't nothing." Again, he embraced Goten, only this time he didn't let go. "Now tell me. Maybe I can help?"

"Can you bring my dad back?" Goten met Trunks' eyes in the mirror. "Could you heal him if he was willing to come back?"

"Heal him?"

"You know as much as I do. He lived with, worked with Kuroichi…" Goten's voice died at the rage that suddenly blossomed on Trunks' face.

But the rage didn't reach his voice. "Yeah, I know that."

Goten's voice trembled as he continued, "I wanted to know why. I hoped maybe… sometime when I came over, I could ask him. About Dad." His friend had tensed, the anger pouring off of him nearly silencing the younger man. Only his pain kept him talking. "I saw him, at the mall. I asked him…"

"And?"

"I… it doesn't matter." A single tear slid down his face. "My dad's dead, and he's never coming back."

"You're crying because of _him_, aren't you. Kuroichi." The last word was almost venomous.

"No! I… well, a little."

"I hate him. I am going to get him out of this house." Gentle hands turned Goten, pulled him tight. "I will remove every last trace of him."

"No!" Goten pulled back, enough to see at the murderous expression on his friend's face. "What… what did he do?"

"My mother has cried every single night since he came. My father flaunts him in front of her, shows more affection to that man than he ever did to my mother. He… he doesn't care who sees them together, doesn't care where they're seen. Kuroichi just lets him do it, wherever, whenever, even if my mother is right there! And he'll look right at her, right through her, like she doesn't even exist!" Trunks exploded. "I hate him! I can't even explain all the reasons why. I hate him!"

The sadness returned full-force to Goten's eyes. His father… "But Trunks, he's just doing his job!"

"Don't you dare take up for him!" The gentle embrace was gone, Goten was flung against the wall and pinned there. "Don't you ever take up for that bastard! He corrupted your father, mine, and he's made my mother miserable! Don't…" Trunks realized suddenly that tears were running freely down Goten's face. "Oh, Goten… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you!"

He let go, Goten collapsed to the floor. Trunks knelt next to him. "Hey, I'm sorry. Are you alright?"

"My mother called me Goku this morning. Do I still look so much like him? I cut my hair off… my clothes look nothing like anything he ever wore. Do I look that much like a Goku-clone, Trunks?" Goten asked. "She keeps doing that. She doesn't even remember anymore that I exist, did you know? She still remembers Gohan, but she doesn't know me. She wanted to know what I'd done to my hair, why I wasn't staying at home. She doesn't remember me at all… she thinks I'm my father, and that I've left her to train or fight or something again." He hiccuped. "You'll never have to worry about that. You'll never be mistaken for your father."

"She's gotten worse?"

"All she wants is for Daddy to come home. She even found six of the dragonballs." Goten sighed. "They won't do her any good."

"Why?"

"Because Daddy took the four-star ball with him when he left. And she has the same opinion of Kuroichi you do, she hates him. He reminds her of everything that happened to… Dad, he told her he died, that he wouldn't ever come back. She won't talk to him to find out if he knows where the ball is."

"Do you think he knows?"

Goten looked down. Kuroichi, his father… "He sent Mom's wedding ring back. I… he had to… have gone through h… Dad's things." _I told Vegeta I wouldn't tell. I won't. I don't think I could handle Trunks' reaction, if he knew. What will he do when he finally realizes that Kuroichi is my Dad? No! He can't figure that out! He can't!_ "If Dad kept it, he'd know."

"Well then, maybe we ought to find out!"

"No! No…"

"Why not?"

"Because." Goten leaned against Trunks, burrowing into him. "My dad wanted to die, Trunks. He didn't want to come back."

"You only have Kuroichi's word for that."

"No. Your father said it too. He said my dad didn't want to come back, remember? Kuroichi said he killed himself to keep anyone from trying to make him change his mind."

"I'm going to ask him anyway."

"Trunks, no. Please don't. I… I couldn't bear if he had it, if we called the dragon, and Daddy refused to come. Please don't ask him." All the tension left him when his friend agreed, giving him the briefest of kisses.

Kuroichi barely had time to set down his packages before the beating started. The first blow knocked him up against the door, stunning him, blurring his vision. The second broke his jaw, the third his nose. He raised his arms, dazed, but trying to protect himself. All he could think was that Vegeta was angry with him for something - he didn't try to fight back. He wouldn't offend his master any more than he already had.

He reeled under the onslaught, blood running into his eyes. The golden glow of a Super Saiyan came toward him again, he cried out in agony as his ribs snapped. _What have I done? Why is Vegeta so angry? _He sagged against the bookcase he'd crashed into, one hand raised, trying to shape words his battered lips couldn't say. Another blow - kick? - shattered his leg, he dropped.

He didn't scream, not once. Vegeta despised weakness, he wouldn't scream. The golden glow became a reddish haze, more blows slammed him into the walls, the furniture. He was thrown around like a rag doll, until he couldn't feel anything, barely made out the sickening sounds of his flesh being pummeled. At last, even that ceased.

"Good. You aren't dead."

Dark blue. Black. A blur… a face. Vegeta, standing over him. He tried to say something, couldn't.

"Your jaw is broken. Don't bother trying to talk." _My master is angry, I can feel the anger radiating from him. I am still in disgrace, then? Vegeta's anger is a formidable thing… I must get back into Master's good graces soon._

His eyes darted around. Red tinged his vision, everything not close to him was a blur. His eyes fastened on Vegeta, the only thing he could truly see in the room. He would not allow himself to moan, would not admit to the pain. That would only make his master angrier.

"I left you in your room. You'll stay in here until I say otherwise."

He couldn't even nod, to let his master know he understood. _I am being punished for having gone out. I should have stayed home, not gone shopping. Vegeta must have finished training, and found me gone instead of waiting as I should have been. I will not make that mistake again._ Vegeta was still talking, but he couldn't understand the words. He couldn't stay awake… he must, his master was speaking to him! His eyes closed as his mind shut down.

"Take this." A pill, slipped between his lips. A glass. He swallowed with difficulty, then blinked in astonishment. "I found you a senzu bean."

_Master is no longer angry at me?_ He looked wordlessly into his Master's face. _Yes. He is not angry with me any more._ "Thank you." Vegeta was staring down at him. "Master? Do you need me to do something?" His mind scrambled as he thought of what he should do. "You want a snack?"

"No."

Too late, Kuroichi remembered he was confined to his room. The barest hint of fear tinged his tone. "I am sorry, Master. I forgot that I cannot leave the room."

Vegeta sighed, and began stripping bloodied bandages from Kuroichi's body. "This room is a mess."

Kuroichi sat up, carefully, looking around. Dried blood smeared the walls, pooled on the carpet, splattered the furniture. He saw what he thought were bits of skin and bone. His packages were still by the door, covered in blood and most likely broken. "I will clean it. It was my fault."

Vegeta nodded. "Do that." He stalked out the door.

---------------------------------

Goku: Goten! Jewel, stop being mean to him!

Vegeta: It's about time I beat that baka!

Jewel: Hush.


	21. Whore

I'm almost afraid to go ahead and keep writing before I see Saturday's cache of reviews. I am fairly certain Vegeta will have been blasted to HFIL and back several dozen times! But, I'll do it anyhow because that's how I've been writing the entire story.

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DarkSeraph: Ouchies! *examines hook* Hmm… yep, looks pretty secure. Hey wait a minute! You can't camp there! I might need to rush out for chocolate! I have made myself cry a few times in writing this. Especially the last line of 19.

****

Pixelgoddess: It didn't occur to me until you mentioned it, but I guess Vegeta usually does break down. All that past Frieza stuff… Vegeta is a little out of character, yes, but that's in part to the fact that he read Goku's mind way back when, and is still affected by it more than he realizes. *big cheesy grin* Don'tcha wish you knew what it was Goku said?

(Goku: What'd I say?) (Jewel: Hush!)

****

Talon: Um, there's a little picture of me with my name flashing. It links to the picture index. Anyway, it's supposed to. If you still can't find it, I'll have to have a conniption fit with the linking dealywhatsits again. Or you can just click the Massive link, they're in my photo album there.

****

Tatoosh: One of these days, I'm sticking your name in my spell checker. Um, no, Trunks isn't a prude, or dating Pan. Did I say something that made it sound that way? If so, I most sincerely apologize. I haven't seen enough GT to know squat about Pan's character, so she pretty much stays out of the stories. Ditto Bra. J I adore Goten. No idea why… EEEKS! What a lot of questions about Trunks and co. at 42! 20 should have answered some of that, this & the next may answer more. Naw, Vegeta wasn't about to give Kuroichi up. Too much of a good thing. ;-)

---------------------------

He ached. Oh, not his body, his mind. He couldn't focus enough to think clearly, and knew only two things for sure: Vegeta had beaten him, and he had a mess to clean up. Blood everywhere, and he had to clean it up. It was his fault… oh, he remembered that, too.

_I must never leave… angry… too much blood. _He moved mechanically, the paper towels from the bathroom doing little to make any headway against the mess. _So tired… must clean… who?_ He looked around, seeing Goten standing horrified in the open doorway.

"What happened?" Goten walked in, his shocked gaze taking in the blood soaked room even as he shut the door. "Dad?" He focused on the dazed man in front of him. "I mean, Kuroichi? What happened?"

"I… displeased the master." It was an effort to talk, to force the answer past the maelstrom in his mind. The shredded paper towel in his hand was all but useless, and he was still trying to rub away the marks on the wall with it.

"What do you mean?" Goten crossed to his father, forced him to stop the useless scrubbing motions. He guided the older man back to the bed. "Where did all the blood come from?"

"I displeased the master." Kuroichi tried to focus on the voice, but he couldn't. "I need to clean up."

"You lay down. I can take care of this. You're not going to be able to do anything with just a paper towel." _Does he mean what I think he does? Did Vegeta try to kill him? That's the only way there could be this much blood. Oh gods, that's _bone_!!!_ He examined his father, as far as he could tell there were no new marks. _Senzu. If he was beaten enough to leave this much blood, he had to have had a senzu._

"No… he'll be angry with me."

"Lay down!" Goten shoved his father back down. "You stay right there, or you'll have my mother to deal with!" He waited. The implied threat finally penetrated the daze the older man was in.

"You'd tell her?"

"Only if you get up," Goten said quietly. "You need to rest. I'll take care of the mess." When his father's eyes closed, he went in search of the bots Bulma used to clean the GR after Vegeta's sessions. Those things were equipped to deal with blood… and pieces.

"Hey, you disappeared for awhile." Strong arms enfolded him.

"I went to talk to Kuroichi… see if he knew about the dragonball." Goten nestled back against Trunks. "He wasn't able to tell me anything."

"He wasn't?" Trunks asked. "Well, isn't that annoying? Maybe Mom's radar?"

"No, it doesn't show up." Goten tipped his head back. "She's been looking for it too, you know. She thinks it's shielded, because it's been missing since my dad left."

"Mmm?" Trunks accepted the offering Goten gave him, kissing him thoroughly.

"What if your dad comes in?"

"He's got his whore, and no room to talk," Trunks snapped. "And I'm tired of pretending you're nothing more than a good friend." Goten pulled away from him. "What, do you want to keep hiding?"

"It's not that," Goten whispered.

"Then what?"

"If we stop pretending, does that make me your whore?"

----------------------

Goku: I said stop being mean to him!

Jewel: That's not mean. It's a valid question, considering Trunks' attitude.


	22. Lover

Oh, that last one was sadly short, but I decided that having Goten's pov too was too much - I was getting all omniscient again. If I'm wrong, I'll be a few chapters ahead in writing, and behind in reviews, and can add him back in later. It's Thursday, for those of you wondering. I swung by the library to post 19 & 20, that's why you got them. Usually, I can't do anything there on Thursday, but the kids I babysit behaved today. (Usually, if I try anything on Thursday, I get kicked out because they are such holy terrors)

And, since no one said aye or nay… I'm going to thoroughly embarrass myself with a bit more detail….

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His whole body shook, but he managed to keep his hands from trembling as he tended to his master. He didn't want any more beatings. He'd thought, coming here, that the beatings were over, the threat of needles. He'd been wrong, on both counts. His palms glided over Vegeta's back, working the knots out of the muscles.

_I will eat. No needles. I will stay here, no beatings. I can't run, he can find me… he knows my signature, he'll track me down, and the beating then would be severe, not like the punishment, worse, because I ran away. Everything he asks, I have to do then, right then. He will not kill me, and I…I can't take any more pain. No more…._

Goten… I have to think of him too. He knows. He was so worried. I don't dare let it happen again. He would tell. Or if not, he might face Vegeta, and he would… no! I must obey. I must be perfect.

A single tear escaped. Ruthlessly, he forced the memories aside. His body stilled, except for the necessary motions of the massage. His face blanked, eyes losing the last of the sparkle they'd so slowly gained. Vegeta was his master, and his master must be served. Nothing else mattered.

Vegeta noticed the difference immediately, but said nothing of it. If anything, he was pleased that he was not having to force meals down the man's throat. He ate everything he was given, not leaving the table until Vegeta gave him permission. His service was perfection itself. _So why is it that something seems so wrong?_

He sighed, stroking the silky skin marred by ribbons of scars, his fingers gliding lightly to dance over limp flesh that quickly swelled, denying the other man's attempt to pretend he had been sleeping. _And that is part of it. He has never pretended to sleep while with me, he has always slept. Ah, Kuroichi, even here you are scarred._ He traced that scar, a narrow ribbon from base to tip.

Kuroichi quivered, his breathing becoming quicker. Vegeta moved slightly, a silent command Kuroichi obeyed instantly, moving so that Vegeta could reach him easier. Vegeta shifted, lapping gently at the hollow of Kuroichi's throat, dropping gentle, soft kisses along his jaw. Lush, full lips parted, Vegeta took full advantage of them.

He savored the taste of the other's skin, threading his way slowly back down his jaw, along the broad expanse of his chest. The ring in his left nipple, Vegeta took between his teeth, tugging lightly even as he increased the speed of his stroking. Kuroichi trembled against him, a soft gasp escaping from his throat. Vegeta smiled, nipping and kissing his way to the base of the treat he had in mind for himself. His tongue traced the route of the scar, curling around the tip when he reached it, lapping up the salty sweetness of the man.

Kuroichi moaned, his hips arcing up to meet Vegeta's mouth, his hands tangling in Vegeta's hair to hold him in place. His master had _never_ done this. Always, he had done it, pleasing his master with hard-won skill. "'Geta," he breathed, whimpering beneath the prince's tongue.

A low, husky chuckle breathed against his skin. "Do you like this, then?" the prince asked softly, and set with deliberate nips and kisses to send Kuroichi mindless with pleasure. One or two of the bites were deep enough to draw blood, the rich coppery taste mingling with salty sweetness. He plundered Kuroichi mercilessly, waiting until he was shuddering with the aftermath of the first assault to plunge deeply into him.

"VEGETA!!!"

_I believe he enjoyed that. At least now he's sleeping. He hasn't slept well since he was beaten. Does he think if he falls asleep, I will do that to him? And even sleeping so soundly, he cries._ Vegeta wiped the tears from Kuroichi's face gently, propping himself on the other man's chest to do so. _I don't understand. Why hasn't he dealt with it? Why doesn't he take it out on something - anything - other than himself? Can he truly feel that worthless?_

No. No, he has to know better. Doesn't he understand how much I care for him? Doesn't he know I love him? Doesn't… wait a minute. Vegeta pulled back further to examine the face of the man beneath him. "Maybe you don't. I never told myself before now. Maybe… maybe it's time to tell you."

To Vegeta's dismay, the damp lashes fluttered. Kuroichi blinked, looking a bit lost before all emotion drained from his expression. Empty eyes looked up. "Master?"

"Shh… go back to sleep. You need the rest."

Kuroichi closed his eyes obediently. Vegeta collapsed back against him, listening to the steady beat of the other's heart, falling asleep himself to the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.

--------------------------

Vegeta: *doing excellent imitation of landed fish*

Goku: O.O

Jewel: Heh. I warned you, Vegeta!


	23. I love you

Blushes furiously. Um, yeah. I'm thoroughly embarrassed now. That was bloody hard to write! Anyhow, you like it? Was there too much detail? I detest details, infinitely prefer to gloss over them. If you want details, go to the library and read a friggin' Harlequin Super Romance. I personally refer to those as sex manuals, as they generally have no plot to speak of, which is why I only read them when there's nothing else available. (Hooray for ff/fp.net!) Course, I have yet to have noted a yaoi based Harlequin, a disappointment for a lot of you!… (although I am sure, that having mentioned it, someone out there is bound to write one.) *Imagines her female relatives coming across that in the library, breaks into hysterical laughter* Ahem. Haven't laughed that much for awhile.

Sole disclaimer: Poison's stuff is theirs. I just own the CD. Ditto on the rest of the musics, I just own the CD's.

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"Kuroichi?" The soft voice belonged to Goten. Kuroichi froze. "Hey, um, can I talk with you?"

He turned the stereo on, set it for random play, then opened his door. Goten entered, looking around curiously. "It looks better."

"Less blood." Kuroichi motioned him to a chair.

"_I welcome you to the house of sin, open your mind and let the games begin." _A sudden grin crossed Goten's face as he listened to the music. "Sexual Thing? Mom used to hate it when Dad played that song. She said it would corrupt me."

"Did it?"

"Pish. I told him about Trunks a long time ago. He thought it was funny." Goten still hesitated a bit when mentioning things his father knew full well about. He had to remember to talk like Kuroichi didn't know anything about it.

"What about Trunks?"

"AWK! Vegeta!" Only when the prince spoke did Goten realize the door into the next room was open. "Um, nothing. Not a thing."

"Really? Kuroichi?"

"They've been lovers since Goten was fourteen." Kuroichi knelt at his master's feet.

"Fourteen?" Vegeta eyed Goten a moment, then smirked. "So that's why he got so mad about you! Get up." Kuroichi rose fluidly, to be caught in a brief embrace and kissed hard. "I'll leave you two to talk." Vegeta went back into his room, shut the door.

"Why'd you tell him!?" Goten wailed.

"I don't lie to him."

"Like you do to everyone else, you mean," Goten said bitterly. "Do you have the four-star ball?"

"Yes."

"Mother is looking for it."

"Why?"

"She's determined to wish you back. I mean, Dad back."

"I told them. Goku will not come back."

"She doesn't believe it. There's three wishes. Her first wish is that nothing will be more important to him than her. Then she'll wish him back, and then to her. Except, she thinks I'm him, half the time, and that he's not dead."

"She believes you're your father?"

Goten handed over the photo he'd been playing with since he'd arrived. "Do you remember this?"

Kuroichi looked at it. "No."

"It was a costume party. Trunks and I dressed up as you and Vegeta." Kuroichi shrugged. "I was only 25 then, but everyone was mistaking me for Dad. Even Mom. And my girlfriend. She broke up with me, said I was acting too much like him. She'd got him in a corner, got her hands down his…" Goten stopped at Kuroichi's raised hand.

"I know."

"It's like I'm living back then, only Dad isn't willing to be here, and Mom doesn't know me. I've even started wearing the shirts with my name on them again. I cut my hair, look at it! And she still calls me Goku, still asks me what's so important that I won't stay with her. She asks me why my shirts say Goten… she doesn't remember me. At all."

He paused. "I want to know why, that's all. I want to know why you won't go home."

Expressionless black eyes met the younger man's. "Goku died. His spirit was crushed when his friends rejected him. It died the day his wife refused to acknowledge he was standing right in front of her. He stood in front of his wife, his family, and his oldest friend, and they told him they had no time for him, that the gathering was for family. He died over a year ago."

"And it doesn't matter that they're looking for the dragonballs, that they're determined to wish you back whether you want to come or not?"

Kuroichi stood. "Goku's body is seen almost every day by Bulma and Trunks. Chi-Chi is here once or twice a week. They look for the dragonballs to wish back what they see and refuse to recognize. If I were to walk out of this room, dressed in orange and blue, do you think they would know? Of course. They'd want to know what had happened, why that strange Kuroichi told them he was dead. They'd see the scars, and think nothing of it, they wouldn't connect me with your father, just as they don't now."

"So you'd rather be Vegeta's whore than my father? Is my father's spirit so dead?" If he hadn't been looking for it, Goten would have missed the flash of pain.

"Your father is dead, Goten. I watched him die." As the door slammed behind the young Saiyan, Kuroichi curled up on the floor. "He's dead. I'm so sorry…"

-----------------------------

Goku: STOP HURTING HIM! and me.

Jewel: It's essential. Sorry.

Vegeta: *still stunned from the last chapter*

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Vegeta found him still curled on the floor an hour later, the tracks of his tears staining his face. He hesitated a moment, then knelt and pulled the sobbing Saiyan into his arms. "Shhh… tell me."

"Goten…" was all Kuroichi managed to say.

"He wants his father back."

"Yes." Kuroichi leaned against Vegeta, taking the comfort the prince offered.

"So do I. I miss the baka." He felt Kuroichi tense. "No, Kuroichi. I will not break my promise. I miss sparring with Kakarot, and insulting him. I miss his Saiyan attitude. But I told him I would let him die, and I will." He looked up as the music changed. "What is this?"

"Gokuraku."

Vegeta choked, tightening his grip on Kuroichi. "Only you…" he laughed. "A pretty song, though."

"It's sad."

Vegeta brushed Kuroichi's bangs away from his face, a smile flickering as they fell immediately back into place. "Yes, but still a pretty song. A reminder?"

"It was his favorite." There was a pause. "Do you really miss him, Master?"

"Yes. He was my greatest rival and my best friend. My only friend, for a long time." Vegeta nuzzled Kuroichi's neck. "I sometimes wish that I had never given him my promise, that I could coax him back from whatever self-imposed hell he lives in. When you cry in your sleep, I wish it most of all, because I know the tears are his, and I cannot comfort him."

"Why would you want to?" Kuroichi's voice was thick with the tears he had shed, but real curiosity made itself known.

"It is my fault that he was… that he became you." Vegeta silenced whatever protest Kuroichi opened his mouth to say, covering the man's mouth with his own. The kiss broke, Vegeta looking seriously at Kuroichi. "I know it was my fault. It started with the rapes, we both know that."

"No. It started before that." Kuroichi pulled back. "Long before that." The picture Goten had given him was still in his hand. "It started even before this."

Vegeta looked at the picture. "I remember that! I trounced you but good for… I mean, him, for dragging me out to dance! What possessed you… him?"

"He loved you."

"L… loved?"

"Goku knew it wouldn't do any good to tell you how he felt. That day, he just decided to see what would happen. Everyone thought he was his son, anyway, so he didn't think anyone would care. He was right. The only one who cared was you. His wife even told him later it was cute to see Goten and Vegeta dance."

"You love me?" Vegeta caught his bottom lip between his teeth, waiting.

"I love you."

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Jewel: hmmm….

Goku: !! J 

Vegeta: *still trying to compute last chapter*

Jewel: Hey, Veg. Read this one.

Vegeta: @.@

Jewel: Nevermind.


	24. Beaten Again

The Queen of the Damned soundtrack belongs to a lot of people, including me, I just don't own copyrights and the like!

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Kuroichi shampooed his hair, rubbing the shaggy spikes furiously. The last few days had brought a sparkle back to his eyes, a softness to his face. He had looked more like Goku this last week than he had since waking up, sick and confused, on the streets of Paradise City. He stuck his head under the water, eyes tightly closed to keep the stinging shampoo out. This last week had been one of the best in his life.

The shower door squeaked. "Ma…ahhh!" The punch caught him in the temple, sending him against the shower wall. The tiles shattered, sharp bits stabbing him. His eyes popped open, tearing immediately as the shampoo made its way into them. He caught only a glimpse of a blue-clad leg coming toward him before his vision became too blurred to see. The resulting kick blurred it further.

Kuroichi didn't know how long the beating lasted, knew only the pain. He put up no fight at all, after his beseeching plea for his master to stop had resulted in a savage blow that, again, broke his jaw. He curled in the corner of the shower when it was over, the now cold water streaming over him, washing the blood down the drain.

It hadn't been as bad as last time. He was badly bruised, broken, but not shattered. His jaw and the arm he had raised in a futile attempt to protect himself were broken. Kuroichi finally realized the water was cold, staggered to his feet to shut it off. _Why? What did I do? What have I done?_

He whimpered, his unsteady steps carrying him to the closet. Clothes… he had to get dressed. He barely noticed the pain in his jaw and the broken arm, only realized his arm was broken when he couldn't get the shirt he'd chosen on. It slipped from limp fingers to the floor, Kuroichi following it down.

His things were in here, in the back. He found the box, got it opened. A tiny bag at the very bottom contained the last two senzu beans he had. He took one, putting everything back where it belonged. Then he curled up, unable to bear the pain anymore. Silent tears streamed down his face as he rocked himself.

It was three hours before he crawled from the closet and dressed. He went to the bathroom, cleaning up the blood. Not as much as before, not nearly as much. The broken tiles he didn't know how to fix, but it did occur to him that the robots would. Numbly, he punched the appropriate code on the keypad by his door. He waited only a few minutes before having to let the machine in. It had the repairs done an hour later.

He heard Vegeta enter his room twenty minutes later, heard the brief knock on the connecting door. Vegeta's custom of late was to wait for Kuroichi to open the door, rather than just walking in. Blank eyes checked the mirror, he looked acceptable. Quickly, he crossed to the door, opening it and kneeling immediately.

"Master?"

"Oh, get up, Kuroichi. Have you seen that blasted tuxedo of mine? I have to go to some stupid Capsule Corp. function tonight." Vegeta ran an agitated hand through sweat-soaked hair. "And I need a shower. Can you get it laid out for me while I get cleaned up?"

"Of course."

"Thanks." Vegeta shed the remains of his black training clothes on the way to the bathroom, cursing fluently.

_He hates CC functions. He didn't beat me just because he's in a bad mood, did he?_ Still feeling numb, Kuroichi found the suit and its accompaniments, laying them out over the bed. _He acts as if nothing happened, as if it didn't matter. I thought… I thought I meant something to him._

He forced the tears from his eyes, the pain from his heart. It was a process he'd grown used to, and by the time Vegeta had finished his shower, Kuroichi was completely in control of himself again. Not the slightest glimmer of the pain, or fear, showed in his expressionless eyes.

Vegeta, still cursing, allowed Kuroichi to help him get the suit on and looking right. "Bulma said something about a flower. Do you know anything about a stupid flower?"

Kuroichi paused, a slight frown marring an otherwise blank face. "Buttonhole?" he offered at last.

"Yes, that's it. Do I have one?" Vegeta ran a brush through his damp hair. "I'll never hear the end of it if I don't have a stupid flower with this stupid suit."

A long look around Vegeta's room gave Kuroichi his answer. "You hate flowers."

Vegeta gave him an exasperated look. "I know that. Didn't the woman send one up?" As if on cue, someone knocked on the door. Vegeta, being closer, yanked it open. "Oh, here it is. Fix this thing." He thrust the flower in Kuroichi's general direction, waiting impatiently for him to finish settling it. He headed out the door, Kuroichi returning to his room.

_I'm over it. You see I'm falling in the vast abyss, clouding my memories of the past, at last I see…_ Kuroichi sprawled across his bed, the music pouring over him. The line reminded him of his life. Vegeta had left, pausing only to give him a quick kiss. A kiss that had held nothing of the savageness of earlier. He let the music carry him to that place where he neither thought nor dreamed, resting, waiting his master's return.

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Ah, poor him. He has to listen to whatever I have playing on the computer while I write… and if I didn't get the words quite right, sorry. They sing faster than I type.

Vegeta: *finally recovers* I beat him again?

Goku: That's what it says.

Jewel: …


	25. Death

Gods above and below! You people sure are loyal to Vegeta! I have **_demands_** that the attacker be Trunks and not Vegeta! Not at all what I expected, no it is not! And you all shop at the same place - Hot Topic. (one of my fave shops)

So, on to the replies, although I don't think I'll tell you yet if it was Vegeta, Trunks… or someone else.

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DarkSerapha: An eager proponent for the Trunks attacker, aren't you? Do you still, after finding out Go… er, Kuroichi got beat in the shower, think it's Trunks?

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Suisheu: Evil brat Trunks? Evil bastard? My, you don't much like him… I knew I shouldn't've put Goten's pov in there… Trunks is pissed for a number of reasons, and no one has learned the main one yet. Trunks knows what too? I'm confused here. What Bulma supposedly did? Yes, he knows that. Unfortunately, his mind is beyond my reach, as is Bulma's, so I'm in the dark there. Hehe… you'll find out what Goku said eventually, don't worry! No, Vegeta definitely doesn't want Kuroichi completely broken. Submissive, certainly, but not broken.

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Firefly: Thanks! I do try to update regularly, but it can be a real pain. Too many pans in the fire, I really need to finish one of these fics…

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Tatoosh: Trunks positively despises Kuroichi. I don't see that changing anytime soon, since I know something no one else does.

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Lady Sakura-chan: Oh, chapters, definitely. And why ever would you think something else was going on? *looks at what she told Tatoosh* erm, never mind. I figured it out.

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Minna-sama no megami: (ß what's that mean?) yes! I described it pretty good, didn't I? Sigh. Wish I could hit it again soon, but it's on the list of things that must be put off until later. *wanders off muttering about spending too much on manga.*

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Kitkat: Never ever think that I'll consider your honest emotional opinion a flame (er, unless you cuss at me, of course!). Reviews like the one you gave let me know if the emotional impact I'm looking for is getting through or not, and I'd say it is. Kuroichi is being forced through a bunch of emotional upheavals at the moment. He either gets stronger, or… ig. The or is bad.

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Neko-jin Rogue: It was recommended? Who gave the recommendation, if I may know? Goten's sanity is so endangered, yes. Poor him, indeed. I will try *crosses fingers and mutters at keyboard* to live up to your expectations. I'd hate to start to suck now…

How many times does this make I've rewritten this chapter? L I think this is the fifth or sixth version… bother! And my apologies for mangling the lyrics. I'm trying to translate them through the sound of a fussing infant, and it's not working well… (he's been fed, changed, put to bed, and given a bottle, & he still won't hush & go to sleep… he wants to play - but with me, not his toys, and it's past his bedtime anyhow….)

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_I watched you change into a fly I looked away you are fine I watched you change in you it's like you never had wings how you feel so alive I watched you change I took you home set you on the blast…_Kuroichi curled on his bed, just listening. He wasn't sure he understood all the words right, especially since they made no sense, but he didn't really care if he knew the words or not. The music was just a sound, something to fill the silence, to cram in the empty holes of his spirit and soul. It ran right back out, but he listened anyway, not willing or caring to change the CD. It was dark, and it suited him.

He went nowhere unless Vegeta specifically sent him. He hadn't left the adjoined rooms since his master had forbidden him to leave them the first time he'd been beaten. Not for anything was he risking another one.

He waited until Vegeta left to train each day, then cleaned both rooms meticulously. Everything had to be perfect. Had to be. He had packed his clothes, putting them into one of the little storage capsules he'd brought, wearing nothing except the crimson Vegeta had given him. His master would not be given cause to complain over the state of the rooms, or his attire.

The song changed, Kuroichi moved. _Forsaken. I am forsaken, aren't I? They forsook me, and I turned my back on them. No. Goku did that. And I am not Goku. I am Kuroichi._ He glided through the movements of the dance, sensuality pouring from him. Goku had refused to learn, but Kuroichi had learned eagerly, willing to learn anything that would please his master at the time. He had learned that Vegeta liked to watch him dance, so now he practiced each day.

It showed. Regular, good meals and the daily exercise had taken the sickly pallor from his skin, helped with replacing the muscle tone and mass he'd lost. He was still thin, and less muscular than Goku had been, but his training was different than Goku's, too. He worked for flexibility and fluidity, where Goku had worked to be stronger.

He watched himself in the mirror, the flow of the movements, the subtle little come-ons that were a part of what he had spent his life learning. Each move was perfectly executed, flawless. His master would find no fault with him.

"You're 42 years old, Trunks. Act it. You know as well as I do that your mother cannot…" Vegeta paused, deciding on how to phrase what he meant, "provide me the release Kuroichi does. She's too old, and too fragile."

"She's sick. Confined to her bed," Trunks snapped. "And you've been so caught up in your pet that you haven't even bothered to go see her. Did you even know she was sick?"

Vegeta sighed. "Trunks, she isn't just sick. She's dying. I've watched her fade, day after day. We've been together a long time… and that time is almost over. Do you think that just because Kuroichi is here that I no longer care for her? You're wrong. I love your mother."

"Then why don't you go see her? If you love her so much, why can't you take the time to go visit her?"

"What makes you think I don't? You go to the office, I go visit your mother." The disbelief on his son's face didn't sit well with him. "She sleeps, most of the time, fading in and out. The illness has gotten worse over the last three weeks, she barely recognizes me anymore. You've been to see her, how well does she recognize you?" The slight look of guilt made Vegeta nod. "You know exactly what I mean."

"You still spend more time with that… Kuroichi than you do with Mother."

The accusation had merit, Vegeta admitted, even as his eyes narrowed dangerously. "Look, boy, I spend time with your mother. She lays there, sleeping, or looks at me and asks who I am. I have lived with that woman since I was wished to this mudball. We've been lovers nearly as long - and she does not know who I am." Vegeta spit out the last few words. "Why does it upset you that I can't stand to watch her decay? That I don't want to watch her die?"

"Because you go to him! Do you have any idea how much she cried? Every night, Father! Every single night that he's been here, until she got so sick." Trunks was trembling, he was so furious.

Vegeta drew a deep breath, holding his temper in check. "Your mother and I talked about that. She understood."

"She may have understood, but she sure didn't like it."

Vegeta started to answer, but turned to look at the door they stood beside. "She's gone."

Trunks wrenched the door from its hinges, running to his mother's still form. "Mom!"

A single tear slid down Vegeta's face. He turned, making his way numbly to his room, leaving his grieving son with his wife's body. 

Snatches of conversation, overheard as he moved through the room. "So fast… didn't expect her to go so soon… heartbroken… husband's lover in her house… bastard could show some feeling… think he doesn't care… why's he here?" The voices blended into a humming babble he didn't try to make out. Bulma's casket was in front of him now.

Her face showed no sign of the illness that had taken her mind and, in the end, her life. Her slight form was neatly arranged, her long bluish-grey hair brushed and braided. The dress she wore had been one of her favorites. Blank faced, he stared down at the woman who had once meant so much to him. He reached out, slowly, touching the back of one cold hand, slipping the note he had written into it, to join the other slips of paper she held. The rose he had clutched so tightly he laid gently next to her head, the fully opened, pale pink bloom emphasizing the ghostly whiteness of her skin.

Unable to bear the sight, Kuroichi made his way quickly to his master's side. He was mercifully alone, most of the people there having said their platitudes before going off to gossip about the tall man who had just knelt at his feet.

"Kuroichi…" Vegeta sighed. "Stay. I need you here."

"Of course, Master." Kuroichi rose, taking his place behind Vegeta. He remained with his master for the rest of the horribly long service, watching as stony faced as Vegeta when the casket was finally lowered into the ground. And it was he who comforted Vegeta when they got back to their rooms, where his master's control finally broke.

His did not.

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Short, short… bother. I lost my concentration so many times trying to get that down, too many interruptions. Did it show?


	26. You killed her

Again, my apologies for that last, sadly mangled chapter. I merely gave up rewriting it. I got two kids caterwauling in the background (it's naptime, they protest), so I make no promises that this one will be anything other than written. Er, typed.

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"Young master?" Kuroichi blinked twice, but otherwise showed no sign of his shock at who had knocked. "Come in…"

Trunks took two steps inside, just enough for Kuroichi to close the door behind him. And stood there, silently radiating such hatred that Kuroichi backed away several steps before dropping to one knee. "What can I do for you?"

"Besides die?" Trunks hissed. "You can _leave_. You can leave and never come back! How dare you stay here!" He took a few steps, grabbing Kuroichi's hair and forcing his head back. "My mother's body wasn't even cold before he was with you again! Did you think I couldn't tell? Do you think I didn't know what happened?"

He released his grip, his open palm striking Kuroichi with enough force to knock him down and skid him halfway across the floor. "You killed my mother, you know." His voice was so casually off-hand. "She loved my father so much, and he only ever cared about you. Flaunting you in front of her, spending his time with you instead of her. She died of a broken heart. You killed her."

"I…" Kuroichi started to protest, rising from where he had fallen. The kick to his belly shouldn't have been the surprise it was. The rest of his words deserted him with an 'oomph' as he was lifted into the air. He landed on his back.

"And Goten." Kuroichi was pinned to the floor, Trunks' foot pressed against his throat. "All he wanted was to know about his father, what happened to him. You wouldn't give him the satisfaction of closure, no matter how painful it might have been for him to hear it." A slight laugh, when Kuroichi grabbed his foot, trying vainly to remove it. "You wouldn't tell him why his father died, why he left, _Kuroichi_. He was crying because of you. And I don't let anyone make Goten cry. Not you, not anyone. But he keeps trying, and you keep making him cry."

A soft tap at the door. "Kuroichi? Can I come in?"

Trunks turned toward the door. "Speak of the devil." He took his foot from Kuroichi's throat, a faint smile appearing when the other man gasped for breath. "I suggest you give him the dragonball, _Kuroichi_. His mother wants his father back. And then, I suggest you leave. And stay gone. Now go answer your door like a good boy, and be sure not to mention my little visit." Trunks walked from the room, into his father's.

Kuroichi, trembling, went to open the door. The angry red mark on his face, and the one on his neck, caught Goten's attention immediately. A little mewl of distress escaped him, his own hand reaching to gently caress the livid marks. "What happened?"

"Nothing of importance," Kuroichi told him. "Why are you here?"

"I'm hiding from my mother," Goten informed him with an impish grin. "She came to see Trunks, but I can't find him anywhere."

"Have you tried Vegeta's room? Maybe he's talking with the master."

"That could be… he wasn't in the GR. Mind if I use that door?" Goten was through the connecting door before Kuroichi had a chance to answer him. "Hey, Trunks! You are here, great! Mom wants to talk to you." An indistinct mutter. "No, I want to see if I can get… yeah. Yeah, I'll be down later. Okay. And save me some of the cookies!"

Goten popped back into Kuroichi's room and shut the door behind him. "They're both in there… guess I should have knocked. Trunks is really mad at his dad, isn't he? Did he do that?" Again, he motioned to the mark on Kuroichi's face. "Or did Trunks? I know he hates your guts…" The happy animation faded from voice and face, Goten dropping dispiritedly into one of the hard white chairs.

"Goten… you know I killed him. He isn't coming back. He can't."

"I just… I can't stop knowing who you are. Were. And I can't stop hoping my dad will heal and come back to me. To us." Goten leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. "And it hurts that Trunks hates you, because I love you both so much."

"Your father is dead, boy. Go to your lover. He's waiting." Kuroichi opened the door, waited. Goten lifted his face, staring at the man who had been his father, then silently left the room. Kuroichi shut the door, and turned to get smacked across the room by Vegeta.

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Vegeta: Ha! That's more like it.

Goku: Why is everyone beating me up?

Vegeta: Baka, why do I always beat you?  
Goku: *thinking*

Jewel: He beats you, Vegeta. Maybe one of these days, you'll win, but you're… *is currently running for her life*


	27. Tiny seed

*peeks around* Um, yeah. I gave Vegeta the slip. He's really mad at me. Oh, so are you. Both Trunks and Vegeta beating on Kuroichi… yeah. The answer to that is coming up. I've got part of it written (hey, don't give me that look, I had part of this chapter written before my last post), but it isn't ready to be all done yet. I hate it when that happens… it's currently listed as chapter 300...

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Kuroichi settled a tea tray in front of Vegeta, and placed a huge platter of cookies between the two sitting at the table. He bowed, and quietly walked out of the room.

"I thought he was happy here." Goten said after Kuroichi left. "He looks… gone."

Vegeta picked up a cookie. "He's gotten worse since the funeral, although he went back to being a marionette after that blasted thing… that fundraiser."

"Fundraiser? Didn't you take him with you?"

"No, of course not. Why would I have?" He caught a look at Goten's face. "What? You think he was disappointed not to go?"

"It's possible. Dad loved parties. He went to every fundraiser Bulma had… until he left."

"Kuroichi isn't your father."

Goten took a large swallow of the tea, grabbed a few cookies. "I know." He took a bite from one of the cookies and made a face. "Yuck, who made these?"

Vegeta took a tentative bite of his own cookie, groaned. "Bra. She tries, but she just cannot cook."

"And they look so good," Goten sighed.

"Eat them." Vegeta took another bite of his cookies, making a horrid face. "You won't hear the end of it if you don't."

"Can't you feed them to… Kuroichi?" Goten asked plaintively. "I don't want any!"

"He won't touch them, either. It's the one thing he won't do for me." Vegeta regarded the next cookie with disfavor, and made it disappear. "I think she replaces the sugar with baking soda."

"You ought to have Kuroichi teach her how to do it. He makes awesome cookies, even better than Mom's. Just don't tell her I said so," Goten warned. "You'll have her living here too, in constant competition with him."

"Why haven't you moved in?"

"Hm? Why?"

"You're my son's lover, aren't you? Why not live with him?" Vegeta smirked, shoving a cookie into Goten's gaping mouth. "Eat that."

Taken by surprise, Goten did. "Oh, man that's nasty! Why don't you just flush these down the toilet or something?"

"Because Bra will come in later and ask how they were, and if they were better than last time, and I have to be able to tell her. Besides," Vegeta sighed, "the last time I tried that, I had to call a plumber." He frowned. "I thought Trunks was coming with you?"

"Oh, he's coming. You told him he had to, remember? But if he knows Bra made the cookies, I bet he waits until he's sure they're gone."

"KUROICHI!"

The connecting door popped open. "Master?"

"Go find Trunks. Tell him Goten and his father are waiting. And tell him if he's not here in two minutes, any cookies left he has to eat. And could you get us some more milk, while you're at it?"

"Of course, Master." He slipped out the door.

"No questions asked." Goten looked at the closed door sadly.

"He's a marionette again."

"You say jump, he says how high?"

"No. No questions. He jumps." Vegeta sighed, laying the cookie he was forcing down aside. "He doesn't question. He obeys. Immediately. The only time he asks me anything is to see if there is anything else I need, or what color of something I want. He's got no opinions. No will of his own. That music? That's been on, constantly, at that exact volume, since the night of the fund-raiser. He hasn't shut it off or changed the CD. I'm tired of hearing it, I don't know how he can't be."

"Tell him to change it," Goten suggested. "Hey, if he has no will of his own, make him eat the cookies. You'll know something's really wrong with him if he doesn't protest."

_The feeling's evolved I won't let it out I can't replace your screaming face feeling the sickness inside why won't you die your blood in mine We'll be fine then your body will be mine_… "Personally, I could do without hearing that particular song again," Vegeta complained. "I keep thinking, when I found him, I asked him if he'd forgotten that I'd take him if I wanted him. And now, he's mine."

"If you…" Goten's eyes widened. "YOU! You're the one?"

Vegeta was saved from answering by the arrival of his extremely irritated son, followed by Kuroichi with two pitchers of milk. Trunks slammed down into a seat, eyeing the cookies with even more disgust than he usually aimed at Kuroichi. That one settled the milk on the table and started for his door.

"Oh no you don't. Get back here," Vegeta ordered. "Trunks, you made it. So, Kuroichi, you eat the cookies. Sit there." He indicated the last chair at the small table. "I was just asking Goten why he didn't live with you, Trunks."

"What? Why would he?"

"Oh," Vegeta smirked, ignoring Goten's wild gestures to quiet him, "because he's your lover."

"Oh gods," Goten murmured, trying to sink beneath the table as Trunks stared at him, incredulous.

"You told him?"

"He found out from my dad…" Goten whispered.

"You told your…." His attention shifted. "How long have you known?" Trunks snarled at his father.

"Since…" Vegeta looked up at the ceiling. "Awhile. What difference does it make? The boy can live with you if he wants, and you want him."

Goten grabbed cookies, stuffing his face, obviously wishing he were anywhere else. The resulting choking fit had Trunks smothering him with attention. Vegeta's own attention was on Kuroichi, silently eating one cookie after another. "That's enough, Kuro. Go change the music, will you? Gokuraku. I liked that one."

Kuroichi went without protest, the music soon changing to the song that had once been Goku's favorite. Vegeta's jaw clenched, but he went on teasing Trunks about his long-term affair. He would have time enough later to find out what was wrong with Kuroichi.

Kuroichi waited in the uncomfortable white chair near the connecting door. He'd left it open only about an inch, just enough to be able to hear his master call. Long lashes veiled his eyes as he listened to the not-quite-friendly banter from the next room, the melody of Gokuraku floating through the air around him.

_Master called me Kuro again. He isn't so angry anymore. He seems disappointed. I've done everything I should. I've done it right. Why is he disappointed with me? I know he is… but I don't understand why._ He hummed, quietly, along with the song, leaning his head against the back of the edge of the chair. He fell again into the half-doze that passed for sleep, his features relaxing, the tenseness he didn't realize he had easing away. 

The doze didn't last long, the nightmares that came whenever he drifted into anything resembling sleep ensured that. He sat up, panting a bit, looking to see that no one was there, no needles, no fists. Kuroichi leaned forward, catching his hair and pulling, willing the memories back into the little corner of his mind where they were supposed to stay.

_I don't think this is what Zweb had in mind when she told Goku he needed to go home. She expected him to rejoin his family. Neither of them expected his family… his friends… to disown him. Except…_ A tiny niggling tendril of thought inserted it. _Except Goten. He didn't disown his father… he wasn't even in the room when Goku told them about his daughter. And he wasn't home when Goku went looking for a place to stay._

An eensey, tinesy seed of hope took root.

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Yes, Gokuraku is the actual name of a real song. It's on my Mahjongg game. I cracked up the first time I saw the title… although honestly I have no idea what it means.


	28. Day off

"Hey Vegeta? How come Kuroichi is never downstairs?"

"Hmm?" The sudden change in conversation startled the prince. "Why?"

"I dunno." Goten stared down at his plate, avoiding Trunks' eyes. "It just occurred to me?"

Vegeta stared at him a moment, and then a tiny smile played on his lips. "Ah, I see. You don't want me teasing Trunks anymore. But I'll tell you… I don't actually know."

"Ask him, then," Trunks told his father bluntly. "If Goten's so interested, let's find out."

"Kuroichi, come here." The man came in almost silently, to stand where Vegeta would be able to tell he'd arrived, but not close enough to annoy Trunks. "Why do you stay upstairs?"

Kuroichi blinked, confused. "You ordered it, Master."

"I did?" Vegeta asked as Goten exclaimed, "You what?!" Trunks just smirked, having expected that answer.

"After I went shopping, you told me to stay in my room until you told me otherwise."

"Did I?" Vegeta frowned. "Well, you can leave it again."

"He needs days off, Vegeta," Goten said. "You've had him in these rooms for a couple months, at least! That means he hasn't had a single day to himself."

Vegeta glared at the young demi-Saiyan, at his smirking son. Then he frowned. Even he'd had days off with Frieza, though he hadn't liked them much. "Oh, fine. And you can have all of next week off."

"Regular days, Vegeta," Goten said. He shot a quick look at Trunks, and apparently decided bravely eating one of Bra's cookies was a more acceptable thing to do. At least the choking fit that followed his first bite wiped the scowl off his lover's face.

"And the last day of every week. Are you satisfied, whelp?"

Goten, tears streaming down his cheeks and clutching at his throat, nodded, then succumbed to another coughing fit. Trunks helpfully pounded on his back. When he finally recovered, Goten glared at the mound of cookies still remaining. "You can't just dump them in the trash and tell her they were too awful to eat?"

"No." Trunks and Vegeta answered at the same time, then stared at each other a moment. Trunks continued, "We've tried that. She followed us around for the next month, every single day, with test batches, and each one worse than the last. And she cried every time we told her they were awful. I'm not going through that again. Once or twice a month I can deal with. Every day - no way!"

"Oh, Kuro? You may as well take the rest of today off. I know you've got money to spend… go spend some." Vegeta watched as Kuroichi slipped through the connecting door. A few minutes later, he heard the sound of the hall door as Kuroichi left.

_Spend it on what?_ Kuroichi wondered, as he made his way back to the mall. _For only one day a week to wear my own things, I have more than enough clothes. A deck of cards? I suppose I'll need something to do on my day off. Not to mention all of next week. Why would he give in so easily to Goten? He hadn't cared before, why now?_

He paused outside the entrance to the mall. The huge structure covered over 10 city blocks, and was five stories high. Kuroichi sighed, and pushed open the door. Browsing was going to take him awhile, especially since he had no idea what he wanted to buy. _Then again, why should I buy anything? I don't need anything. Although…_ remembering the discomfort of the awful white chairs, _a comfortable chair or two might be good. And lime green curtains! My bedroom slippers are ruined, I could get another pair… oooo! Candy!_

His immediate detour into the candy shop raised his spirits considerably. The subsequent purchases of lime green curtains, an extremely comfortable whirly-rocking chair, and fuzzy panda slippers improved his mood. He made a brief stop at The Body Shop to pick up some massage oils and shampoo, then stopped to browse for over an hour at Hot Topic, although he didn't buy anything.

He toured through each shop, mostly looking. There wasn't anything he needed, and he found he didn't want much at all. Some incense from The Third Planet and an intricate windchime completed his purchases. Halfway home, he backtracked to pick up an incense burner.

It didn't take him very long to get his purchases arranged in his room. He plopped immediately into the rocking chair, spinning himself around several times. The lime green curtains fluttering in the breeze were too short for the windows, but Kuroichi didn't care. The soft green tint lightened the harsh white of the room, and added another couple splashes of color.

He moved over to the stereo, looked at the CD's piled next to it. Megadeth sounded good, he loaded Cryptic Writings. It just sounded right. Yanking off his shoes, he tugged on the panda slippers, grinning down at them. One day a week, he'd get to wear them, and that was fine with him. One day a week, he'd need to.

The windchime couldn't be heard over the music, so he listened for the tinkling sounds it made. They were faint, and it wasn't until the end of the second song that he was able to pick the chimes out. Kuroichi sprawled sideways in his new chair, rocking and spinning until he got dizzy, and eating the chocolate stars he'd bought at the candy shop.

_there's a secret place I like to go everyone is there but their face don't show if you get inside you can't get out there's no coming back I hear them shout… let me in get me out can't do more than twist and shout lost my soul without a trace found it again in my secret place… I hide from those who try to find me scary thing that's right behind me I lost myself, I must confess I can't explain how I got this mess…_

Kuroichi's spinning stopped, he looked toward the stereo. _Why is it everything I listen to reminds me of my life? Am I hiding? No… not hiding. Not exactly. But… Goku is not so dead as I thought he was. It is his memories I dream, not my own. And I am not one to like fuzzy panda slippers - that was definitely a Goku-inspired purchase. Color though, that is something I love. I think… a beaded curtain to put there, at the balcony. That pink and orange one, with the blue and green… what store was that?_

He decided to go back and get it. _And some books, or something. The bookshelves, I'm tired of looking at them. And the deck of cards. This room… there is nothing to do. _His mind spun busily, and he wound up purchasing more than he'd intended when he got back to the mall. Although, when he got all the stuff back to his room, he decided that wasn't a bad thing. He had the rest of the day off, and he had nothing to do but decide where to put things. He turned the stereo up a bit, and set to work.

"Kuro."

"Yikes!" Kuroichi, intent on his arranging, hadn't heard Vegeta enter. He jumped, and whirled to kneel at his master's feet.

Vegeta took a moment to look around before closing his eyes. "I thought the white was bad."

"It doesn't please you?"

"Kuro… you don't need to kneel. You have today off. And it is up to you how this room looks, not me." Vegeta looked around again. "But your style of decorating is appalling."

Kuroichi looked around. His room couldn't be more different from his master's. Brightly colored, brocaded pillows were flung everywhere, a bright blue beanbag chair snuggled next to the lemon-colored rocking chair, a brilliant purple one next to the closet door. Two lava lamps, one hot pink and the other fluorescent blue, stood at either side of the bed.

The too short lime curtains had been joined by the beaded curtain he'd gone after, the windchime had companions on the balcony and hanging from the ceiling fan. Incense burned in a red marbled dragon holder sitting next to a cheerful clown candle. Two abstracts in eye-blinding colors hung on the walls, another leaned against the bed waiting to be hung.

The uncomfortable white chairs had multicolored throws tossed over them, bright red footstools resting in front of them. He'd even gotten three throw rugs - grass green, sky blue, and bright orange - which he'd put in front of the dresser, the balcony, and his cheerful rocking chair. A half-dozen bright yellow Smiley face candy dishes were scattered everywhere, all of them full.

The stereo had been joined by a smallish TV/VCR combo and a PS2, the entire bookcase next to them was filled with CD's, videos, and games. On top of the bookcase were two more of Kuroichi's candles - a pink and green unicorn and a sickly purple mermaid. The last candle, an eye-numbing yellow, orange, & green octopus, graced the top of the dresser.

A pack of cards and a few manga topped a second bookcase. It also contained the four-star dragonball. Kuroichi regarded the ball for only a moment. "If you don't like it, I can take it back."

"No… I told you - it's your room." Vegeta had his eyes fixed on a fringed and beaded lamp on the bed's built-in bookcase. The entwined figures on it were painted in such ludicrous colors it was nearly impossible to truly notice what the figures were doing. Nearly. Vegeta had a rather certain feeling that Kuroichi had bought it because of the colors, not the blatant sexuality represented. He tore his eyes from it, trying to find something that was neither so bright as to blind him, or so clashing as to make him wish he were blind. He settled for Kuroichi, dressed again in pure black - except for the fuzzy panda slippers. "Oh, gods. I should have known. At least they aren't pink bunnies!"

"Hmm?" Kuroichi examined his feet. "They're warm."

A knock at the door, and Trunks' voice. "Kuroichi? You there? Is my dad with you?"

"Yes, come in."

Trunks walked in, Goten on his heels. They both stopped, jaws dropping. "Wh… what happened?"

"I spent money."

"The four-star ball!" Goten exclaimed. "You do have it. Trunks, don't tell my mom."

"Why?"

"Trunks, do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Then don't tell her." Goten gave Trunks such a simpering look that Vegeta gagged. "For me?"

"Okay…" Trunks' eyes darted around the room, taking in the eye-boggling, clashing colorfulness of it. "I have completely forgotten what I wanted to talk to you about… I can't think in here. I'm going to the kitchen… come on, Goten." He grabbed Goten and left the room, casting one last appalled look around the room.

"Kuro?"

"Yes, Master?"

Vegeta turned, carefully taking in the entire room. "I think I will go back to my room. It is easier on my eyes. I'll see you tomorrow."

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Goku: ??? Why would I want my room to look like that?

Jewel: This from a guy who never wore anything but bright orange?

Goku: Um… welll…

Jewel: And you can't say you didn't have anything else… Piccolo wore your clothes for the driving test.

Goku: Oh, yeah, I forgot about that!

Jewel: So did the rest of the world.

Vegeta: Where did you get the idea for that room?

Jewel: Um, well…. *weak grin*

Vegeta: You have got to be kidding.

Jewel: …


	29. Chibound

Okay! I collected reviews… I had gobs and gobs of them in my inbox, it took forever to get them all c/p'd. But I finally got 'em, and got my stuff uploaded. The library closed early for Thanksgiving, so that's all I managed to get done. By the way, how does one tell ff.net that one has a ff that belongs in an anime category not yet listed? Erm, yeah… I was watching Knights of the Zodiac, and the two dragons were just so cute… I wrote a fluff. Oh! On to the replies…

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Tatoosh: I haven't figured out yet what happened to Gohan. He has to make it into the fic eventually, but I don't know where he is at the moment.

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Talon: Ah, come on! Until the phone company and I come to terms, I can only get online 2x a week, provided the library isn't closed for a holiday or other special function. (And as they have yet to reply to my complaint, it appears it will be awhile. Scammers, that's what they are! A guy my friend knows got blasted by them too - wound up having to pay over $800!) See, doesn't Kuro look like Goku, only not as pretty?

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Lady Sakura-chan, ciily siyn, & suisheu: What makes you think it wasn't him? He wouldn't need to ask if he did it, now would he? And he'd consider it normal, too, and make nothing of it. (an' yeah, it'd make a hell of a twist!)

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Mitchell: The link isn't working? *smacks things* Try it now? And it's been yaoi almost the entire way through, either implied and slightly more explicit. I tend to gloss details of that sort.

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Neko-jin Rouge: eek! I'm being eyed! Things seeming a bit off is almost always deliberate. I do it a lot!

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The bright colors and tinkling windchimes were doing nothing to lift his spirits today. Kuroichi buried his head into the brilliant, sparkling green pillow he held, and just tried not to think. He'd gotten pretty good at that, over the last few days, but today, it simply wasn't working. _I have way too much time on my hands. Too much time to think. To much time to wonder. Did Goten get Vegeta to give me a week off hoping this would happen?_

He couldn't get the boy's wounded look out of his head, the way all the life and energy had just seemed to drain out of him. It didn't help that Trunks and Vegeta had both beaten him. He winced a little - he was still sore from Vegeta's beating. _And that's another thing - why? He never said, but he was so pissed! Not just mad, pissed. He looked like he would've been just as happy ripping out my heart and feeding it to his goldfish as he was just beating the crap out of me. At least it was short._

Kuroichi stretched, and decided he might as well get up. He scrounged through his clothes for something to wear, and sat down on the bed to get dressed. Having Goten burst through the door and bury his face in his lap before he got his boxers on was a bit of a shock. He gaped down at the younger man, the shock quickly turning to concern when he realized the boy was crying. "Goten? Hey, what's wrong? What happened?"

Goten remained incoherent for several minutes, wracking sobs shaking him. He held tightly to Kuroichi's waist, seeming not to notice the rather awkward - in Kuroichi's opinion - circumstance of Kuroichi's state of undress. Kuroichi, highly aware of that little fact, and that his bedroom door was standing wide open, did his level best to calm the demi-Saiyan down.

"Go-" Trunks' voice cut off mid-syllable. He stared in at the scene, wide blue eyes narrowing and turning pale with cold fury.

"Trunks! Come calm him down! I need to get dressed!" Kuroichi begged. He'd deal with Trunks' anger later, probably as the younger man took it out on him, but for the moment, all he wanted was a pair of pants on. Trunks stalked in, his eyes softening again when he heard his lover's sobs. "See if you can find out what's wrong. Goten, let go. Trunks is here, hold on to him. Come on, let go."

Kuroichi's voice softened as he encouraged the youngster to let him go, and he wasted no time getting his pants on once the boy was cradled tightly against Trunks. He was careful to keep his distance while Trunks calmed Goten down, and got him to explain what had happened.

"I'm going to kill that bitch!" Trunks yelled suddenly, and then had to deal with the hysterical fit Goten threw. Kuroichi waited, knowing that Goten's first instinct had been to come to his father - no matter that his father wasn't exactly all there. As soon as Trunks left, Kuroichi knew he'd find out what had happened. Although he had a pretty good idea.

Goten was wearing chi binders.

Kuroichi had long since arranged the few treasures Goku had kept. He sighed, darting a look around the room. Each piece had a memory, even for him. Slowly, he peeled out of the black clothes, and took off the chi binders he always wore. It was a bit more difficult keeping his power down with them off, but he managed.

A quick shower and a vigorous toweling had his hair standing out every which way. He walked back to the bed, picking up the clean clothes he'd laid out. He slipped into them, the loose material a change from the skin-tight clothes he'd been wearing.

He walked to the mirror, ran the brush through his hair, quickly putting it in order. He spent several long minutes in front of the mirror, putting to use a skill even Vegeta didn't know he had. Then, using long ignored skills, he searched out a particular chi. Two fingers lifted to his forehead. A moment later, the room was empty.

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I could take this further, and have lots of chapters by Saturday, but I don't think I want to. And, now you know why Kuroichi didn't know who beat him those two times - 1) he was chi-bound, and 2) he'd stopped using his sensing skills. (ah! Make that Friday! Hehe, extra library day!)


	30. I want him happy

Hallo again. Yes, another update! Which, since I'm writing it overnight, may be either short or shoddy… hopefully the first if it must be one or the other! Sorry, I'm cold, and the heater just ain't doing enough…

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Lady Sakura-chan: No such. That is my light half's version of the perfect room, only it needs plants and the walls painted in a kaleidoscope of colors. My version of a perfect room is more like Vegeta's. What I have is a mess of papers, clothes, and other assorted odds & ends… As for the multi-chappy updates, well, they're pretty much essential.

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Minna-sama no megami: Call him Kuroku, by all means… come to think of it, mind if I use that? It just might come in handy later…

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Suisheu: Were you flaming? I finally got one, I think, but it wasn't from you, or for this story. Cranky person wrote it - I've actually found a Chi-Chi fan. Bulma, by my rough calculations, was 70-some odd years old, or maybe early 80's. Mostly, she died of age, with a nasty bit of a memory-destroying disease. (I have no idea what it is, due to the fact it only exists in the DBZ world cause I don't want it here.) Um, I know the time is getting a bit blurry, that's my fault. I've gotten a bit lost myself - need to print it all out (minus A/N's) and get that figured out. Each give.. Oh! No. Trunks was with Goten - and Goten always knocks. Trunks forgot what he wanted to talk to his dad about, and I can't read his mind. Only Vegeta, Kuroku (thanks minna!), and occasionally Goten's.

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Tatoosh: Yeah, there's a bit of… I don't want to call it reconciliation yet… but it's starting. You're the only one who noticed… er, commented, on that particular oddity. Attention to detail, that's a good thing. The detail stands. No, it isn't fun feeling trapped, worthless and incompetent, and no one should have to, but a lot of us do. J Yes, indeed, why should he??? I think I'm up to 5, or 6?

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The-only-sabi-san: Yeah, well I made it up there the other day and discovered I was slightly off… the doors aren't exactly spiderwebby after all. I know, I know, shouldn't'a gone, but oh well. The occasional splurge (oh, wow, I bought a sticker..) is allowed. MONKEY PLEASURE??? Are you serious????? *snickers* What a thing for Gokuraku to mean… *falls on floor, will get up and type more later… when she quits laughing* 

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Ciily siyn: yeah, the reasons why and wherefore are to be revealed. At least, that's the plan. I've been writing a chapter or so a night, generally, on several different fics. That's part of the reason they're always so short - and short is easier to update quickly.

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Agent -182-: For some reason, I'm thinking me no has signed reviews from you… but I'm glad you like the ficcy!

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DarkSerapha: Oh, you're the one? *thinks* Talon, too, wasn't it? Yes, chatting would be nice. *Glares at anyone reading who works for Sprint - FIX IT!* Actually, I've discovered that there is actually a local number (finally), so I may just drop the ld and Earthlink for that. Maybe. I'll still have a horrible bill if this doesn't get resolved, and they'll probably shut the phone off while I'm fighting them. It's going to do horrible things to that deal that passes for my credit rating. Yeah, I tend to pick on Goku… I forget how many times I've killed him or worse, and he never seems to die prettily… *whimpers* why is everyone calling me evil? Oh, wait. Maybe I should be proud of that? How cool of you to send me the lyrics! I don't have that one, but I know & love the song… it may find its way into the ficcy now!

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Mitchell: *blink* *blink blink blink* Um, you just implied I can draw. I can manage a fairly decent Vegeta, can't draw Goku at all (like I said, that pic was copied & edited), and barely managed to draw my 'self-portrait' Ally did the good one. Fan art, however, is accepted. (Blatant hint to readers with talent & the interest to provide such) I'll pull a Hella and get an MSN group for posting them up. Or just use my unused Yahoo group…

I've had a request for a dip into Goten's mind. It's a quickie.

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"Goku!" She ran for him, he swung her up and around, grinning hugely.

"Hey, Chi-Chi! You aren't mad at me anymore?"

"Oh, Goku, no. Of course not!" She looked up at him. "Wait a minute. Mad about what? What'd you do?"

"Radda. You're not mad about her anymore?"

"Rad… oh. No, Vegeta explained that. I told you that last night."

"But, Chi-Chi," Goku held her out at arm's length, "I wasn't here last night. I have a job! It pays really well, and I have my own room at my boss's house. I got a vacation this week, and I thought I'd come by and see if you were still mad at me. I'm glad you aren't. What's wrong? You look sick."

"You… you weren't here last night?" One hand pressed over her mouth. "I… didn't dream that, did I? No…. You were here. I saw you. We made love. I know we did!"

"Nope. I was in my room at my boss's house, trying to decide if it was safe to come back or not. I mean, I told Kuroichi to tell you guys I killed myself, because I was really feeling… all torn up, but I'm better now, and I missed you guys. So last night, I was trying to decide, and today I came." He pulled her close. "I've missed you so much. You must have missed me a lot to have dreamed that," he added, and kissed her.

"Kuroichi?" Goten tapped on the door. It swung open, so he walked in. "Kuroichi?" He looked behind the door, confused. No one was in the room. "Where are you?"

He pushed the door shut, making sure it latched properly, before looking around. "Kuroichi? Please. I'm sorry… about earlier. I was just upset. I should've knocked. I shouldn't've just barged in. Kuro?" His face twisted, tears beginning to flow. "Daddy, please…" He dropped to his knees next to the bed. His father wasn't here, he realized that now. But he kept talking, his voice slightly muffled by the pillow he buried his face in.

"Oh, Daddy… I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. If I hadn't tried to make you talk to me by telling you my problems, none of this wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't have had that extra trouble on your soul, and you wouldn't have taken Vegeta to the pool. I know about your special place, Daddy, where you used to go to cry. I even know you took Vegeta there to spar… and I know what happened.

"He told me, Daddy. I don't think he meant to, but he told me. And it happened twice. I wish I hadn't made you think that you couldn't talk to me, I wish you would have told me. Then maybe it wouldn't have happened again. Maybe you wouldn't have gone to Yardrat, you would have come to me instead.

"But, Daddy… I know you're so much happier with Vegeta than you were with Mom. All I have to do is look around. Or see you with him. I can tell… you love him the way I love Trunks." Goten gasped, a little hiccupping sob.

"Trunks told me… what he did… that he beat you. I'm so sorry… he did it because you were hurting me, and his mother, and taking his father away from him. I hate that he hates you, Daddy. I love you both so much… it's tearing me up, and I can't tell him what's wrong."

Goten hiccupped again, his tears soaking the pillow. "I hope you heal, Daddy. I don't care if you don't come back, just as long as you're better, and happy. Even if… even if you never accept or recognize me as your son again… I want you to be happy." His voice faded as he sagged down to the floor, emotionally spent.

He felt, distantly, someone pick him up off the floor, lay him on the bed. His eyes were too puffy and tearful to see, he only knew that it was someone who cared. He threw himself into comforting arms that wrapped around him and pulled him tightly against a strong chest. "You cry too much, boy," a rough voice said, even as strong hands rubbed his back gently.

"He's my daddy," Goten whimpered.

"Of course he is, mini baka. He's treating you the same way I used to treat Trunks. He knows he's your father, but he's too wrapped up in other things to care. I knocked him around for that… probably not the best thing to do," Vegeta added reflectively.

"No," Goten whispered.

"And you can't blame yourself for what I did. That… was my own choice, and I alone carry the blame." Vegeta sighed. "It is not something I would do now."

"You wouldn't have to now." Goten loosened his death clutch on Vegeta to wipe at his eyes. "You can just tell him to strip."

"Hn. That's not what I want, brat. I want him willing for his own sake, not just doing a job. I want your father happy, not hiding behind a smile like he did for so long, or that emotionless mask he has now. I want him to stop crying when he sleeps, and I want him to sleep longer than a few minutes at a time. I want his nightmares to end, but I'm the cause of some of them." Having finally gotten Goten's tears to stop, Vegeta pushed him back a little and tipped the younger man's head up. "Now, what was that about Trunks beating him?"

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… should I flee spork armies?

Vegeta: I am mush again.

Jewel: Yah, I know. Do you have a point?  
Goku: Hey! I went home! I thought I loved Vegeta?

Jewel: You do. *looks at Vegeta, temporizes* In the story, I mean.

Goku: Oh. So… why am I at home with Chi-Chi?

Vegeta: Kakarot?

Goku: Yes?

Vegeta: Shut up. And believe me when I say you don't want to know. *eyes Jewel* Does he?

Jewel: Nope.


	31. I won't let you hurt him

So, are we confused yet? I would apologize, except that at least one person picked up on the clue I dropped.

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Tatoosh: I'm fairly certain last chapter answered some of the questions you asked. As for what happens next, just read on. I see *pauses, tries to look mystical… fails* healing?

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Lady Sakura-chan: J 

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Kitkat: Oh, you like 'em, too? Hehe… I can't decide which one of 'em I like best, but Seiya and Phoenix are running last, Shiryu and Andromeda first… Yes, you're right about the skill. Vegeta never needed to know, so Kuro didn't tell him.

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Firefly: For the last time: I CAN'T DRAW! I copied a pic of Goku and edited it horribly. To find the pic, click on the little piccy of me with my name flashing, then on Kuroichi's name. It should pop up. I… don't know what the direct link is. *blushes*

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Suisheu: Yes, they both beat him, explanations last chapter. Goten… the poor baby. I had a brain fart (a bad one), and edited it (massively) for content. The result, you got to read.

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"So, where's Goten? And Gohan? Do they still live next door?" Goku pulled away to look down at Chi-Chi. "Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Is it because I was gone so long? I'm real sorry about that Chi-Chi, but I really thought you hated me. You were so mad…"

"No… I'm not mad at you," she said, smiling through the tears. "I just… realized something. Yes, Gohan still lives next door. Goten moved to Capsule Corporation."

"Really? Hey, I'll have to go by and see him later then. Here," Goku reached into a pocket, and produced a huge wad of zenni, "this is for you! I've been saving it."

Chi-Chi looked blankly at the money. "Where did that come from?"

Goku's face fell. "I… told you. I have a job now. I'm on vacation."

"You have a job? Oh, Goku! That's wonderful!" Her enthusiasm sounded slightly forced.

Goku began smiling again. "Yes, it's fun. I like it, it suits me perfectly."

"So you're coming back home?"

"Oh." He looked down, rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, no. I can't, really. It's a live-in job, I only get one day off a week. But, I could come then, if you want? The last day of the week. And, I can spend the rest of my vacation, I've got another," he looked up at the clouds, "um, three days, plus today… I've got four days. I'll have to go get some stuff… now what's wrong?" he asked as she burst into tears again.

"Oh… I just hate this! I never thought I would want you to not have a job!" she wailed. "I want you back home!"

"Well, Chi-Chi… I wasn't really home a whole lot anyway. I was always off fighting or dead. You know that. Just pretend it's like that. Pretend I'm out fighting bad guys again."

"It is not the same thing."

"Well, okay. But I'm not quitting. I like my job." _You'll never know just how much. You can't see me, can you? You don't see me… you only see bright colors and a happy smile, and you don't meet my eyes. You haven't told me what you did. But I will _not_ let you hurt him again. I won't. It doesn't matter what the cost is to me, I will not let you destroy my son!_ He followed Chi-Chi as she led him inside, talking about what had happened since he'd been gone.

"Kuro? Are you here?" Vegeta looked into the still empty room. "Where did he go?"

"He's on vacation. He needed a break from you," Trunks said sourly, nursing his sore jaw. Vegeta had made his displeasure over Kuroichi's beatings abundantly plain to him the day before.

"I know he's on vacation, brat. But… this is the first time he's been gone this long since it started. He's only left the house for an hour or two… he's been gone two days now." Vegeta turned. "And didn't I tell you to knock before you came in my room?"

"I did. You were busy yelling for your pet."

"What do you want?" Vegeta sighed. He was worried enough about Kuroichi that he overlooked the slight.

"The bitch called. Goku's home."

"WHAT?" Vegeta yelled. "Home?"

"Yeah." Trunks draped himself comfortably in a chair. "Oddly enough, he's got a job."

"Goku?" Vegeta hoped he sounded dumbfounded.

"Yeah, Goku. You can cut the act, Father. I may not train as much as you do, and I may not be as strong, but I know Goku's chi signature when I feel it. Even as squashed as he had it. He's not hiding it anymore. From the feel of it, he's rutting with the bitch." Trunks allowed himself a half-smile at the stunned look that entered his father's eyes, the denial and hurt that followed.

"Get out."

"Sure." He swung himself up, but couldn't resist a parting shot as he went out the door. "Guess the bitch is better in bed than you."

Vegeta barely heard him, didn't realize he'd left. He could feel it now, Goku's power, unrestrained by the binders he had worn. Binders he had worn the entire time he'd lived in the house. Binders that…. _Trunks knew? He knew? And he still beat him almost to death? Doesn't he realize what that would have done to Goten? Or… did he just not care? Goten… does he _know_ that Trunks has known all along that Kuro was his father?_

He considered that. _No… or he would have felt he could tell Trunks why he was so upset by the way he treated Kuro. Gods, he was so unhappy not knowing… what will happen to the poor kid when he finds out? What's he going to think about his father going back to his mother after what happened?_ Vegeta felt for Goten, going straight to him as soon as he knew where to look.

_This damned pool. I should have known…_ He landed softly, walking up behind the demi-Saiyan. "Goten?"

"He went back to her."

"Yes."

"Why? I know he was happy with you. He was torn up, but he was happy."

"Was he?" Vegeta settled by Goten, picked up a handful of rocks. "Trunks beat him, I beat him when I wasn't fucking him or using him, and you were always asking about Goku. Was he happy?"

"Yes," Goten replied positively. "I knew Dad even better than Mom did. I knew he was hiding how he felt, that he was so sad inside. He was happy with you, Vegeta. I don't… I don't understand why he would go back to her. I don't know why Mom would take him back. She's got to know who he is. You can't miss that scarring."

_No, that's not something she could have just overlooked._ Vegeta sighed. "She must have decided it didn't matter, as long as he was with her."

"Are you… mad? At my dad?"

_Mad? No… furiously angry with, disappointed by, and disgusted with, but not mad. I had hoped…_ "No."

"But you aren't happy about it. I bet Trunks will be, once Kuroichi disappears out of your life. But he won't be very happy when he sees my dad again." Goten stared at the moon's reflection on the pool. "I… I'm worried what he will do. He's been so angry this whole time, and I don't want him to hurt my dad again. Do you think he will?"

Vegeta sat quietly, trying to decide how to answer. He threw a pebble into the pool, watching the ripples. "So many ripples. And then," he tossed another pebble, "something comes up, that you don't expect, and all your ripples get countered. I know Trunks won't hurt your father again."

Goten sighed, his head sinking to rest on drawn-up knees. "He knows, doesn't he? He's known all along, just like I did."

"Not just like. You knew. He only recognized the chi signature."

"My mother was expecting me for dinner tonight. She called to tell me my father was home. I saw the look on his face when I told him. He wasn't excited, like I was. And he didn't look surprised. He looked vindicated. I think I knew then, that he'd known the whole time. That he'd hurt my daddy knowing who he was. I told him I was going home, to see my dad… and came here." A muffled sob. "I cry too much…"

"You have many reasons to cry. You had best go see your mother. She'll call again if you don't get there soon. Does Trunks realize that you know?"

"I don't think so. I was so shocked when Mom told me he was home that I dropped the phone."

"Hn. Come on, boy." Vegeta rose, pulled Goten up. "Go see your father."

Goten rose into the air, then paused. "Vegeta?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry." He turned and shot off.

Vegeta looked around. "So am I, whelp." He dropped back to the ground, throwing pebbles into the water.

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Vegeta: Goten took that rather well.

Jewel: Did he?

Goku: It seemed like it to me.

Jewel: How long ago did his mother call?

V&G: ummm…

Jewel: Exactly.

Vegeta: Hey wait, did I just let him cry without insulting him?

Jewel: Yes. Don't ask me why, but you've become his confidante.

Vegeta: Why?

Goku: I know! I know! You're the only other person as close to me!

Jewel: Have a cookie.

Goku: *snarf chomp chew* got anymore?


	32. No one knows

*sets Yugi up next to Goku* There. *hmm… no, maybe Yugi ought to be by Seto? Naw, Goku looks too cute between them…* Sorry about that, had to arrange my pretties on the keyboard. I got to have some inspiration besides sad, depressing, or angry music! I would put Vegeta there, but still haven't managed to get that card. I have 2 Goku, and 2 Gohan, and one Vegito that has pulled a disappearing act on me. (And yes, Savage Garden is the music of the evening…)

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She's taking her time making up the reasons to justify all the hurt inside guess she knows from the smiles and the looks in their eyes everyone's got a theory about the bitter one they're saying Momma never loved her much & Daddy never keeps in touch that's why she shies away from human affection but somewhere in a private place she packs her bags for outer space and now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come and she'll say to him I will fly you to the moon & back if you'll be if you'll be my baby I've got a ticket for a world where we belong so will you be my baby… 

Vegeta sat in Kuroichi's room, listening to the mix of music the other man had bought. Several of the other CD's had been dark, then he'd put this in. The lyrics were pretty much in keeping with how Kuroichi seemed to feel others saw him, but the music was brighter, happier. His particular favorite had something to do with cherry cola, although he couldn't figure out all the words. The language wasn't his first, after all. Or even his third or fourth…

He sighed, pushing to set the chair rocking again. Goten and Trunks had gone to a party Chi-Chi was holding for her husband. He'd chosen to stay home. Maybe, later, he'd go out to the pool. He closed his eyes. _That damned pool. I ought to make up a little sign, take it with me. Make the designation official…_ He opened his eyes to bright orange.

"Vegeta? How come you didn't want to come to the party?"

Vegeta looked up, and fell out of the chair. "Goku? What… but…" he stammered.

"What?" A bright grin lightened uncertain features. "Is something wrong?"

"What happened to your face?" Vegeta stood, reaching to cup Goku's face. He ran a thumb lightly where he knew the scar should be. "What is this?"

"Make-up." Goku shrugged. "It covers it up. Come on, there's lots of food."

"I… no. I don't want to go."

"Vegeta," the tone changed suddenly, from Goku's effervescent lightness to Kuroichi's darkness, "please. I need you there. I'll explain later, I swear it, but I need you there. Please." He dropped to his knees, bowing his head. "Please, Vegeta."

Against his better judgment, Vegeta agreed. Goku reached for him. An instant later, they reappeared in a clump of trees by Goku's front yard. "Gag, it's a geriatrics convention!" Vegeta snorted.

"Well, everyone is kinda getting old…" Goku said quietly. "They age faster than we do, you know that. Yamcha… he'll probably go next. Then Krillian and Chi-Chi. Videl. Tell me, Vegeta, will we outlive our children?"

"You mean, if we don't die again? Probably. Bra's already showing signs of early aging. Trunks seems to take more after me. Your boys take after you. Pan… I don't know about her. But, they're all half-human. They're stronger and will probably have longer life spans, but… I think we'll outlive them."

"That's pretty depressing." Goku stepped from the trees, waving at his friends. "Come on! It looks like the barbeque is fired up!"

Vegeta followed him. He watched as Goku's eyes got brighter and brighter, the wattage on his smile increasing as he mingled with the friends who had seen him every time they'd been to CC, and ignored him. And when Goku excused himself for a bit of 'personal business', he followed him.

"Kakarot."

"Don't call me that."

"Kuro…" Vegeta crooned gently. "Come here."

The smile faltered for just an instant as overly bright eyes met his, then reappeared as the eyes slipped to look at something behind him. Vegeta turned, to find Chi-Chi coming up the stairs. "Oh, here you are. Master Roshi just got here, he wants to talk to you. What are you doing up here?"

Goku turned red, pointing to the bathroom. "I was just… going to…"

"Oh, well, I'll tell him you'll be a minute." She turned and started back down the stairs.

"You shouldn't let yourself flush," Vegeta said quietly. "The scars are obvious when you do, the make-up doesn't change color. I'll get my explanation later."

"I'll be home as soon as this vacation is over."

"Home?" Vegeta turned back from the top of the stairs. "Isn't this your home?"

"No. My home is with you. I will be back."

"Hn. Very well." Vegeta continued down the stairs, and headed for home.

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One page! Only one. Maybe I'll do two pages later.

Vegeta: I'm not allowed to be in character, am I?

Jewel: Well… I guess you did accept that a little too gracefully.

Vegeta: \ . / Oh, you think?

Jewel: As rarely as possible.


	33. Goku is a ghost

Yah!!!! Well, sort of. I finally got ahold of a Sprint rep who was actually fairly friendly. (The first one I talked to was downright nasty! And they never did answer my letters.) She credited half of that nasty bill for me, but… well, I was missing a vital piece of info, so she couldn't credit it all. ALWAYS make a note of the name of the person you talk to. *grumps… stupid guy…* Better yet, I have sent off the info for the local access number my friend told me about *Good guy!* and should be able to be online until I get the phone bill. Anyone got $200 I can borrow? J/k. I'll scrounge it up from somewhere. Lemme see, what can I sell on e-bay?…

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Kuroichi washed away the last of the make-up. _She never noticed. Not once. I never realized how little attention she paid to him. Or the rest of them. Not until I had to become him again. I know he felt… overlooked, but I never realized how right he was. How right I was. Without orange and blue… Goku doesn't exist._

He pulled the binders back over his wrists, sighing with satisfaction, and shimmied into the tight black pants. He pulled out one of the crimson shirts - a loose mesh - and regarded it a moment. _No, I've had more than enough of loose clothes. Where's that… Ah! I swear Vegeta got this one two sizes small on purpose…_ The silky shirt fitted like a second skin.

"Kuroichi."

"Master?"

"You promised me an explanation."

"Yes. Do you know what happened to Goten?"

Vegeta frowned. "He told me. He couldn't understand why you…. Oh. I see."

"I couldn't risk him getting hurt like that again. Those… Bulma made them special for her. You know how well these work… those are stronger."

"Stronger?!"

"She was stronger than me when I wore them. Goten… that he even made it here wearing them… it had to have been sheer desperation driving him." Kuroichi sighed. "I say I… but I never wore those. I remember what it was like to wear them, to be under her control, but they aren't my memories."

Vegeta walked up to him, leaning comfortably against the taller man. "You were - are - Kakarot, no matter how you deny it, Kuro. It shows more every day. You are hiding your feelings behind a mask, only it's a blank one this time, instead of a smile. You play the role of two people. I watched you, saw the pain you kept pushing away, how hard you tried not to break down. It's not so easy to be Goku anymore, is it?"

Kuroichi wrapped the prince in his arms, toppling them backwards onto his bed. "Goku is nothing more than a ghost. A figment of imagination. That's all he ever was. No one, except Goten, ever saw him. If they could, don't you think they would have realized it? How many of them have I seen since I've lived here? How often? And none of them recognized Goku in me except for Goten! None."

"I knew."

"You knew my chi signature. You told me that yourself."

Vegeta laughed. "True. But I remember, the first thing I thought when I finally pinpointed you wasn't 'Who is that?' it was 'What did that idiot do to his hair?' I saw the scars, but I didn't really notice them. It wasn't until you asked that I really looked at you, and realized just how much you had changed."

Kuroichi laughed, a silent expulsion of air that barely lifted his chest. "How many times had you fucked me then?"

"I forget," Vegeta admitted. "Does it matter?"

"Not really."

"Trunks knows who you are. He recognized your signature, too." Vegeta felt Kuroichi stiffen. "He's known this whole time. That's part of why he's been so angry. All he could see was that… how did Goten put it? You were hurting his mother and his lover, and taking his father away."

Kuroichi sighed, his body going limp. "I've been a selfish bastard. It took Goten to snap me out of it, to remember what being a father meant. And you smacking me around."

"I wondered if that was a good idea later," Vegeta whispered, crawling up a little. "I didn't think, actually, I just heard what you'd said and decided you weren't allowed to become like me. I didn't want you like me. I like you just the way you are." He bit at Kuroichi's neck. "Do you really want to keep talking? I missed you."

----------------------------

Vegeta: Ugh, please, will you stop that?

Jewel: Well, you guys are supposed to be lovers.

Goku: We are?

Jewel: Have you been paying any attention at all to the storyline?

Goku: Well, not really. I knew I was hurt and that Vegeta was helping me. I don't know about being a lover! Am I any good?

Jewel: x.x

Vegeta: Baka.

Goku: What'd I say?


	34. Time Span

Okay, we've been having trouble keeping the timeline straight, so I printed it all out to try and get that figured out for you all. Here's more or less what I discovered, we're in year 9 ½.

Basically, there was the first rape. The second one comes two years later, and Goku spends about a year with Zweb afterwards. By the time Vegeta finds him, he's been a whore at least a year, and it's another 6 months before Vegeta takes him home. 8 years and two months (approximately) have passed (in total) when Kuro redecorates his room. Bulma dies the next year, and a half year later, Goku resurfaces to protect Goten.

Yes, time flies when I have trouble coming up with day to day trivialities, or interesting details… There's only so much one can say about I walked ran into a tree ran into a tree ran into a tree realized I was running into the tree went around the tree walked over grass walked through a stream & had a drink walked through a corn field and ate some of it kept walking walked in sand walked in more sand walked in even more sand need a drink need something to eat don't feel good… that was Goku's trip to Paradise, not very interesting, is it? And his mind was foggy enough by then that becoming Kuroichi was detailed as well as I felt I could manage it - preferably as flashbacks.

I should be back online soon, I think I mentioned that. Now for the bad news: in January my updates will become more sporadic, as I will be back in college, and will only have Friday nights without classes… that will be homework night. (Blech.) That's in addition to my job, by the way. So I'll be a tired puppy most of the time. *Is already wilting* I will swear to do at least one update a week, however, on any one fic that isn't finished.

I leave you with this:

__

All these mixed emotions we keep locked away like stolen pearls

Stolen pearl devotions we keep locked away from all the world

Yes, I do like Savage Garden. J 


	35. Emotionally Damaged Sons

Chat with the reviewers time! And, since I'm out of ink, I have 6pt font from the library, and jumping around to my email. This should be interesting, and I apologize now if I miss someone.

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Tatoosh: Somehow, it doesn't surprise me that you were the first to review! Yes, she did, yes, he does, yes, they are. Vegeta's not good with much except the physical yet. I think. If I'm wrong, do tell me. I need to get that boy to stop sacrificing himself, before he does it for real. *blink* Very male? Isn't this the second time you've said I got something done male style? Hmm.. I must be improving! Yeah, there's been a lot of time passed! More than I'd thought.

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Suisheu: I got a real flame, I know you didn't! I believe Goten sees since he's living it too - his father's miniature. And Trunks doesn't know that Goten knows. If Kuro goes back to Chi-Chi you mean? You'll find out. Erm, yes, she was. Wow! You'd wait a few years for me to finish? AWWW!

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Minna-sama no megami: Kuroku is still Kuroichi, with very vivid flashes of Goku overlaying him. However, Dark Serapha has given me an awesome idea that will take me forever to work out… especially with my schedule changes! About the short chapters… erm, sorry… I write when the kids are napping or right before my face hits the keyboard and I realize I need to be in bed.

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Lady Sakura-chan: have you set up a macro for this story? Have you? J I will try to keep you sending it.

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Agent 182: whooey! Hi! My updates will be getting more sporadic. Holidays, school. Yuck. Update your own self - I got you on author alert! An' ya ain't seen nothing yet. Just wait until I get 300 rewritten… stupid me deleted it.

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The-only-sabi-san: of course she did… and you've read my reviews, they're worse. Yeah, I guess the peek was kinda blatantly obvious. Was the comforter? A real mov…. *blink* *several more blinks* aw, now I'm crying.

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Dr. Spleenmeister: for some reason, your name scares me. Wicked, not evil? How unusual! There is more lemon coming. I have my orders from DS. Besides, she said I could maybe bribe Neko with more chapters, so I can read the latest for In'lar-Anth. Technically, with such long A/N's and short chappies, can it really be a long fic?

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Neko-jin Rogue: THIS IS A BRIBE. Beta read and post, will ya? PLLLLLEEEEEAAAASSSEEE? An' you ain't the only one wondering what's gonna happen now. Certain people have to find out about the original beatings. Scary!

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DarkSerapha: Okay, I'm writing and reading notes taken during chat… may all go awesomely. This is… my only update for Saturday! Update your story! Please please oh wait… that was above.

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Vegeta looked up, a slight change in his lover making itself known. "Kuro?" He pulled away, sitting back on Kuroichi's thighs to look at him. He blinked. _What just happened? Was… what… I don't understand. I thought…_His mind tumbled restlessly a moment longer. "Kuro… ?"

"Master?" Kuroichi's hands moved to the hem of the shirt, wriggling to get it pulled up and over his head. He looked up at his master, at the angry, disappointed look on the proud face.

Vegeta sucked in a startled breath, meeting those soulless, lightless eyes. Eyes that had only recently been fighting back tears, had been full of hurt and pain, and no little despair. _Master… _He sighed, and rose. "I will come back… later." He walked to the door connecting their room, pausing just a moment before he closed it tightly behind him.

_I did something wrong again! No… no nononononono… I don't want beaten again!_ The slightest hint of fear crept into the dark eyes staring at the closed door. _Master… what did I do? You've never… left me. Not after saying you wanted to take me._

Kuroichi leapt to his feet, throwing a look around the room. Spotless. _What did I do? What was it? No more… I can't bear another beating from him… not again… and he will. I've displeased him badly enough…_ He grabbed up his discarded shirt and pulled it back on. Sheer terror lit the dark eyes then, realization setting in. _No! I shouldn't have done that! He missed me, wanted to… nonononononono… it will be so bad._ He crumpled at the foot of the bed, eyes squeezed tightly shut, curled around himself. The thin whine, a terrified whimpering, was the only noise he was capable of making. He'd been a fool, he would be paying for it.

Vegeta, on the far side of the door, rubbed his forehead, listening to the whine. _He's afraid of me again. I've never… unless…_ A sudden savage light lit Vegeta's eyes as he leapt to his feet and yanked the door open.

Kuroichi heard the door open, tried to stop the keening from his throat. As the measured steps came nearer, he forced himself out of the ball into a considerably more submissive posture, biting through his bottom lip in a desperate bid to stop his noise. His terror returned threefold when he felt the needle prick his arm.

"No no! Master, please no! please, not that, please no no no! I'll be good I swear I won't do it again I won't I swear please… not that please Master, please I'll be good," he wailed. He couldn't run, the foot planted firmly in the middle of his back held him in place. Tears rolled down his cheeks to mingle with the blood from his lip, dripping to the white carpet below. "Master I won't… never again, please please no no!"

"You'd rather I beat you?"  
"Yes, yes, please! Beat me, break me please I'll be good. I won't ever do that again. Please, Master, anything but the needle!" he whimpered, going limp again as the needle was removed. He held back his screams when his world erupted into fire and pain, determined that this time his master would not be displeased by his cries. He'd known he would be beaten, punished for his stupidity, punished for the keening he'd been too weak to stop, the tears he couldn't hold back. _I will… be… silent. _His body jerked, bones shattering. _This time… he… will be… proud…… of… me._ He fell into darkness.

"Why are you crying now, brat?"

"It's nothing."

"I could hear you all the way down the hall."

"It's nothing, Vegeta. Nothing. At all. Not important."

"My house has been filled with emotionally-damaged Sons," Vegeta complained to the air before taking a seat on the bed and pulling Goten into his arms. "Now, tell me."

"It's stupid!" Goten answered, though he burrowed readily against the other man's shoulder. "I'm stupid. I knew it would happen, it always does, and it's not going to get to me this time! Not again. I know it always happens. Always. And I…"

Vegeta couldn't make out the rest, muffled by sobs and his shoulder and the fist Goten seemed intent on shoving down his own throat. He merely pulled the demi-Saiyan into his lap, offering him the comfort his father refused to take. _And he takes it so readily, too. His father still shies away most of the time. But to get the information I need, he needs to calm down. I wonder if throwing him through the wall would work faster? He might get mad enough to be coherent then. And why do I have a house full of emotionally-damaged Sons, anyway? Next thing you know, Chi-Chi will be here because her baby is here, Gohan will have had a fight with Videl, and Pan will be here to try and get Trunks to marry her again. Gah!_

Goten's sobs were quieter now, and his hand now clutching Vegeta's arm rather than being stuck down his throat. _Good sign._ "Well, whelp?"

"I hate him. I hate him, and I love him too much to leave…. Why doesn't he want to let everyone know anymore? Why do I still have to hide? I thought it would be bad, before, but I don't live with Mom now, I'm here, with him, and you know and don't care… but I asked him to tell everyone and he won't… he said… he said he liked having… having his own private whore… and then…." The sniffling grew louder again, the hand moving back to try and choke back the sobs again.

Vegeta's hold tightened involuntarily. _Trunks would dare say that?_ "Tell me what happened."

Goten managed to collect himself, laying bonelessly against Vegeta's shoulder. "I've been so happy, here," he said softly. "So happy. Being with Trunks, not having to hide what we are. Not here, because you knew. But… we've never told anyone else, no one at all."

"I take it you asked him to?"

"At the party, the girls, Pan & her friends, and Bra's friends… they were all flirting with him. He flirted back, he always does. It always happens like that, and I always feel jealous, and hurt… I feel like he's ashamed of me. So afterwards, I told him I wanted us to let everyone know." There was a very long silence Goten spent chewing on his fist again.

"He said no?" Vegeta asked finally.

Goten shook his head, rubbed at his eyes. "He … he said that he didn't want to let everyone know, that he was fine with the arrangement we have now. He said he liked having his own… private whore to play with." His fingers dug into Vegeta's arms. "We've been lovers since I was fourteen… I thought we were… but… I don't mean anything to him. Nothing. All those years together, and Kuro means more to you than I ever have to him. I thought he loved me. I asked him if he didn't love me anymore, and he…" He broke down again, incoherent.

"Said he didn't?" Vegeta guessed. _I thought the boy loved him!_

"No." Goten bit down again, but he'd forgotten to put his fist back in his mouth and got Vegeta instead. Vegeta yelped and dumped him on the floor. Goten stayed where he'd fallen, not even trying to move to a more comfortable position. "He said of course he loved me, I was his most prized possession." His voice, choked as it was, was dull, lifeless. "He said he loved the way I felt under him, loved the way I cried out his name, loved my body and my loyalty and that I am so emotional. He said he loves to play with me."

"That doesn't sound like Trunks!" Vegeta objected, before noticing the bruise that had been hidden by the long sleeves of Goten's shirt. "And this doesn't look like something he'd do to you!"

Goten yanked the sleeve down. "Sparring," he said. "We still spar, I got a little battered up last time."

"And this?" Vegeta picked the younger man back up, sliding the sleeve to reveal the chi binder beneath it. "Why are you wearing these?" 

Goten blinked down at the wrist Vegeta held. His eyes went blank as he went limp, collapsing into the man who held him.

"Oh, wonderful," Vegeta muttered. "He's just like his father!" He lifted the boy gently, turning to lay him on the bed. He removed the chi binders, with the intent to obliterate them. The wounds he revealed said more than Goten's words had. "TRUNKS! WHERE ARE YOU?"

Angry, Vegeta went in search of his son.

"There you are! What did you do to Goten?" Vegeta yanked Trunks from his seat at the kitchen table. "He's tried to kill himself!"

"He did that when Kuroichi told him his father was dead," Trunks snapped, trying to get free. "Why do you think I hate that bastard? No one makes Goten cry!"

"No one but you?" Vegeta shook him. "He's up there now, passed out from crying so much just because you want a private whore!"

"A pri-" Trunks stopped fighting. "Good gods, he took that seriously?"

Vegeta dropped him. "Apparently."

"Wait a minute - if you were with Goten, who was with your little pet? I thought you were fucking him."

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Jewel: Tada! A longer chappy.

Vegeta: Yeah, sure. I'm a sap.

Goku: Hey, why can't you post it?

Jewel: Error 718, at the moment. I've also had errors 721 and 691, although the last one's the scary one.

Goku: Why scary?

Jewel: Cause it's the one that says either my userid or my passwords wrong, and I know the id's right. I don't remember changing the password, and they don't give those over the phone. So if it's that, I've got a round trip drive of just over 100 miles to get it!

Goku: I'll fly you.

Vegeta: And just how do you plan to get to her world?

Goku: Instant Transmission!

Jewel: Um, Goku? You do realize that anime and non-anime only cross in movies, right? Or fanfiction, come to think of it.

Goku: Really? Wow! *pause* Does that mean I can't fly you?

Jewel: Yes. Baka. Why do you act so dumb?

Goku: Well, everyone expects it.

Vegeta: He's right. The few times he does use his brains, he's usually in battle.

Goku: Well of course. Everyone knows I can fight.

A note: Some nutfuck cut the fiber lines that provide internet service for my area Saturday morning. That's why this post is late. And yes, since I've had a bad couple of days, that's why the boys did too. I take it out on them. (Of course, they're the ones I'll apologize to, and DS, cause that one expected a lemon….)


	36. Don't leave me

Hello boys & girls… mostly girls, I think! Welcome to the next installment of the little fantasy I call Unforgivable. I believe we left Goten crying his eyes out, Trunks getting dropped on the floor, and Vegeta in shock. Oh, and Kuro's in pain. And yes, I will be dipping into Goten's head again.

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Vegeta watched Trunks run down the hall to Goten's room and disappear inside. He sighed, turning toward his own room. For a moment, he paused outside Kuroichi's room, listening to the soft moans from within. _No, I will not check on him. I already know…_ He sighed, continuing to his own room. He threw himself on the bed, wondering what was wrong with his son's relationship to his pet's son. And then shook his head. That was not right!

Slowly, slowly, he was making it. He whimpered, moaned. Almost, he sounded like he did when his master took him. But Master had beaten him. Had beaten and beaten and beaten, snapping bones and destroying flesh. And left him with the warning to be ready to serve. A senzu had been dropped four feet from where he lay. Master had told him, get the bean and take it.

He focused all his thought on the bean, getting to the bean. He had to be ready when Master came back. He heard the steps in the hall, heard them pause outside his door. Desperately, he reached, moaning painfully as his injuries protested, unable now to stop the soft cries. His fingers, some battered, some broken, managed to clutch the bean. He fumbled it to his mouth, a tiny keen of desperation sounding as he realized he wouldn't be able to chew it. Somehow, he gagged it down, his wounds beginning to heal just as the footsteps continued past his door.

He rose, stripping the bloodied rags from his body. He mopped up as much blood as he could before dropping the ruined clothes in the trash. He pressed the button on the console, ordering up some cleaning bots, then stepped into the shower. Ice cold water poured on him, washing away the blood that had congealed on his body. He was blue, shaking with cold, before he got out, but he was clean.

The robots had cleaned the room fairly well. He didn't see anything more than a faint discoloration in the white carpet. He dressed, then knelt by the connecting door, waiting for his master's call.

Goten heard him come in. He stayed where he was, curled up in the small chair in the corner of the room. "Goten?" He didn't answer, carefully pulling the binders back in place, watching as the deep red darkened. "Goten, please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

The lights came on, chasing away the shadows. "Goten." He gazed sightless as his lover knelt before him. "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean it."

"Mean what?"

"To call you a whore. You aren't. You're not! I love you, Goten, so much that it hurts. It kills me when people hurt you, I make sure they never want to again, but I don't know what to do now. I hurt you so much, I know I did. Dad told me you were crying. I thought you knew I didn't mean it! You are not my…" Trunks choked. "You aren't my private whore. You're my best friend, my lover. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He didn't move, didn't acknowledge what the other had said. Trunks leaned forward, wrapping his arms around the younger man's body. "Please, Goten, please. Forgive me. Forgive me."

"Why? You mean it when you said it." The soft, dead voice didn't sound like it could come from Goten. "You told me you loved how I felt under you, how I screamed your name. You moved on me, made me scream, just so you could hear me. You made me feel dirty, used. You made me feel worthless, even more worthless than my father. Someone values him."

"Goten!" Trunks looked up, blue eyes wide with shock and anger. "I'm sorry! I am. I didn't mean it like that! Yes, I love the way you feel when we make love. I love to hear you scream for me, love to hear you call my name. But there's more to you, to us!, than just physical pleasure." Trunks pulled back again, looking into Goten's eyes. "I love you, do you understand? You. Not just your body. I love being able to go and train with you, to spar, talk, watch a movie or the sunset." He slid his hands down Goten's arms, clutching at his wrists. "Don't you understa…"

He looked at his hands. "GOTEN! Oh, gods, please not again! Not because of me!" Trunks yanked the chi binders off his lover's arms, baring the reopened wounds. "No! No, no no…" His chi flared, sealing the cuts. "Goten…"

He leaned forward, pressing his lips firmly against the other's unresponsive mouth, his hand cupping the younger one's head, kissing until at last Goten began to respond. "It's you I love, Goten. You I can't live without. I'll tell the world, if that's what you want. Don't hurt yourself again… don't leave me!"

His mind worked sluggishly, as he planned the changes that would need to be made to please his Master. He would not fail again.

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Vegeta: I beat him? I thought I was with Goten?

Goku: I think I hurt.

Jewel: Hey, I'm having a little bit of trouble here. That *points* was supposed to be a lemon. Do you see any lemon?

Goku: *looks around* I don't see any lemons. Or lemonade.

Vegeta: Can I beat him again?

Jewel: Feel free.

Vegeta: *begins beating Goku*

Goku: OOOOWWWWIIIEEE! Stop it!

My apologies, people. There was supposed to be a lemon. Really, there was. It just… went thataway! *spots the elusive lemon and takes off after it*


	37. My Master's Wishes

I am. I know that I exist. I know that I must please, and I know that I have failed. My body aches from the memory of the blows, the memory of broken bones, split flesh, spilled blood. My body aches, but I am whole. Master saw to it that I was healed so I could serve him. I wait for his summons, I know it will come. It is Master's time.

I displeased him. I will not do this again. I will not be disrespectful. I will not speak to him as an equal. I will not attempt to take the lead in our encounters. I did these things, and I did wrongly. My body is so cold, so cold. I am frozen in place, waiting for my master to summon me, for there to be a reason for my existence. I waste air, space, food, water, until my master's summons gives me a reason to be.

I review my Master's habits as I wait. I know what he likes, dislikes now. I will perform to the best of my abilities. I … do not wish to die. I do not care if I live, but I do not wish to die.

He has ordered me to eat, drink, sleep. To keep our two rooms tidy. To be ready to massage him when he is done training. I am to serve him meals, snacks. I should always have a snack of some sort ready and prepared. I should be ready for him if he wants me. Anytime, anywhere, anyway. I should be prepared. I realize I am not.

The ice terror grips me, but I move quickly to correct my oversight. I must be prepared at any time. It does not take long. Soon, I am back, kneeling, waiting. The master is beyond this door, but I have not been called. I wait, in the bright, colorful room my Master cannot stand. I imprint on my mind the need to make the room more comfortable for my master.

I look at the carpet just under my nose. White. It shows the blood too well. Master said so. He wants a darker color, something the blood will blend with. I know he means to beat me again. He has told me. He will beat me, punish me for living. I do not deserve to live, but I am not allowed to die. I may not kill myself. The Master has told me I am not worthy of living, but forbade me to end my existence. When he tires of me, I will die. He will kill me.

I wait, patient, on my knees. I hear his footsteps, hear as he leaves. Soon, I feel the vibrations that mean he is training. I rise. I have much to do before he returns. My Master's wishes must be met.


	38. Confused & Numb

I am making a change here, to first person pov's, for however long the fancy strikes me. When I need to be a bit more vague or detailed, of course, I'll go back to the other way.

Oh, I have no shout outs today, though I know I should. I have gobs and gobs of reviews, just can't get them properly marked, so will deal with them all later.

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I don't even pretend to understand what has happened. Kuroichi… he's gone. I don't know who this broken shell is, but he's not my Kuro, and he certainly isn't Goku. I fucked him senseless, and even so, he cries. The tears are streaming down his cheeks, his breath coming in soft, shallow gasps. He's asleep, but he cries. It is worse now than when I first found him. What has happened?

And his room - dear gods, his room. I came back from training, knocked at the connecting door. He was waiting beside it, head down, on his knees on the carpet. The new carpet. It is the color of blood, dried blood, a red so dark it is nearly black. The walls are the same, the covers over the white chairs. His bright red bedspread replaced by a dark, reddish brown one. The bookcases and furniture are painted black. The pictures are gone, the candles, the throw rugs, pillows, cushions. All gone. The windchimes are missing, the beaded curtains replaced by black blinds. The few plants he'd brought home from his vacation were missing. The few things that had been Goku's, the photos, the dragonball, they were gone as well.

I took it all in, looked down at the man kneeling by my feet, and asked him what the hell had happened. He told me that he knew I could not stand the room, so he made it better suited to my tastes. His voice was dull, dead, afraid.

He was afraid this morning, before I found Goten. Why? I don't understand. I haven't done anything to him… well, except for fucking him nearly senseless every night. But up until now, he's enjoyed that, participated. Tonight… oh, yes, he responded. Responded just like a trained animal to its master's commands. There was no undercurrent of feeling like there was just a few days ago. I wasn't very happy about that, said so.

He was terrified. I could see it in his eyes. He redoubled his efforts to please, but I could feel the fear streaming from his body, feel that he forced himself to do what just two days ago he was initiating!

My mind drifts, as do my hands, gliding over his scarred body. He has been with no one else today, I would have smelled it. Trunks had said that he was, I knew better. I had, after all, left him in a very aroused state. He'd been scared, yes, but we both knew he had been trained to enjoy pain, fear. His moans hadn't surprised me at all when I'd paused outside his door, but I had not interrupted his relief. I've seen him do that before, seen what he had to do to himself, and I'd no intention of ever watching again. I'd rather fuck him senseless. And once I'd gotten accustomed to his new room, I'd proceeded to do exactly that, in his bed.

Something else was bothering me though. I could almost swear I could smell blood. His blood. And not on him. I stroked him one last time, slipped from the bed. This smell… seemed recent. Frowning, I tried to trace it.

"Goten, you know I love you. That I'd do anything for you. Why do you keep hurting yourself? Don't you want to stay with me?" His voice is pleading as he finishes cleaning the blood from my body. I let him. But I couldn't answer, couldn't do anything but stare at him with wide, wide eyes.

"Chibi, please. I… I was stupid. I swear to you I didn't mean it. It's just," he sighs, pulls me close. "Goten, you know how badly my father and I get along, how hard I've always tried to please him, to make him proud of me. I always fail. I don't know why I said that to you, I didn't mean it, but I know I was thinking that if my father could have a private whore, I could to. I'm an asshole, Chibi, and I beg your forgiveness. Please, Chibi, please. Forgive me, love me. Don't hate me because I'm as stupid as my father says I am, please?"

His pleas are beginning to penetrate the numbness that invaded my system with the first cut of the knife. I can feel him trembling against me, feel his tears running down my neck from where his face is pressed, feel his lips moves as he begs for my forgiveness, my love. Maybe he really is as stupid as his father says. Doesn't he know that he has my love, unconditionally? My forgiveness, always? I do not take my pain out on him, after all. I never have. I always take it out on myself. Those little cuts wouldn't have killed me, not even with the chi binders in place. If anything, those had provided enough pressure to keep me from losing more blood than I did.

"Of course I forgive you, Trunks," I hear myself say. I sound so far away. My hands lift to stroke across his cheek, through his long hair, down across his back. "I love you."

"I'll tell everyone, Goten. Tomorrow. First thing," he babbles at me, capturing my lips again. I respond because I know he wants me to. I respond because I want me to. But I feel nothing. I can't. I am still frozen inside, and so, so tired. I tell him so, that I am tired. He swoops me up, depositing me on the bed, undresses me.

I see him wince at the bruises, and I wince when he traces them lightly. Those hurt! He kisses each and every one, promises to be more careful when we spar. He strips quickly, turns out the light, joins me in the bed. I am pulled against his long body, curled into him as he curls around me, protecting me. Tonight, he does not try to initiate anything. Tonight, he holds me, whispering tender words of love, caressing me gently until at last my eyes close and darkness takes me.

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Yeah, yeah, short and no lemons. Are we more thoroughly confused yet, or are my subtle clues becoming a bit more obvious? I think a few of the earlier ones may have been a bit too well hidden, only 2 people picked up on 1 each, and one of them decided they were incorrect after all. *eyes the most frequent reviewer who noticed said detail*

Oh, and Rogue? In'lar is what I was talking about, but don't worry on it until you're better. I can wait.

And as for the needle, well, the answer to that comes later.


	39. Deception

I am making a change here, to first person pov's, for however long the fancy strikes me. When I need to be a bit more vague or detailed, of course, I'll go back to the other way.

Oh, I have no shout outs today, though I know I should. I have gobs and gobs of reviews, just can't get them properly marked, so will deal with them all later.

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I must have cried again. The pillow is damp beneath my face. Master does not like it when I cry, but I cannot control what I do in my sleep. I am not sure if it matters or not though, because he is not with me. Not this morning, nor any other morning of the last day of each week. I am to have my day off today. I must become Goku, and go home to his wife in order to save his broken son.

Yes, Goten is broken. I can tell. He is not so badly broken as I am, and his breaking was not as painful, but I can tell. There is a hollowness in his eyes, a deep buried pain that only others who have been there can see. He has a harder time concentrating, though his attention to his mate nearly matches that of mine for the subtle clues that tell me what my master wants. He has tried to kill himself again. I wonder if his mother knows?

I go slowly through the routine of the morning, slipping from my bed to take a shower. The hot water feels nice, I suppose. I no longer know. Once I am clean, I carefully cover the scars that mar my face before pulling on the orange and blue outfit that stand for the lies I lead. My hair I shake out, allowing the spikes to form instead of pulling them back into the ponytail I have worn since my hair grew back out. I force the smile to my face, examine how I look in the mirror.

I do not want to do it, but I raise two fingers to my forehead, the heavy sadness in my reflected eyes causing me to shut them as I reach and jump, finding myself in the bedroom my happy counterpart once shared with the woman still sleeping on the bed. My false smile dies as I look at her, at the room. She is getting old, the room is no longer as well-maintained as it once was. I do not believe she has all that many more years to live, and I find myself wondering if I will be able to continue my deception - for it is a deception, isn't it? - until she does.

Her hair is now completely grey, her body frail and weak. And I, I am Saiyan, no matter that my mind, my body, and my spirit have been broken, and I am barely into my prime. I look more like her young son than the husband the same general age as she. Or perhaps a grandson, really. I have not aged much at all, and been dead more times than I really care to think. You can't age when you're dead. The slight smile that graces my features then is real.

I must put my mind in the proper state for this role. I am not stupid, I never have been. But, I have been unaware, innocent, and I have lost much of my memory. I focus carefully, looking into the mirror as I concentrate on getting my smile just right, to make my eyes light with joy and laughter that I do not feel. It takes a little more time this time, each time I must assume this role it takes longer.

At last, I feel like I will pass as the man I once was, and go to wake my sleeping wife. She pulls me happily into the bed with her.

I am going to be sick. I hate this part, the meals. She fixes the amount I used to eat, and I must force every bit of it down. I'll throw it up later, while she is cleaning the house, but for now I must keep it down. My stomach hurts so badly, but I force the last three plates in anyway, before heading outside to train while she cleans up the dishes. I bolt across the lawn to the trees, and retch my guts up. Not until then do I rise into the air, waving to where she stands in the kitchen window.

I move easily in the air, my body twisting and turning in the familiar patterns, the punches and kicks fluid, the spinning turns. I allow myself to ascend, again, and again until I am at the third level, my hair now as long as my brother's once was. My brother… I stop, hanging in the air. Raditz. I have not thought of him in years.

Slowly, I reach back, grabbing a lock of hair, pulling it forward. The golden blaze is a far cry from my brother's black locks, but the rough silkiness is the same. I remember holding him, his mass of hair getting in my mouth as I called for Piccolo to kill us both. I can remember his scent, too. He was blood and cinnamon and savagery, rough heat and sex. Complex.

I land, still staring at my hair, wondering why I have chosen now to remember that I helped kill my brother. To remember that never once did I consider reviving him. I have spared and revived Vegeta, but gave no thought of doing either for my own bloodkin. Why does this bother me now? I shake my head, allowing the form to drop. The lock I hold recedes until it is nothing more that another black spike.

I make all the right noises when I go inside, Chi-Chi smiles happily. I have so far managed to not make her screech at me. And, it appears that she has invited my surviving friends over again. I wonder absently if they can truly be considered my friends, since they don't - or won't - recognize me without this stupid uniform on. I wonder absently what they will do when I reveal my scars, when I drop the loose clothes to reveal my Master's crimson and black. But that… that will not happen today. They stay until after lunch, another meal I give to the trees.

My son has come over to chat, home for the evening from his grueling schedule at the teaching hospitals. He gets only today, he tells me, and will not have another day at home for two more weeks. We talk aimlessly of nothing much at all. He does not want to discuss his job, and I will not discuss mine. We settle eventually for Pan, and her current boyfriend. He asks if I have heard about Goten moving in with Trunks, about them being a couple. When I tell him how long I have known about that, he falls out of his chair. I hear dishes crash to the floor in the kitchen, and spend the next several hours tuning Chi-Chi's voice out. That skill, at least, is one I have not lost. She is still screaming at me when I return to my Master.

And then it is time for the other ritual. The clothes come off first, I bundle them up carefully and put them back into the capsule where they belong. A long shower is next, removing all traces of the make-up I have worn, the smells of Goku's home. The unscented soap and shampoos I use work well, my Master long ago made it plain he liked _my_ scent, not perfuming cover-ups.

I towel out my hair, brushing it back savagely and securing it with the leather thong. My hair does not like to stay back, and my Master will release it as soon as he beds me, but it is something that he enjoys doing, so I continue to tie it. One day, I will not. But that day is not today. I move to the closet, selecting from the crimson a tight mesh shirt, from the black, even tighter leather pants. I choose to remain barefoot.

I open the connecting door, swiftly tidy up the few things that have gone astray. I lay out fresh towels in the bathroom, his favorite robe. Next to the bed, I arrange the oils I use to massage him after he bathes. A bowl of fruit and a tray of sandwiches should serve him well for a snack, I check to make sure the milk is chilling and that he does have cookies.

I return to my room, and ensure that everything is where it belongs. Only then do I kneel next to the connecting door and bow my head. I know I will spend the next several hours in this position, waiting for my Master's call. I am home early.

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	40. I need to be beaten

_"Leave me."_

"M… master?"

"Leave me."

I curl around myself, whimpering. Again. Again. Again. Master has thrown me out again. What am I doing wrong? I am, I know I am. He is displeased, disappointed. I could tell. It was in his eyes, in his voice. I could hear his disgust. What have I done? I tried to please him. I've been trying all week, and all week he has sent me away.

I cannot think. I have done everything perfectly. Obeyed every order, gone to his bed. And he sends me away. Why? I have tried everything, haven't I? I know so much about him, know the things that please him. Why can't I please him? Why is my world spinning out of control again?

I fear him. Each time he sends me away, I expect him to come and beat me again. Beat me for my failure. Beat me because I cannot please him. Because I am so stupid that I cannot figure out what I'm doing wrong. I am so stupid! He used to always say that. Low class baka, a fool, stupid, ignorant, simple.

He is right. I am stupid. I must be, or I would know how to make him happy. I would know what to do to please him. I would… I would… I'm stupid. That's all there is too it.

I curl under the thin, dark blanket. It will not show the blood so well as the bright one did. I threw it away… I couldn't get the stains out. It was warmer, but I deserve this thin one. The dark colors, I deserve them. I deserve to be beaten. I just wish he would hurry up and get it over with. I can feel the tremors that wrack my body. Cold, and fear.

And I am terrified to face him tomorrow. He will kill me. I didn't want it to happen, I swear I didn't. But it did. And… I could… I could… I could take care of it. Before he finds out. I could do that. Couldn't I? I can do that, can't I?

No. I can't. I can't leave the room. I can't. I… won't. It is not my place to change anything. I am the slave, I may make no decisions. My master must decide. Perhaps this time, his fury will be so great that I will finally die of the injuries. Perhaps this time, there will be no bean. I only have one, tucked into the bag at the bottom of the box at the far end of the closet. Perhaps I won't be able to get to it. Perhaps this time, I won't try.

I wish he would come. I need to be beaten. I need him to kill me.

Why does he send me away? What did I do wrong?

He… was not angry. At all. Sad. Disappointed. But not angry. But he sent me away again. Brought me to the peak of ecstasy, made me scream for more… and sent me away. What have I done wrong? What am I doing wrong? My tail is thrashing now, I have no control over it at all. I used to, when I was… a child. When I was someone else. When I was who I first pretended to be. When I truly was Goku.

I watch it, curling, twitching, smacking into the floor, the mattress; feel it when it smacks me. The sting is sharp, quick, leaving behind a dull ache. It feels good. When did I begin to crave pain? I no longer remember. My tail is in a frenzy now, lashing about. The pain is greater, the ache no longer dull but blazing. I seem to have regained some control, the only thing I hit now is myself. I give myself the beating I know I deserve. I pull myself from the ball I have curled into, allowing my tail free access to more than just my back. It is torture for me, my tail lashing viciously against my unprotected body, but I need to do it, I need to… 

Red welts rise all over my body, a few of them are even bleeding. The pain is intense, the pain from my tail even more so. I think the force of the blows has broken some of the bones. My knees weaken, I fall, landing heavily on my hands, but I do not allow myself to stop my self-inflicted pain. I will continue this until I understand. Until I know. Until I must become that other once again, the simple, smiling fool. Tears run down my face, I ignore them. I will…. I must muffle a cry of pain as my tail whips across my eyes. Most of me is in pain now, and I know I deserve to be. But… a small part of me wants to know why. Why do I need to hurt?

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Okay, 1st pov now over. I'm tired of it. (for now)

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Vegeta leaned back against the satin covered pillows on his bed, listening absently to the soft music playing on the radio. Kakarot had his tail back. Kakarot. Goku had never had one, that Vegeta had seen, and Kuroichi certainly didn't. Far too subservient to be a proper Saiyan, and with the tail, well… Kakarot. Right?

_No. He is still that… thing. Not Goku, not Kakarot, not Kuroichi. What happened to him, anyway? I understand that Kakarot became Goku when he lost his Saiyan memories. I understand how Goku became Kuroichi. I do not understand why - or how - Kuroichi became this… toy. An unfeeling thing that morphs into Goku once a week._

No, that's not right. He is not unfeeling_. I'm not sure what he is. Desperate to please, certainly. Immaculate. Completely subservient, completely willing to do, or try to do, anything I might tell him. He ate Bra's cookies! Kuro would never do that, not after I got him to that first time. He flat-out refused. And, Kuro was enjoying our time together. He'd initiate if I didn't. This… puppet he's become… only reacts. There's no true participation. He withdraws, somehow, being distant while still doing everything he is expected to do. I can tell the difference, but he doesn't seem to even realize what he is doing._

I'd rather have that smiling clown around.

Perhaps I should let him go.

Vegeta sat forward, one knee coming up to be clasped by both hands. His chin rested on his knees, eyes closing as he considered sending his pet back to his wife. _I'd at least have someone to spar… no. He's too weak, physically. I know perfectly well he's ridiculously strong otherwise, but his physical state is precarious. And his mental state…_ Vegeta sighed. _He's far safer with me. He comes back from her each time even more fragmented. If I hadn't given my word that he would have time off, I would confine him to his room again until… until he recovered._

I wonder why his family hasn't noticed? Vegeta stretched back out. Tomorrow, when…he went home, he'd go pay a little visit. Besides, it was damn well time Goten went home for awhile. He needed to face his mother.

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Dark Serapha, you owe me 1209 words. Fork over! J Yes folks, she bribed my muse. He finally got off his ass and gave me a couple ideas. The second idea should show up in the next chapter.

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Tatoosh: Nope, Gohan didn't do any beating. He's too busy with his career to see his family, much less beat up his dad. Um, the ki binders… I've forgotten why he was still wearing them. Something to do with wanting to bleed, but not that much… I'm sorry I got you all confused again. I switched to the 1st POV in part to let everyone in on the workings of the minds instead of just thoughts. Did it work? Oh, bother. I need to work… oh that's right. More Goten in the next chapter. At least, that's what my muse is hinting at. Personality? Well, my muse is considering that, but I don't think so.

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Suisheu: The needle the needle, the horrible little needle… That doesn't come out for a few chapters yet. Mind you, it didn't get used, except as a threat. Yes, Trunks was a dick. I know. Blame him *points at muse, who is busily drawing nekkid Veggie pictures instead of working on the next chapter* Um, nevermind. He's busy. No, the chi rings can't kill Goten, just make him horribly weak. Trunks really does love Goten, he's just a jerk. See next chapter for Trunks' redemption. (I think) Things are not quite so bad as they appear. If anything, they're worse. 

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Dr. Spleenmeister: Who's beating up on Kuro is yet to be revealed. My muse has that all worked out, it's getting to it that's taking him forever. My fics are generally confusing, I apologize. It's the psychological twists and turns, I think. Stop smacking Vegeta! That's my job!

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Neko-jin Rogue: Yes, the Vegeta clan are currently idiots. They'll redeem themselves soon enough. *prods muse - Right? OUCH!* He smacked me. Hmph. 

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Lady Sakura-chan: Of course you did. *smug* I wrote it. Eek, I'm getting a big floaty head… COME BACK HERE! My head just floated away to join my ego. I think they're both coming down as soon as I say one little word. Lemon. *CRASH* See? The elusive lemon is still avoiding me. And Kuro is so broken I don't know if my muse can fix him. But I'm not asking again… he likes to hurt me.

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The-only-sabi-san: Email me your guesses, please. Nutfuck, yes. I'm rather fond of that description.

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Ci: I'm afraid my updating is going to be getting horribly sporadic again. I got my phone bill, and they did not do what the service rep said they were gonna. So I may be netless again next month. *growls*

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Goku Mum: Well, hello! The shot? Ah, yes, that threatening needle. It wasn't used. He opted to have the hell beat out of him. No, Kuro doesn't do the split technique! (cute idea though!) Goten is having issues. I mean, he gets raped by his mom and then his lover for umpteen years says he's just a private whore… yeah. And yes, I know it's confusing. I begin to think my muse enjoys that.

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StaplersBreak: There's quite a bit of emotional - and physical - trauma. I dunno about you, but those for me make for a lot of instability.

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Pixlegoddess: Passive… erm… *checks on muse, sees sharp object, decides not to interrupt* Can't answer that, sorry.

Hi **Manawolf**! Let me know when you can see behind the web of confusion to the story within. Raditz… hehe… don't worry, there's another chapter for his story stirring in my brain. Your pictures are… muse-lightful. The pov thing… I hardly ever do first person, and have discovered it to be a bit hard for me. I'll undoubtedly revert to it again later, but for the next chapter or so, I need to be more of an outsider.

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Hectate 18: Ah, I'm glad you liked the pov change. It's harder for me to write, so I'm glad it worked well. It did, didn't it?

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Shattered Diamond: Oh, thanks for the vote of confidence! I appreciate that.

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Cooey: You read about the time my muse steps up and presents ideas. This chapter came up at 2am, and it took me until after 7pm to get it all down. Yes, there is more. After all, I have a great many problems to resolve - or leave.


	41. Homecoming

Goten nodded. "I'll go home. You're right. I need to face her."

Vegeta nodded. "It will be better if you face her. You know why your father is there."

"He's trying to protect me. To keep her from using me in his place."

Vegeta frowned. The boy's voice was too soft, too emotionless. "What's wrong, mini-baka? You aren't afraid, are you?"

Eyes nearly as blank as his father's often were looked up at him. "I have worse things to fear than my mother raping me again." Vegeta found himself too startled to hide his surprise. A soft, harsh chuckle came from the boy. "I'm no more than a private whore, just like my father. I never even knew." Again, his voice was soft. "Why fear my mother doing what my lover has done for years with my willing assistance?"

A muted gasp. Vegeta looked up to see wide, shocked blue eyes. Only for a moment, and then his son whirled and ran, one hand pressed to his mouth. He frowned. "My son appears to disagree."

"He was the one who said that's all I was."

A snort. "He seems to have changed his mind."

The slightest lift of a shoulder. "We'll see."

_We'll see. What did that mean?_ He watched the two, saw how Trunks stayed close to Goten rather than fading away to mingle with the girls as he usually did. Saw how much more possessive his son behaved toward the younger man, laughingly saying that he preferred Goten's company to theirs. It was not long, though, before his eyes strayed to… Goku.

His hand was behind his head again, a strained smile on his face. Perhaps only Vegeta noticed the strain, the unsteadiness of the laughter as Goku tried to extricate himself from whatever trouble he'd gotten himself into. Krillin was laughing at him, Yamcha nearby trying not to wheeze himself to death. Overly bright dark eyes met his own for an instant, the pain in them making his soul hurt. This was not Goku. This was Kuroichi in a costume. So then, who was it that tried to share his bed?

Again, he looked toward his son, now wrapped around the youngest of Goku's boys. The little circle of people around them had gone suddenly silent, and Goten was looking up at him with an expression of disbelief that morphed into sheer delight as Vegeta watched. So, his son had finally admitted to what he was, and what the mini-baka was to him. His lover.

His eyes strayed again. The smile now was real, tinged yet with sorrow, but real, as the news spread to the circle of geriatrics. Vegeta snorted, knowing he and ... the other fit into that category by human standards. By Saiyan standards, though... _Hn. I wonder? What would we be? So many Saiyans died so much younger than we are, the curse of a warrior race. Then again, we are alive only by a series of miracles and magics. How old do Saiyans live to be? I don't remember ever seeing an old Saiyan... _He dwelt on that for awhile, drawing out of his contemplations only when Chi-Chi's voice got too shrill for comfort.

Vegeta looked up, to find the woman gripping her son, screaming from behind a loose semi-circle of the older people - and a few of the middle-aged ones. Many of the younger ones were looking on in shock, only three siding with his son. And all of those with Saiyan blood were trying to protect their ears. He winced as she got even more shrill, screaming obscentities at his son while trying to thrust hers into the house.

He looked for a bright orange outfit, found the wearer on the ground, both hands clasped tightly against his ears, rocking back and forth. He moved closer as a brief silence fell.

"Chi-Chi, he is my lover. He's been my lover since he was fourteen," Trunks said into the far too brief silence.

"Not anymore." Her voice, formerly shrill, dropped to a threatening hiss. "You won't see him again. Goku and I will see to that!"

"Goku already knew!" Trunks snapped. "He didn't care. He still doesn't!"

"That is beside the point!" Her voice became shrill again. "He will do as he's told!"

"Goten. Come on. Let's go home…" Trunks begged. "Your mom needs some time to get used to the idea."

Goten didn't answer, seeming limp in his mother's grasp. The only reason she was having any trouble getting him in the door was because he wasn't walking on his own, Vegeta noted. Damn the Sons and their passive aggressiveness. If the boy would just stand up to her, there wouldn't be a problem.

"Goten!" Trunks called again. "Come on, honey. Let's go."

The boy's head moved slowly, his eyes connecting with his lover's. He took one step toward Trunks, and his mother shrieked. Everyone clapped their hands to their ears, Goten sagging once more in her grip.

Vegeta approached, pulling him roughly from the woman's arms, cradling him close. "I won't allow you to keep him here any longer. I love him." He floated above their heads, looking down at them impartially, successfully keeping his face straight at his son's open-mouthed shock. "My son has claimed him as mate, I love him as my son," he clarified, his eyes meeting agonized ones. He smiled gently at the relief that filled them, getting an answer to a question he had never asked. A silent communication passed.

Goku rose, slipping into the house before his wife opened her mouth. Vegeta floated above them, ignoring the noises coming from the woman's mouth, eyes on his son. Trunks flew up to join him, taking Goten from his father's grasp. "I didn't think… you would…"

"What? Approve?" Vegeta snorted at the look on Trunks' face. "I'm the one who told him to move in with you, remember? I'm the one fucking his father. Why wouldn't I approve? Take the boy home. He may be delighted that you finally admitted your love, but his mother's reaction isn't helping."

"Daddy…" Goten whispered. "Daddy didn't do anything… I thought he would. I thought he would at least say something…" He pulled from Trunks' grasp, looking down. "But he isn't even there."

"He went inside." Vegeta scanned the gathering. The old ones hadn't the energy to fly, and the middle aged ones, while giving him evil looks, didn't appear to be willing to fight him. Chi-Chi was still screaming. And where had… Goku gotten off to. A blur of bright orange exited an upstairs window.

"Goten!" Goku stopped directly in front of his son, holding something out. "Here. You'll need your things." He gave his son a hug as the gathering below went silent, watching. He gave both Goten and Trunks a hug, waving frantically after them as they flew off.

"He thought you wouldn't do anything."

"I almost never go against Chi-Chi's wishes unless it's related to world saving. You know that." He shot a look at his wife, the woman's face turning a very unbecoming shade of red. "I don't think she's happy with me."

"So leave her."

"I…"

"Your son is safe now, under both my protection and my son's. She won't be able to hurt him again. You know as well as I do that as Goku, you're completely invisible if you aren't being…" Vegeta sighed, motioning at his outfit. "Visible."

Goku hung his head. "I know." His gaze moved to the assembly. "I suppose… I don't know. Vegeta…"

Vegeta dropped back to the ground, Goku following him. Chi-Chi approached, her hands clenched, ready for battle. "I want you to come back home with me," Vegeta said, his voice carrying easily to the gathering. He noticed the woman stumble.

"Why would he? He's my husband! And he's not going to spar with you. We need to have a little… talk!" Chi-Chi spat. "Come on, Goku."

Vegeta held his gaze as the woman grabbed his arm, attempting to drag him into the house. "Kuroichi," he said, his voice velvety, "please gather your things and take us back home."

Goku's eyes widened, the false smile dropping from his face. Kuroichi knelt, dragging Chi-Chi to the ground with him, then pried her fingers from his arm. He entered the house, coming out a few minutes later, the make-up washed from his face. Shocked murmurs ripped through the crowd as he walked to Vegeta, ripping off the orange and blue. The sunlight showed the scars on his upper body clearly, and reflected off the crimson vinyl playing the part of a second skin to his lower half. His tail, no longer confined by clothing, lashed behind him as he knelt again before Vegeta. "I am ready to go home, Master."

"Come then. Take us back." Vegeta held out a hand to Kuroichi, who took it, raising two fingers to his forehead. They vanished…

to reappear in Kuroichi's room. Again, he dropped, waiting his master's whims to be made known. "Kuro…."

"Master?"

"Is this how you feel, Kuro? These colors, do they reflect you?"

"Yes, Master." He didn't raise his head.

Vegeta was quiet for some time, turning slowly to take in the effect of the room again, carefully scenting the air. "Do you know what your room tells me, Kuroichi?"

"No, Master."

"Your room is made up of the colors of death. Spilled, old blood, and freshly turned graves," Vegeta said quietly. "Your room reminds me of my life under Frieza, and I don't like the reminder. I'm going to free you, Kuroichi."

He looked up then. "Master! No! Please, no!"

"Yes. I don't want a… a trained monkey, going through the motions he's been taught. I will free you."

"No!" Kuroichi threw himself at Vegeta's feet. "Please, Master, no! Beat me again, please! Just don't send me away!"

"Beat you again?" Vegeta questioned. "I don't think so. Once was enough."

"Please, Master! Beat me again… break me again… don't send me away!"

"Br… Kuro, what are you talking about?" Vegeta snapped. _What is with him? Beat him again? Why would I? I've only done that once… and someone else broke him, or he wouldn't be begging to be kept. He truly has _no _pride._

"Like you did before, Master. Beat me until I'm broken, bloody. I've shamed you, disobeyed you, made you unhappy. Beat me like before… please don't make wait this time, don't make me wonder when you will come to punish me," Kuroichi sobbed. "Don't make me leave you, Master! I want to be yours! Please…" His voice degraded into a pathetic whimper. "Just beat me instead. Use… use the ne.. nee… needle… this time."

"What needle?" Vegeta reached down, grabbing thick black spikes, and yanked Kuroichi's head up. "You make no sense. I have beaten you once, bruised you. I haven't beaten you bloody, or hard enough to break any bones since you've been under my protection, and I never… oh, wait. I only used needles at the first, to get you fed."

"M…m… master?" Kuroichi could read the truth in his master's eyes. He hadn't been the one who had battered him, leaving him for dead once, and cutting it fine two other times. "Then… who?"

"Who what?" Vegeta snapped. "What are you talking about?" His eyes widened. "That time… when your room was so bloody - you thought I did that to you?" Kuroichi found himself with a face full of irate Saiyan prince. "I DID NOT! I found you, took care of you, and you thought…." He spluttered, too incensed to talk, throwing Kuroichi onto the bed.

"Three times, Master," he whispered. "I was beaten three times. The first time, the night of the Capsule Corp ball, and again recently. I used my last two senzu beans to heal the damage from those. The last time, he came from your room, through the connecting door. He held me down, so that I couldn't see him. He held a needle to my arm… I begged to be beaten… was willing to do anything to have the needle taken away. He left me a senzu, told me to take it, so that I would be ready to serve… sounded just like you… I thought it was…"

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Yes, yes, you were right, it wasn't Vegeta. Happy now?


	42. Two Revelations

Vegeta stared at the man he'd sent sprawling across the bed. He remembered the night of the function, he'd had an absolutely miserable evening. That was the evening, too, when Kuro had begun to fade, and the mannequin began taking over. Recently? He frowned, then realized when it must have been - the day Goten had slit his wrists again. That was when he'd begun acting like a trained monkey. And that first time… he'd been afraid the man would die before he made it back from Korin's Tower with the senzu. Even then… there had been a change. He'd been more obedient, though not entirely slavish.

"You told me it was your fault, that first time."

"I thought it was." Kuroichi slipped from the bed, crawled to Vegeta, his tail between his legs. "I had gone out, and I was beaten as soon as I stepped through the door to my room. You confined me to it… I thought you'd beaten me because I'd left without telling you I was going, or making sure it was acceptable to leave, that you'd gotten done training early and were angry that I wasn't there."

Vegeta closed his eyes. _I thought I had changed. I have always been proud, arrogant, but I thought I was no longer considered evil or cruel. He practically considers me the way I considered Frieza! Have I not taken care of him enough? Not shown him how I love him? I have never told him, but… I thought I could _show _him! Am I truly so evil, and cruel, even now, that I am still just like Frieza?_ Almost without realizing it, Vegeta dropped to his knees, pulling Kuroichi forward, stroking the wayward spikes, trying to soothe them both.

"That was not me," he whispered. "I have beaten you only once since you have lived with me - after you treated Goten the way I have always treated my son. I did not want you to be like me. I love you."

The trembling body he cradled suddenly stilled. Thickly-lashed black eyes lifted to meet his own, shock, amazement, and hope shining in them. His tongue darted to wet lush lips, lips that tried and failed several times in forming the words that followed. "You love me, Vegeta?"

A slight tinge of pink lit dusky features. "Yes, baka. I love you." He dropped his head to capture the lips of the other man, a kiss eagerly returned. He nearly sighed with relief, his Kuro was back. He broke the kiss, smiled when Kuroichi made a little noise of protest. "Ah, pet, we have a problem. Someone beat you. We need to know who. I'm going to kill him."

"Kill him later. Kiss me now." Kuroichi reached up, pulling Vegeta down.

"Our dads are here," Goten said quietly.

"I can feel them." Trunks' voice was a bit strained.

"Are you still mad at my dad, Trunks? I know why he did what he did, haven't I done practically the same thing, living one life for my mom and another with you?" he added hastily, catching his lover's scowl. "Self-mutilation, begging to be dominated, needing someone else to need us for something… even if all we were needed for was sex."

Long purple hair fell around the well-built form of the older demi as he stopped in midair. "Is… is that…?"

Goten stopped as well, not looking back at his lover. "I do love you, Trunks. I've loved you ever since we were kids. We've been together 27 years, more or less. I put on an act for my mother, dating around, making her think that I didn't have a brain in my head as far as relationships went. I knew she wouldn't approve of my love for you. But you were my only lover. For 27 years, you've been my only lover. I know you can't say the same. I lost count of how many times we'd meet, and you smelled of sex with someone else. But I loved you, Trunks, and I was loyal. Even though… even though my heart broke, even though I thought you didn't love me the same way.

"I let myself be used. And every time you came to me, with someone else's scent on you, I died a little more. You've seen my scars, Trunks. I put them there when I was sixteen. And every so often, I'd reopen them. I had to feel a different kind of pain to be sure I really was alive. I'd watch the blood run, bright red, proof I really did exist and I wasn't just dreaming, having a nightmare. Proof that… that I was as worthless as I believed."

"Goten…"

"When my dad left to train Uub, I was abandoned again. I only had him for those few years, but we got so close. We were so alike, and not just how we looked. I could see past his smile, Trunks. I could see the pain he hid, I could see it, and I understood it. Because I was just like him. I was hiding myself behind a happy mask, pretending everything was alright. And finding ways, painful ones, to prove we weren't stuck in a nightmare."

Goten sighed, turned to face his lover. The older demi's head was bowed, shoulders shaking. He watched a tear drop fall toward the ground. "I know you beat my father, Trunks. You promised me you wouldn't, and then you nearly killed him. He would have died if Vegeta hadn't gotten that senzu bean. And I know you beat him at least one other time, I saw the marks where you'd hit him. I don't want to have to choose between you, Trunks. I love you both, so much. I'd rather die than have to make that choice. Please, are you still mad at my daddy?"

"No. Gods, Goten, I'm so sorry!" Trunks threw himself at the younger demi, crying. "Please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that. I didn't know I was." He wrapped his younger lover in a tight embrace. "Please forgive me?"

"Yes." Goten ran his fingers through the silken purple hair. "Of course."

"Goten?" Trunks whispered against his neck, where he'd pressed his shoulder. "It was three times, Goten. When he first got here, I hit him, too. I thought… I recognized his chi signature, I thought he was… I'm not sure. I hit him, to get him away from my father… Mom was still alive, and my father was… was… it was just too much, and I hit him. Father had to put him in the med bay. I hadn't know about the chi binders he was wearing, and I hurt him really bad, nearly killed him then, too. I'm sorry."

"I knew about that one, too. But I didn't think you knew he was my dad then." Goten pressed his lips to his lover's forehead, a brief caress. "It's okay, lover." The tears shimmering in his eyes pooled, running in rivulets down his cheeks. "But we all have new lives now, with each other. Let's… go make the most of it, hey?" His hand cupped Trunks' rear, fingers giving him a quick pinch.

"Let's."

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1207 words! Yea! I finally got this chapter done… I've only been working on it forever. Now… *sits back to ponder* do I want to do the Chi-Chi dies of apoxoly (can't spell it and my spell checker only tells me apology) scene, the Chi-Chi gets over it and turns to Yamcha for support scene *looks at that idea and has a sudden, evil urge*, the Chi-Chi invades Capsule Corp. in search of husband & son scene, a double lime (you know it can't be a proper lemon on ff.net!) *examines that idea with a bit of interest*, or should I just skip to Vegeta finds out Trunks nearly killed his lover that first time? Or… do I need a scene where we get clues about who did the shower and Vegeta's room beatings… OOOOOOH! Drat. The possibilities, the possibilities. Whatever shall I do? Besides take about 3 weeks to update, that is?

Vegeta: You could stop writing the story.

Jewel: What for?

Vegeta: Because I don't want to be Kakarot's lover.

Goku: Why? Aren't I good?

Vegeta & Jewel: *groan*

Vegeta: *ignoring Kakarot's idiocy* And because I don't want my son with his spawn.

Goku: Hey! That's not nice, Vegeta! And they love each other.

Vegeta: About as much as we love each other, baka.

Goku: You love me? Awwww, 'Geta, and I never knew! *glomps Vegeta*

Vegeta: ARRRGGGGGGHHHHHH! Get off me you fool! *shoves Kakarot away from him* I do not love you and I will never love you.

Goku: *looks disappointed* Oh… okay. I'll… leave then. *walks away dispiritedly*

Jewel: *blinks*

Vegeta: *stares after him, mouth agape. Turns to Jewel*

Jewel: It wasn't me!

Vegeta: *returns to uncertain, bewildered staring. Starts muttering under his breath* Didn't mean what I thought he said. Didn't mean what it sounded like. Nononononono… can't possibly… can he? *louder* I'm going to go get drunk now.

Jewel: Yeah. Have a few for me.


	43. Saiyan lay

Yes, I did manage to get a few of my reviews read before I had to leave internet land again. However, me mum is allowing me to use her phone line occasionally (I caught up one of my 7 emails….), so this chapter is compliments of a comment left by Tatoosh. You see, I had to agree. You can't live in a situation like that for so long and have it magically turn around. Not in rl. You just… get tired. And this is an angst fic, not a happily-ever-after-fairytale. *makes note to go check on Kuro for the next chapter*

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_"Self-mutilation, begging to be dominated, needing someone else to need us for something… even if all we were needed for was sex."_

_"I do love you, Trunks. I've loved you ever since we were kids. We've been together 27 years, more or less…._

"I let myself be used. And every time you came to me, with someone else's scent on you, I died a little more. You've seen my scars, Trunks. I put them there when I was sixteen. And every so often, I'd reopen them. I had to feel a different kind of pain to be sure I really was alive. I'd watch the blood run, bright red, proof I really did exist and I wasn't just dreaming, having a nightmare. Proof that… that I was as worthless as I believed."

His mind repeated the words he'd said, over and over. Goten sat uncomfortably, watching his lover sleep. _I need to be needed. You need me, don't you, Trunks? You need to beat me. _He turned his attention to the blood dripping from his fingertips. The small scars were open again, but they weren't so little this time, or as shallow as usual. Bright red dripped onto the black silk of the sheet, blending into the wet spot.

_I know that's what you need me for. You can get sex anywhere. You do… you have. You don't need me for that. You don't need me to stroke your ego, everyone else does that. You've proven more than once that loyalty means nothing to you… so you don't need mine. You don't even need my love. But… those are all I have to give you. My body, my heart, my soul. Me. I'm all I have to give… and you don't need me. I need to be loved, too. But… you, you don't love me. You use me._

__

You hate my father. I know you said you were sorry. But you hate him. I meant it when I said I'd rather be dead than have to choose between you. I can't take any more hurt. I can't take any more lies. I said… we had a new life, together. I was wrong. I knew it when I said it, had it confirmed when their energy spiked and you angry and said you weren't… just wanting me…

Isn't this proof? You got what you wanted. You got to pull me into your lap, tell me everything would be alright, that you loved me. You got to fuck me until I couldn't scream anymore. I got a moment of peace, of hope, before the lies started. I got to be used, again. Hurt, again. No more, Trunks. See this blood? It tells me I'm real. That I didn't just dream what just happened, that it wasn't a nightmare I can wake up from. It proves that you don't care enough about me to hold me after you've fucked me raw. All I'm good for is a lay, Trunks, a Saiyan lay… where you don't have to hold back at all. That's all you need me for. I'm your Saiyan fuck toy. I hate it.

See the bruises? You gave them to me. Not in our spars, not in training. You beat me when you fuck me, because I can take it the way your human lovers can't. I've got broken ribs from where you squeezed to keep me still while you fucked me. Haven't you ever thought that maybe I screamed too much? That it was more pain than pleasure? How many times have I had broken bones when you finished with me? Fractured ones that stayed together but still hurt like hell? How many times have I fallen back onto the bed and had to force my shoulder or my hip back into place because you dislocated them?

How can you just fall asleep when you leave me in so much pain? Don't you care about me at all? Have you ever? Have you ever realized that you hurt me when you fuck me, not when we train?

Look at the blood, Trunks! It tells me that soon, it will all be over. No one will hurt me again, no one will be able to abandon me, ever. Everything's not alright, Trunks. It hasn't been for a long time.

I wish you loved me like I love you. I don't want to hurt you. But just this once, I have no choice. This is the only way I can make you see what you've done to me… I just wanted to be needed… to be loved…

Goten sighed, settling carefully against the pillows, one arm pressing against his broken ribs. He hadn't bothered putting his hip back into place this time. The pain was just another reminder of his worthlessness. The blades were tucked behind the mattress, fastened to the headboard. They'd been there for twenty years, Trunks had never even noticed. Just as he never noticed when Goten had used them, until recently. "You'll notice this time, Trunks. I'm not hiding this time. I just… don't want to hurt anymore. Twenty-seven years is too long… and I'm too tired, too hurt…"

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Trunks: NOOOOOO!

Jewel: Where did you come from?

Trunks: You can't kill Goten!

Jewel: Why?

Trunks: He's my best friend in the whole world! You can't just kill him!

Jewel: Yes, I can.

Goku: You won't will you? *patented Son puppy eyes*

Jewel: Who do you expect to save him? His so-called lover's fast asleep, and his dad and his lover are probably still going at it like crazed monkeys *is interrupted*

Vegeta: I DO NOT FIND THAT AMUSING!

Jewel: *scowls, finishes* and he wants to die. Who do you expect to save him?

Trunks: His mom!

Goku: Me!

Vegeta: … You wouldn't!

Jewel: *blinks in absolute astonishment, smirks* I didn't know you cared!

Vegeta: I don't. That's my point.

Trunks: DAAAAD!

Goku: Vegeta… he's my son!

Vegeta: I do not care.

Goku: *bursts into tears and runs away*

Trunks: *goes back to trying to talk Jewel into letting Goten live*

Vegeta: *looks after Kakarot, starts looking spooked again*


	44. Forever

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Tatoosh: No, long reviews will not get you banned. Ninny. I like long reviews, they tend to go in depth about things that I have either screwed up, overlooked, or done in such a way as to truly affect my readers. That last chapter even got a non-macro out of Lady Sakura-chan for once! *is extremely proud of herself for that one* I may have over-bad-guyed Trunks… he really isn't a complete ass. Anyway, he's not supposed to be… And he begged so prettily that I've decided to save Goten. All I need is the proper who… *evil grin* "A story is not just an exploration of how characters might walk the maze of events in their lives but a dream, a wish, hope for the triumphant solution of the maze." I like this, it's very true. However… considering my dreams, it is also quite terrifying. 

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Suisheu: Yes, Goten is following in his father's footsteps, in a way… he's hidden everything away so well that he's not capable of talking about what's wrong - except with Vegeta occasionally - so he's going to extremes to get away from his pain. "I know, I was expecting too much this time when everything took a good turn. *sighs* but fics aren't meant to be based wholly on life as it is... one could always hope." I know, I know, they aren't supposed to be wholly based on life, but if they aren't at least partially grounded in something real, they don't make a lick of sense. I'm glad you liked the depth and insight of personality *my muse is currently strutting his stuff*, but you don't need to cry for Goten… okay, maybe you do, but he will live. Once I find him a rescuer.

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Lady Sakura-chan: *boggles* There's a comment! A comment! Wow! *grins hugely* I got a why-I-liked-it comment out of you! *marks said miracle down*

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Everyone else: You're all getting lumped together because I don't have enough space, and a lot of reviews dealt with:

A bit of confusion over the beatings. So, let me reiterate: Trunks has confessed to beating Goku 3 times - when he first arrived (for being involved with his father while his mom was alive), after he got back from the mall the first time (he made Goten cry), and the time just before Goten came in looking for Trunks because his mum wanted to talk to him (for screwing his dad before his mother was even cold), and Vegeta admitted to once - for treating Goten like he'd treated Trunks for so many years. That leaves 2 beatings to be explained, the one in the shower, and the one where the assailant came from Vegeta's room and sounded exactly like him, which Vegeta swears he didn't do. Kuroichi is used to being beaten by his masters for failing to perform to their expectations, Vegeta is his master, so he believed that Vegeta did all the beatings except the two he knew Trunks did. You all clear on the explained beatings and why Kuro thought Vegeta did most of them now?

Let's see, what was I going to do with this chapter again? *wanders off to think* I got another Vegito fusion card. Vegeta must be the rarest one… and Gohan the most common. I've got 3 or 4 of Gohan now, 2 Gokus, 2 Vegitos… and not one Vegeta! *goes to find Vegeta so she can slurp on him* Actually, he tastes even better when mixed with Gohan….

* * *

Has anyone noticed that Vegito looks a lot more like Gohan than anyone else? Erm, sorry, you wanted story…. The a/n's already a half-page long.

* * *

Kuroichi purred, his whole body a sensitized mass of nerves, supercharged by the fingers ruffling through the fur of his tail. He was completely unable to move, to talk, his eyes half-lidded, sprawled face-down in Vegeta's huge bed. His purr only intensified when Vegeta asked him if he was enjoying himself, an act that caused the prince to laugh softly before dropping the tail. Kuroichi's mewl of disappointment quickly turned back into a purr as the prince snuggled down next to him, sighing with content.

"If I'd known the only thing I needed to do to get you back was tell you that, I'd have done it long ago," the prince confessed.

The purring broke off. "Huh?" The expression on the slowly raised face was pure Goku confusion, which set Vegeta to laughing again. Kuroichi, mostly still lost in a sensual haze, pouted. "What's so funny?"

"You are, Kuro." Vegeta wiped a tear from his eye, he hadn't laughed quite that hard in… a long time. "You looked so like Goku just then…"

"He's dead." Those words were so flat, so sure, and the purr didn't return when Kuroichi resettled himself in a coil of limbs around the prince.

"Yes, Kuro," Vegeta said, a little sadly. "There can be no doubts, this time. Goku was well and truly killed when you revealed yourself."

"Then why sound… upset? You have me now… forever. Isn't that what you wanted?"

Vegeta was quiet, trying to decide how best to answer that. At last, he opted for the truth. "It is, and it isn't. It is both incredibly complicated and so simplistic that I am not sure how best to explain."

"Go for the simple answer."

"I wanted to kill him." He could feel Kuro withdraw. "Ah, but that is the simple answer, Kuro. You forget, I never called that clown Goku."

"Kakarot. You wanted to kill him."

"No. I… I wanted Kakarot. Wanted him alive, well, and…" Vegeta sighed. "I wanted him to respect me as his prince, as he should. But it was always Goku who answered me… Goku who considered me an equal and a friend, a convenient sparring partner at very near his own level. Kakarot… his memories were well and truly gone, everything about our people forgotten. Only our lust for the fight remained, and that was tempered by his loss of memory and the simple fact that he'd become Goku, instead."

Kuroichi waited. The silence became charged with his tension, he finally broke. "You… never… wanted me?"

"I wanted to kill Goku. Even after he became my friend, I wanted to kill him. I wanted him to be Kakarot, a true Saiyan, I didn't want a simplistic, easy-going child in the body of a Saiyan warrior. When… when I lost my memory, I began to love him. When I regained my memory, I hated him worse than I ever had. I raped him, beat him, nearly killed him. I left him to die. I thought he would. I think I even hoped he would. He disappeared, instead, and I learned that I missed having him around."

Vegeta sighed, stroking his fingers through Kuroichi's wayward spikes. "I started looking for him. A year later, he returned… only to disappear again. And again, I found myself searching for him. Instead, I found the man he'd become. I found you. I miss the spars with… with Goku. I miss watching him eat like there will never be food to eat again. I even miss his smile and his laugh. I am sorry that I will never know what Kakarot really would have been like, had he retained his memories. I have you, I love you. It does not matter that you may never regain your Saiyan memories, or that you were once someone I vowed to kill. I love you." He smiled as he felt Kuro relax against him, the tail that had held a death grip around his thigh relaxing to begin stroking along his leg instead. "I want you, Kuroichi. Forever."

* * *

And on that bit of mushiness, I end this chapter. I know it's short, but if you read my live journal, you will discover that my muse, who was all full of ideas when the chapter began, was traumatized by a bad musical & having his playtoy taken away. My other muse is also traumatized, refusing to come out of the bathroom. So's you know, I will not be updating again for awhile - I've a week of tests and then back2back weekend classes.


	45. More than Blood

Hey all. I know I said I wouldn't have time… and I really should be studying for tonight's test (or doing Monday's homework, which still isn't done in spite of the extra week to do it in, or Tuesday's, same scenario) but I've had this floating around in my head for a couple days now (today's Feb. 19th) so I figured I'd better try really hard to get at least the outline down, and I know if I do that, I may wind up with a chapter.

I look pretty silly today. I'm annoyed. My hair started out doing just what I wanted it to - I've got a braid down either side of my face and most of the rest of my hair pulled up in a high ponytail. That part's still all good. It's my bangs… they were supposed to go up and fall over, which they did - until I got out in the wind. Now I look like a poofball. Oh well. It's not like…. Um, yeah. Even if he notices, he won't care… (See _Pray like you know him_, chapter 3, for an explanation on that.)

Oh, do any of you read FictionPress, or do you all stay over here on FanFiction? If you slip over to fp, check out olena. Her latest comedy (as of this scribble) is adorable, cute, funny, and so why I write yaoi. It's called _Why do I write this crap?_ or something like that. Go read it, you'll love it!

Everyone: Have you forgotten that Goten's gotten into the habit of wearing chi suppressors like his father? No one is surprised when his chi drops.

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Theme song for this particular chapter? Goten's playing _Gunning Down Romance_. (Savage Garden)

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He knelt in front of the stereo; his father's CD set to repeat one particular song. Tears streamed down his cheeks. His fingers clutched his hair, his elbows planted against his chest, head bowed as he rocked himself. His hip nearly killed him, but he wanted hat pain. He'd reopened wounds that had finally closed. He hadn't wanted to stop bleeding. The flow was slower, the cuts not quite as bad.

He knew though, that the blood would stop. He knew when it did, this time he would go to the dresser, open the drawer, and eat the bean that waited there. He knew the scars would be faint, that his broken bones would heal, the bruises would vanish. It was always that way. But he wasn't ready just yet. He was still hoping it would end.

He was so wrapped up in his misery that he didn't notice the other approach until hands rested on his shoulders, comforting. He turned, his arms slipping around a trim waist, his head resting on the bare thigh, his weight shifted entirely onto his good leg. The tears on his face were stroked away. "You're bleeding."

"I know." He rubbed his cheek against firmly muscled flesh, hot against his skin. "I want to."

"To die?" A soft laugh. "Or to hurt? You don't need to bleed to hurt."

"I bleed to know I'm real. You wouldn't understand."

"I do." The figure knelt, pulled Goten close. "I know, little one. We share more than blood. We share pasts that we hide, pain we don't want anyone to know about. I've heard your screams… I know the difference between pain and ecstasy. I have… felt both. Rape… it is… never fun."

"He doesn't rape me."

"He does. But you love him, so you tell yourself you let him do it. That you let him hurt you. That it doesn't matter when he turns away from you, not noticing or seeming to care how much pain you are in, that your bones are broken, that your body is bleeding, that you feel so cold." Warm hands ran over the boy's cold skin, trailing over the scar where his tail had been removed. "You act like it doesn't matter the next day that it hurts to stand up straight, that you can barely walk, and that sitting nearly kills you. You go back to him each night, hoping that this time, he will show that he cares about you… and you cry yourself to sleep when he just uses you instead. When he rapes you."

More tears spilled as the truth in the other's words penetrated. "Yes…"

"Your ribs… and your hip." Those wonderfully warm hands had discovered the injuries Goten had said nothing about.

"Broken, dislocated. I have a senzu in the drawer."

Hot flesh drew away from cold, returned. "Eat it."

Goten obeyed, relaxing again into the heated embrace, his skin slowly absorbing the other's warmth. "I love him so much…"

"I know."

"It's been… twenty-seven years. I never told anyone. I hid… what I was, what he did to me. I didn't want anyone to know… I didn't tell anyone that we were lovers, even. "

"You told Goku."

The boy sighed, pressed closer. "I thought it would help, if he knew that I loved Trunks… but it didn't. I thought maybe he would talk about what was bothering him so much. But, he just… withdrew more. He was glad that I had Trunks, I know that. But he always had this sadness when he looked at me. Like he knew what I hadn't told him. About the beatings and the pain that came… it wasn't always like that. I remember when it was beautiful… when it was fun."

"You didn't tell him when the pain started, when the fun ended. You didn't tell anyone."

"I couldn't. Dad… my daddy was becoming someone else. All his smiles had stopped being real. I never really truly realized that until I found him at the pool. I was going to tell him, ask him how to cope with it. I didn't want to lose Trunks, but I… I didn't want to hurt anymore. He'd been in a fight with Mom. When I found him, he was crying. He didn't know I was there… I got up close enough that I could make out what he was saying… and I left before he knew I'd been there.

"He was so in love… but it wasn't with my mother. He was crying so hard, because he couldn't be with him, couldn't even tell him because of his commitment to his family." Goten sighed. "I heard him say that it would be better to be his love's slave for the rest of his life, than to keep killing himself so slowly, not ever being able to say how he felt."

"Goten…" The embrace was fierce. "Goten… your father would not have believed that for long. His spirit was broken when… when he was raped, shattered when his wife turned on him, destroyed he was told he was a fool to believe he could be considered beautiful."

"No." Goten shook his head. "No, he wasn't shattered by Mother turning on him. He was shattered that his loyalty to her had been for nothing, was believed to really have been nothing. All those years he'd spent with her, returning to her even from death, being demeaned for not being very smart or holding down a job and never having been to school, all of that meant nothing when he forgot to say that his daughter was adopted. That's what shattered his spirit. I know. For twenty-seven years, I thought Trunks loved me. I lived for him, I never was with anyone else, even after I found out he was. I did what was needed to keep our relationship a secret because that's… that's what he wanted. 

"I never really understood why, he never would tell me. He said that he was tired of pretending to just be my friend, that he wanted to tell everyone. And then, all the sudden, he wanted it to stay a secret. Then he said I was nothing more to him than a private whore. And I knew. I knew how Daddy felt whenever his love called him a stupid moron, a low class fool. I felt like that. I'd told all these lies, lived a different life, just like Daddy. I'd placed my loyalty with Trunks, even before my family, even though he hurt me… and it meant nothing. He… didn't care. I didn't matter. All the years… meant nothing. I thought… when he told everyone… I thought things would be different. But they're just the same, except now everyone knows I belong to him. They know I lied… all this time."

Strong arms enfolded him, shifted him to sit in the other man's lap. Gentle kisses were lightly placed, tears wiped away. Goten pressed against the solid chest, his own hands reaching up to clutch the man's shoulder's, sobbing quietly. "I miss Daddy."

"I know. But he is dead, Goten. Nothing can ever bring him back. All that survived of him was his love. And that, you still have."

"I know. But… I miss… I want my daddy…"

"Shh." Vegeta scooped Goten up, carried him back to the bed. "He still loves you, very much. That love carried over. Kuroichi would never have played your father's part otherwise." His tone got slightly harsher. "Don't lie to me about your bruises again, boy. I'd thought they were from sparring. I'd just… hoped so much that I was wrong… hoped so much that another Saiyan wasn't going through what your father and I did. I had heard you scream, but I believed you. I wanted to believe you. I wanted to believe my son couldn't be as bad as the men who ruined my life and helped ruin your father's. I wanted to believe he was better than I am. Than I was." He brushed a light kiss across Goten's lips. "I… expect you to tell him."

"I will. I promise." Goten reached up, locking his arm around Vegeta's neck. "Vegeta?"

"Yes?"

"Why… why did you come? Tonight?"

Vegeta chuckled. "I wanted to play a song for Kuroichi. And you, whelp, had swiped the CD. Your father is the best thing about me… just as you are the best thing about Trunks. Never forget that, Goten." He allowed himself to be pulled down, accepting the lingering kiss his lover's son gave him.

"I won't forget, Vegeta. Thank you." Goten settled quietly against the pillows, watching as Vegeta removed the CD and slipped from the room. "I won't forget."

Twenty-seven years worth of habit didn't break overnight. Goten soon found himself on hands and knees, scrubbing furiously at the blood marring the floor. Occasionally, he cast a glance at Trunks, ensuring that his lavender-haired lover was still soundly sleeping. _More messy than I thought, for hardly being able to move. I wonder how much longer… no. No. I promised Vegeta. I promised to tell. Maybe… maybe tonight, I shouldn't clean it up. Maybe this time I should… should just leave the mess, let the bots clean it later. Let Trunks see what I do… Maybe that would be best?_

He sat back on his heels, one hand still moving to mop up the blood he'd spilled. Slowly, he rose, going to sit in the chair, turning it to face the eastern windows. He huddled into it, shivering. _He's going to be upset with me. Mad maybe, because of the mess. I've been through that before, him being upset because I cut myself. This time… this time, I have to tell him why. I promised._

His eyes closed, his troubled mind finally drifting into sleep.

"…dare you!" He woke to a stunning blow, topping from the chair to the floor. More blows, kicks to his unprotected stomach. He tried to curl up, tried to protect himself. "You want to die so badly?" 

He rolled, one arm already useless, broken. Ribs cracked in response to the savage kicks. His mind numbly registered the words, the anger; his instincts kept him moving to avoid as many of the blows as he could. Most hit. More bones broke. He knew he should be screaming, but he couldn't hear anything except the sickening thud of flesh on flesh and the sharp cracking of his bones. At last, it was over. He lay in a broken heap, barely able to breath. There were more words, angry ones that came as if from a great distance. He understood them, his soul screaming in pain as the meaning burst over him.

Boot heels thumped across the floor. Something scraped, then the sound of the boots coming closer. He gagged on the bean the other thrust in his mouth. "I want you to remember this. I loved you. I really did. I loved you so much I even stood up to your mother for you… and all you did was try and kill yourself again."

Trunks was gone before he got his shattered mind and scattered wits back together. Goten got unsteadily to his feet, blinking back the tears he didn't dare shed, looking around the room. He'd have to get his things. His things… which were all still in the small capsule in the pocket of the pants next to the bed. The other four changes of clothes he had here were down in the laundry room.

He dragged the clothes on, moving quietly to the dresser to pick up the only other thing he owned. He popped the capsule only long enough to add the photo to the rest of the junk before leaving the room. His stop for his other clothes was short; he did nothing but grab them up before slipping out the laundry door. Only a few minutes later, he was airborne, a fast vanishing speck in the sky. _I'm sorry, Vegeta. I couldn't keep my promise._

He crept into the room, carefully putting his things away. Some things, he returned to the capsule. They weren't anything he needed, but things he wasn't yet ready to give up. And when he was no longer able to stall, he crept back down the stairs.

A meal waited for him on the table; he ate it mechanically, slowly, barely tasting it. He put his dish in the sink, washed the dishes. Slipped outside to cut the firewood. Moved from that to weeding the garden. Went to the market, put away what he'd bought. Ate again. Cleaned the dishes again. Put them away, laid a fire in the hearth.

He sat silently through the tirade that finally broke, not offering to defend himself or his father. His head drooped lower and lower, his shoulders slumping more than they had been. At last, it ended, and he whispered a quiet assent to the demands made before silently making his way upstairs. He laid on the bed. Dry-eyed, he stared at the ceiling, nails biting into his palms, waiting for his punishment to begin.

"I haven't seen Goten around," Kuroichi yanked another shirt on. "He usually comes in once a day… Trunks tie him to the bed?"

"Trunks went on a business trip. I imagine Goten went with him," Vegeta replied, his smile slightly strained. He spent a moment to examine the effect of the latest outfit he'd told Kuroichi to put on, the smile becoming a sexy smirk. "You've finally filled out enough to look good in that."

Kuroichi snorted, striking a provocative pose. "Do you think so?"

Vegeta pinned him to the bed. "I think it'd look better off."

Pure Goku laughter filled the room, a mischievous twinkle in the sparkling black eyes. "But, Vegeta, you're laying on top of me! I can't possibly take it off!" The phone rang, both men ignored it, continuing their play. By the twelfth ring, both were glaring at the annoyance. "I better answer it," Kuroichi decided glumly when it rang again. "No machine, and I don't want you breaking it!"

He picked up the receiver, purring a hello as Vegeta continued to tease him. A moment later, the purr was gone, and his eyes had hollowed. Tears formed, began slowly sliding down his face. The handset dropped back into its cradle. Kuroichi bit his lower lip, then threw himself on Vegeta.

"What's wrong?"

Kuroichi said nothing, weeping so hard he could barely breathe, much less speak. Vegeta spent a considerable amount of time trying to calm him down before repeating his question.

"My son…" came the whisper, "went back to my wife." Haunted eyes lifted; long, drenched lashes seeming even more dark against the sudden pallor of already pale skin. "He said… he would… wouldn't be… Trunks' whore anymore. He didn't… want to be beaten so badly again. He… said… his mother… isn't…" His eyes darted away, teeth digging into full lips as he tried to keep enough control to tell Vegeta what Goten had said. "His mother isn't as cruel when she rapes him… and he would… would…"

Vegeta gathered him close, crooning gently as his lover dissolved into incoherency again. There was no need for the shaken man to complete the sentence: Vegeta understood. Goten had taken his father's place. His own eyes dampened as the full truth struck him. His son was worse than he had ever been. Trunks had driven his lover, and forever friend, away. He cradled the man he'd spent years trying to defeat or kill closer, offering all the comfort he had to give.

He knelt before the small stone, sorting through the remains of his former life. He'd never expected this. Never thought things could go so wrong. But they had. And he… he had to choose.

Slowly, two piles formed. Orange, dirty but still bright, and stained blues. A tear-stained photograph. A single, glowing orb. A few items carefully deliberated over, then set aside. The black mesh shirt his lover had liked so well, a favorite T-shirt, some leather pants. The small notes he cherished so dearly, a single silver chain. All these he set to one side, his heart wracked by the decision he knew he was making.

He undressed slowly, his hands clinging hopelessly to the last gift his lover had given him before things had gone so horribly wrong. Only for a moment did he allow it, his hands releasing, letting the clothes fall with the others he'd set aside.

The stained, weighted shirt was too heavy for him; he sagged beneath the weight. The dirty orange gi was torn, bloodstained, loose on his frame. He wrapped the belt tightly around his waist, deliberately making it uncomfortably tight.. Weighted cuffs replaced chi suppressors he tucked absently into the belt, weighted boots the soft shoes he'd put aside.

He encapsulated the few things he was keeping, securing that capsule in his belt. The other capsule soon held the rest of the items; he placed it beneath the engraved stone. "Rest in peace," he whispered, a single tear slipping down his cheek as he read the inscription. He turned, looking to the city. "Vegeta… I'm sorry."

He shot into the air, heading again to the small house he'd been sure he would never return to. He walked in, expecting heated words, recriminations, anger. He got silence. His presence wasn't questioned. She'd merely looked at him and put another pan of food on to cook, another plate at the table.

He sat quietly, ate what she served him, waiting. The meal was consumed in silence. He helped clear the table, dried and put away the dishes she washed. Finally, the waiting ended.

"Why are you here?"

"This is my home…" he answered uncertainly, "… unless… you don't… don't want me here."

Chi-Chi turned to look at him. He knew well enough what she saw. She saw a tired man in dirty clothes, a beaten, defeated man. "You came to me? Why? Did he beat you?"

He hung his head, ashamed. "… yes."

"Why?" There was no true concern in the question, and it took him only a moment to realize she wasn't asking why he'd been beaten.

"Please… I… I haven't got anyone… I…" Not knowing what to say, he extended his hand. In it were the suppressors he'd brought with him. "If not… if not as family…" he forced out, "then… as…"

She reached out, and his hand dropped, empty. The last hope he'd held drained from his eyes. "Go clean up. You know where to go after that."

"Yes." He made his way upstairs, pausing outside one door. His hand reached out slowly, turned the knob, let the door open. The room beyond was bright, cheerful. Teddy bears lined the bed, a toy dragon rested on the dresser. Carefully painted ceramic dragonballs surrounded the dragon. Pictures of family and friends lined the walls, were scattered here and there on the desk, dresser, bookshelf. But… the scent of despair hung heavily in the small room. Goten's room. He closed his eyes, pulling the door shut. "My prince…" His lips formed the words, but no sound escaped.

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Vegeta: *sighs*

Jewel: *grins* Five rewrites later!

Goku: Ahhh… that part with Vegeta was sweet. An' thanks, Vegeta. You really are a good guy.

Vegeta: *smacks Jewel's muse*

Muse: *sketches furiously, holds up picture*

Vegeta: EEEEEEEEEEE! *flees*

Goku & Jewel: !!!

Jewel: Destroy that!

Goku: I want a copy!

Jewel & Muse: !!!!!

Goku: *grins* I can use it for blackmail.

Jewel & Muse: *.* !!!!

Goku: You don't think threatening to show that to Bulma would keep Chi-Chi from screaming at me all the time?

Jewel & Muse: *huge sighs of relief*

Jewel: Come to think of it, threatening to write a story based on that would keep Vegeta in line pretty well too.

Muse: *nods* But don't ask me to help with it.

Other muse: Me either. Domination is not my style. Especially that kind!

Jewel: *grins* Ah, I'd lose all my readers for that one. *sticks idea in non-museable file*

Aww… _Unforgivable_'s up to 56 pages now! (70 with author notes and commentaries) And for those of you who read my lj, this is not the version that would have been posted. This one, one and a half rewrites later (Goku: Are you sure? Jewel: NO! Shut up!), is better. There's an element or two I'm still not completely happy with (Muse: WHATTTT!), but obviously, someone else considered it acceptable. (Muse: *frowns, looks over chapter. Begins to look thoughtful.) Although, by the time it gets posted, it may have been revised yet again. *goes back up to review part she isn't sure of* There! That's so much better! (Feb 24). *more rewriting* (2/29)

Me apologizes profusely for the delays! I'd hoped to have gotten this chapter out, couldn't, and wound up rewriting it about another four or five times before the final version finished up the 29th! I'm a lot more pleased with it, I finally managed to get Vegeta to sound like he should've. You know, one of these days, I'm going to have to get around to redeeming Trunks….. And we are now on another revision of the former revisions… 3/10... I want to post, dammitall!

Oh, Dark Serapha! NICE pics! I plan to dl them asap for my private collection. *huge cheesy grin* (3199 words, excluding commentary)

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	46. Nightmares & Memories

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Tatoosh: What? Why is it you always must think the worst of me? *pause* Hmm… no, don't answer that. I suppose I've trained you to expect it.

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He sat up, gasping in pain, wild eyes darting around. He settled slightly, recognizing the room for his own. "Just… just a dream," he whispered, voice shaky with relief. The coppery tang of blood penetrated, he looked down at himself. Bloody welts crisscrossed his body. "No!"

Vegeta jerked awake, in Kuro's room before he realized what had awoken him. Green eyes gazed in dismay at the other man. "I… I…" His hair faded back to black as he walked to the bed, one hand reaching to not quite touch the other's chest. "I did this?"

Kuroichi shook his head, trembling, a bloodied hand held before his face. "No… no. It wasn't you…"

"Who then?" The soft voice was venomous. "Who did this to you?"

"I…" Kuroichi lifted unhappy eyes to meet the prince's. "I think… I think I… did it."

"What?" Vegeta dropped to the bed, examining the welts that covered Kuroichi from head to toe. "You couldn't have. These are whiplashes. I've seen enough to know that - your tail would have left bruises, large welts, but not thin ones like these."

"I dreamed it. I dreamed… being whipped. Punished for failing." Kuroichi's hands fisted in the sheet. "I… failed."

"Shh…" Vegeta rose. "You haven't failed. Come. Let's get you cleaned up." He lead the younger man into the bathroom, washed him tenderly. "They are not deep… not as bad as some of the wounds you've had. Tell me the dream."

"I…" Kuroichi sighed. "I took my things, and I went to the grave. I went through everything. I took off… the clothes I was wearing, and put others on. I kept the photo, the dragonball. I kept orange and blue. I cried as I dressed. I felt so… betrayed. Something had happened, something… bad. I went back to her house. There was nowhere else. She…" Kuroichi frowned. "She took me in… but not as her family. As her slave. This," he motioned to the wounds, "this was part of my punishment. But I… I didn't feel… like me. I…. Why would I dream that, Vegeta?"

"Goten," Vegeta replied softly.

"Despair," Kuro whispered. "I remember. His room… I could smell it. He's hurting, Vegeta."

"I know." He pulled the younger man against him, caressing his back gently. "And we can't help."

"Can't we bring him home?"

Vegeta was silent for a time. "How did you feel when you returned to the pool, after I raped you?" he murmured at last.

Kuro blinked, leaning into the prince's comforting warmth. "I… didn't really think about it. Goku always went there. Whenever he was hurting too much to hide it anymore, he'd go there. He spent hours at that pool, just skipping stones, letting his mind go completely blank while tears ran down his face, waiting until he could hide how much it hurt… and then he'd go home. The first time… he just washed off the after effects of a fight and went home. Nightmares for weeks afterwards that he couldn't remember clearly when he woke. Nightmares that just got worse, until he was afraid to sleep, because he was beginning to remember what he dreamed. Blood, and pain. It wasn't until after… after he found you that he realized it wasn't dreams, but memories, and then everything came back at once. But the second time… shattered, broken, betrayed. When he went back, his dreams were gone, his peace was gone. There were only the memories of the pain… the hate… the…" His voice trailed off. "Oh. I… understand. I understand. He wouldn't want to be here, not where…"

Vegeta waited, again silent. But it seemed his pet wasn't interested in revealing more. "Where what?"

"It's nothing…"

"Kuro?" Vegeta leaned back, lifting the other's chin gently so he could look at the downcast eyes. He frowned. "Where what, Kuro? What happened? What… what did my son do to him?"

"I…" Black eyes lifted, caught a glimpse of the look in Vegeta's eyes, and dropped. "He beat him. The day after he claimed him in front of everyone, he beat him nearly to death, then gave him a senzu. Told him he didn't want Goten to die by his hand but if he wanted to die by his own, that was fine. To be gone when he got back from his trip. To get it right, or leave, he didn't care as long as he never saw Goten again." Kuroichi drew a shuddering breath. "He told me to tell you he hadn't been given the chance to keep his promise. I'm sorry, I'd forgotten that."

Vegeta rose to his feet, pulling Kuroichi up with him. He checked the bandages he'd applied, and led the younger quietly from the bathroom to his bed. Only after he'd tucked himself under the sunny lemon comforter next to his pet did he speak. "We will go get him. I will make the arrangements tomorrow."

"Thank you, 'Geta! OUCH!" Kuroichi whimpered a bit as he redistributed himself after hugging Vegeta exuberantly.

"And I will keep the nightmares away," Vegeta promised softly, "so that this will not happen to you again." He lay back against the pillows, his pet curled contentedly against his side, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. _My son… even he was not that cruel. He hurt me, broke me, turned away when I was in pain. His disregard… I always knew that he didn't truly care about me, that I was nothing to him except a willing, eager lay who could take the pain he liked to give. The monkey prince no one else could touch without risking life or limb, submitting to his desires without a single word of protest, only words of love. I loved him as much as I loathed him, as much as I hated Frieza. And in the end… _Vegeta ran his fingers through the soft hair fanning across his chest. _In the end, I had to choose… and I chose to live. And to live, I had… to kill him. _

His former lover's face, twisted with hatred and anger, disbelief and pain, shock that he had lost and was dying - that face haunted him. _I do not think I care to sleep tonight._ Vegeta looked down at the sleeping Kuroichi. "I pray your son and mine not go through the same pain."

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Tatoosh: Hmph. As if I'd send Kuro away from Vegeta! You shoulda knowed better! J But, there is still crapola to be dealt with. I got one set all more or less straightened out, inserted some more clues on that aggravating thing everyone's trying to figure out, (except DS, who gave me the idea) and must now leave for awhile.

Trunks: But… but…

Jewel: Eh? You're back?

Trunks: WHAT DID YOU DO TO GOTEN???!

Jewel: Oh. Him I sent home to his mummy.

Trunks: *incoherent spluttering, powering up*

Jewel: *hastily* Note that I've made arrangements for his removal!

Trunks: *still powering up*

Jewel: Um… you want me to do a reconciliation?

Trunks: *meep* Er… *hair goes back to purple* Yes?

Vegeta: WHAT!!!!!!

Trunks: I got to go! *runs from irate father*

Goku: I don't get it. What's wrong with them?

Jewel: *ruffles his hair* Sometimes, luv, you got to do things the hard way to get something took care of.

Goku: *thinks about that* You must like doing things the hard way. So… Trunks is due back when?

Jewel: Let's see… he's been gone about four days, and he was supposed to be gone 2 weeks… so a week and a half.

Goku: Am I staying with Vegeta?

Jewel: *gives him a look* Kuroichi is. You died.

Goku: But Kuro's me! An' I like Vegeta.

Vegeta: *in distance* Trunks you come ba… WHAT DID HE SAY?

Jewel: *shakes head* I think you missed the point.

Goku: I did not. I know what's going on. I'm not as stupid as people write me.

Jewel: ^.^' I know.


	47. I think you knew

More Goten angst. He's come to a very unhappy conclusion about Trunks. Be warned.

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He watched as she buzzed around the kitchen, preparing their meal. "Oh, Goku! There you are! Go wash up for lunch." He sighed, slumping a little. Each day, he expected someone to come for him. And each night… He forced himself to walk to the bathroom, washing the dirt and grime from his skin.

His reflection in the mirror was pale. Pale enough that she'd noticed a difference, and she hadn't noticed much at all about him. He washed his face, ran the brush quickly through his hair. His uniform wasn't overly soiled, but he shed it anyway. He stepped out into the hall, crossing to the room he'd avoided as much as he could. He grabbed a fresh change, retreating again to the bathroom to put it on.

"Goku, call Gohan in, would you?" his mother requested as soon as he reappeared in the kitchen.

He flushed. "Gohan is at work, remember? He's at the hospitals this week."

She paused, frowning. "At… oh! Oh, that's right. Well, sit down. I didn't make it for you to stare at it. But do try not to inhale it this time!"

"Yes, ma'am," he mumbled, fumbling with the chopsticks, bowing his head over his plates so that she couldn't see his face. He knew something was wrong with his mother, had known it for years. Her obsession with him, believing he was his father. He'd tried to talk to Gohan about it, but his brother never seemed to have any time for him. For any of them. At most, he was at home three or four hours a week, he'd spent a whole day at home only once in the last year… or so his wife had complained. And when he was home, he was always trying to catch up the work he'd brought with him. His concerns had been dismissed with the casual statement that their mother was just getting old. Gohan had never even looked up from the papers that had been scattered across his desk. That had been two weeks before he'd moved in with Trunks… and she had only gotten worse.

"Goku… is there something wrong with the food? You aren't eating."

"Uh… no! No, it's fine. I just… I was wondering when Gohan might be able to come visit again, was all."

"Why, he'll be home this evening, of course. Just as he always is."

He dropped the chopsticks, fumbled to catch them before they fell on the floor. "Uh, right. Of course." He set the utensils aside. "I… I'm not feeling too well. I'm going to go lay down."

"Are you sick?" She jumped up and hurried to him, one hand going immediately to his brow. "You don't feel hot."

"Cold," he whispered, pulling away. "I just need to lay down. I'll be fine."

"Well… if you're sure…"

"I'll just lay down. I'll feel better soon." He hurried from the kitchen, pausing outside his room. One hand rested against the door, his forehead slowly falling forward to join it. The knob turned under his hand. He bolted to where he belonged, shaking, tearing off his father's clothes and crawling wearily into his bed.

__

He hasn't come. He hasn't come. He hasn't come… he won't. He really meant it. His eyes welled, he willed the tears away. _My prince, my love… my hate and my pain. Trunks… why? Why wouldn't you just give me a chance to explain? Couldn't you have given me that? I wasn't bleeding anymore, I was healed!_

He threw an arm over his eyes, then flipped and buried his face in the pillows. _I didn't want to die. I just… I wanted you to know what you did to me. I wanted you to see my pain… not just the pain I caused myself, but the pain I tried to cover by hurting myself. I wanted to keep my promise to your father - I wanted you to know. But you didn't see that, did you? All you saw was that I'd cut myself again… and bled a lot._

I didn't want to leave you, Trunks. I just… I wanted you to love me. The way I love you. I gave you everything, Trunks. Everything I was. I gave you me. My heart, my soul, my love. I gave you my body, my loyalty, my life. I don't have anything left. Just… just a promise. A promise to tell you my only secret. But I think… I think you already know. I think you knew just how much you hurt me. Emotionally and physically. I've had time now, time to think.

Tears slipped from his eyes to soak into the pillow. Snatches of overheard conversations, the growing savagery in their times together. Watching as Trunks flirted with one girl after another, often tossing a casual, laughing look at him before walking out with one, coming to him later reeking of her. The scents of the lovers Trunks had taken that he hadn't seen. The spars that had taken on decidedly unfriendly tones, with Trunks slamming him into the ground and taking him brutally, demanding that he scream his name for the world to hear.

__

I can't deny it anymore… that you didn't know what you were doing to me. I love you so much… but I can't remember why. I told your father I remembered when our times together were fun. But… I was wrong. I remember fun times as chibis. I remember having a ball the day before you took me as yours. I remember how much that hurt, but how glad I was that we were together…and how bad I felt when you came by two days later smelling of sex with someone else and told me you needed a good fuck.

But… I remember tenderness, too. I remember you crying when you realized I was cutting myself. I remember how you would stop the bleeding, how you would hold me and tell me it would be better. And I remember that it would be. For awhile. And then something would happen, and you'd start hurting me again. You'd rape me…

I realize that now. I realized that after I talked to your father. What he said… he's been there. He's been me. Maybe… maybe I should call him. Mabye I should find out… what he did. How he got over the man he loved. The one that only hurt him. Maybe he can help me.

Slightly comforted by the tiny bit of hope he'd given himself, Goten drifted into a fitful sleep.

---------------------------------------------

Trunks: What? I wouldn't do that! I wouldn't! He's my best friend!

Jewel: *points at muse*

Trunks: Hey! You! I wouldn't do that to Goten!

Muse: *glances up. Looks back down at future chapter*

Trunks: I am not like that!

Muse: *smirks knowledgeably*

Trunks: But… but…

Vegeta: Give it up, boy. Jewel and that damned muse of hers don't listen.

Goku: *very sad* Jewel? He's been hurt all along?

Jewel: Looks that way.

Vegeta: Dammit, Kakarot, it's just a damned story!

Goku: *just looks more unhappy. whispers* I know.


	48. You're fired

Goten hurried to the door, opened it to prevent whoever was there from beating it down. "Vegeta… hi." He stepped aside, allowing the prince and his consort to enter.

"Goten…" His father started to reach a hand out, let it fall. "Goten… I… If I had known…"

"You would have given up your happiness." Goten shook his head. "I'm fine, Kuroichi. Things just… didn't work out the way I'd hoped, is all."

"We've come to get you."

Goten turned to face Vegeta. "To get me? Why?"

"Why, because this is no situation for you to be in. Why now, because it took me longer than I had expected to find us a place." Vegeta paced into the room. "Where is your mother?"

"She… she's taking a nap right now."

"A nap?" Kuroichi asked, startled. "She doesn't take naps."

"She's taken naps every afternoon for the last three years," Goten told him.

"Well, if she's not awake, I see no reason to wake her. Get your things, boy, and let's go."

Goten was shaking his head before Vegeta finished his sentence. "I'm not going anywhere. This is my home, I'm staying here."

"But, Goten…" Kuroichi spread his hands. "You can't want… you can't want to live the life I left? What about your own life? What about making up with Trunks? Don't you want to do that? He loves you… I know he's hurt you, but…"

"Kuroichi." Goten's interruption was quiet. "Kuro, please. No. I… I've had time to think, these last few weeks. Trunks… used me. He never loved me, I can see that now. I can see it, looking back. He was just using me, the way those men were using you when Vegeta found you. For their own gratification, not caring if they hurt you or if you liked what they did."

Kuroichi's eyes widened. He reeled back, one hand reaching to grasp the doorframe. Vegeta moved quickly, suddenly there to support the taller Saiyan. Sharp black eyes bored into Goten's. "You're sure, boy?"

Goten licked his lips, pain-filled eyes averting from Vegeta's as he nodded. "I can't doubt it, Vegeta. I tried to call… but our number is blocked. When he finished with me that morning… he'd gotten all he wanted."

"But why stay here?" Kuroichi whispered. "Is what your mother does so much better?"

He remembered, belatedly, the phone call. "You and my mother didn't have much of a relationship," he said quietly. "There is less to deal with. If all you came for was to take me away, there was no need. I am not leaving."

Vegeta assessed the situation quickly. "Come, Kuro. He is old enough to choose."

Goten watched as Vegeta took his still-protesting father away, disappearing into the clouds. He turned from the door slowly, shutting it carefully. Walking back to the kitchen, he continued with making supper. His mother would be awake soon, and he wanted it ready when she woke. But again, he was interrupted. A knock, which he set down the spoon to go answer, was followed by a cheery, "Anyone home?"

"Gohan!" Goten flew across the kitchen to the front door. "Gohan, you finally came!"

His brother laughed. "Well, I can't very well stay gone forever, can I? Where's Mom?"

"She's taking a nap. Gohan, I'm really worried about her! She…" He wasn't allowed to finish.

"Goten, she's old. Sure she takes a nap now, she probably taking them off and on all day. It's nothing for you to worry about."

"But Gohan…"

"Hey, little bro, relax. I just thought I'd pop in and say hi."

"But…" Gohan was already turning to the door, getting ready to leave.

"I'll come back after awhile when she's up." He was gone.

Goten yanked the door open, but his brother hadn't wasted any time getting to his own house. Videl was being swung around and around. He sighed, shutting the door again. His return to the kitchen was a little slower. "He said he'd come back…"

But when he called an hour later, when his mother was awake, Gohan had already gone back to the city, and Videl was packing to join him. Gohan had gotten them a house there. He dropped the phone back into the cradle. "He said he'd come back…"

"Goku? Did someone call?"

"Uh, telemarketer. I told them to take us off their list."

"Did you make supper?" She was looking at the table he'd set.

"Yeah, I thought I'd surprise you."

"Well, I certainly am! I didn't know you could cook!" She settled into one of the chairs, he dished out some of what he'd made, then waited. "Oh! This is good. Goku, I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks." Relieved, he settled to his own seat. Last time he'd made a meal, she'd thrown it on the floor, declaring it worse than pig slop. He'd spent over an hour cleaning up the mess, and another hour cleaning up what she did to the kitchen. 

"Goku, I've been thinking…"

"Huh? About what?"

"Maybe it's time we had a little girl."

"Vegeta! We have to go get him!" Kuroichi whirled to face his lover. "I can't leave him there!"

"KURO!" Vegeta snapped. "That's enough! The boy made his choice, same as you did."

"You took me out."

"I paid you to come with me," Vegeta corrected. "You chose to accept my offer."

Kuroichi stopped, feeling as if he'd just been kicked. He'd forgotten. Forgotten that Vegeta still put money into an account for him each week. Forgotten that he was nothing more than a street whore, hired out in a master/slave scenario. Forgotten that his rent was paid automatically each month, that he still had the little apartment in Paradise City.

He'd forgotten his true place in playing the role, in the exuberant excitement of finding out Vegeta loved him. Being reminded… hurt. His angry gaze dropped. "You're right. I… have things I need to do." He retreated quickly to the kitchen - it was time for him to prepare his master's meal. Kuroichi laid what he needed out quickly, shaking as he realized just how truly he had become what he played at being.

Vegeta stood at the kitchen door, watching. He saw the tears form, to be batted away, and frowned. _Goku and Kuroichi have melded - Kuro was never so emotional. But why is he cry… oh. Of course… Wait, he told me he did not want me to free him._ The pieces clicked into place. "Kuroichi?"

"Yes?"

"You're fired."

"What?!" Kuroichi whirled, the pot he held falling from his hands.

--------------------------------------

Gohan: *blinks* What was that?

Jewel: AHHHH! *pries herself loose from the ceiling* Where did you come from?

Trunks: We told him you weren't putting him in enough.

Gohan: I'm not that wrapped up in work!

Trunks: Hey, what happened to me & Goten getting back together?

Vegeta: *growling*

Trunks: Ah… about me not being such an ass?

Jewel: I think I have that almost worked out.

Trunks: Really?

Vegeta: Wait, you did something he wanted?

Goku: They're getting back together?

Gohan: Uh, I think I missed something?

Jewel: *sighs with exasperation and hands him page 1*

Gohan: *reading*

Vegeta: You're giving Trunks what he wants?

Jewel: What?

Vegeta: *points*

Jewel: Oh, that.

Goten: Are we getting back together?

Jewel: *pries herself from the ceiling again* Suddenly I feel like Tom when Jerry pokes him with a pin.

Goten: *grins* I came out of the woodwork.

Goku: You're not sending him back are you?

Vegeta: If she does, I will find a way out of here to get her.

Jewel: Ooooo! Incentive!

Vegeta: *scowls*

Goku: *sad Son eyes*

Jewel: AHHHHH! Don't do that! *waves hands* No sad Son eyes!

Muse: *is immune to Son eyes*

Vegeta: *advances on muse*

Muse: *sketches*

Vegeta: *stops dead - he's seen Muse sketches*

Jewel: *watches byplay, turns to Goku* I dunno. That is entirely up to Goten.

Everyone: *turns to look at Goten*

Goten: What?


	49. Misunderstanding

EEEE! I got a comment on the commentary! *grins* Thank you. Goku was kinda heartbreaking, wasn't he? (ch47)

--------------------------------------------

"What do you mean, I'm fired?"

"Fired. You are no longer my employee." Vegeta frowned when Kuroichi looked to the floor, his whole self seemingly suddenly dispirited.

"I see." The younger Saiyan bent to pick up the pot he'd dropped. He placed it carefully back on the stove before walking quietly past Vegeta.

Vegeta turned to watch him. Kuro walked until he reached their room. He paused there, one hand reaching out to rest on the door for just a moment before he continued to his room. Vegeta smiled. _He probably just needs a bit in that bizarre creation of his to readjust._ He turned to look at the kitchen. "This is a special day… my turn to cook."

_He fired me? I don't… he… I thought…_ Kuroichi sprawled across his bed. He'd left the door partially open, could hear the rattling of pots and pans. Vegeta was cooking. He hadn't cooked since showing Kuroichi how to fix his favorite dish. _I guess I don't need this uniform then…_

He got up, ripping off the outfit he wore. At the closet, he pawed through the clothes to get at the small box in the back. _I didn't think… this is…_ From the box he pulled a slightly faded, formerly neon-green T-shirt and a somewhat worse for the wear pair of pants. He could hear Vegeta now, singing something. He couldn't recognize the words, decided the man was singing in Saiyan. _He really is… happy about this. He said… he said… NO! No. I can't let myself think about it. I can't… I will just… I'll just…_

Vegeta paused his singing to test the sauce, his nose wrinkling. "Ach! Not yet. Needs more…" The song started again as he moved to the spice rack. _I have not heard my own language in far too long. No one has… I should have taught the boy. I should have tried to teach Goku… Kakarot - DAMN IT! TOO MUCH PEPPER! - when I realized he didn't remember it. Now, even I am not sure… if I do!_

He'd stopped singing, unable to remember the words of the song. It had been drummed into him since early childhood, even Raditz and Nappa had sung it on Frieza's ship to ensure he would remember it. "Ah!" The melody resumed, a soft, lilting song thoroughly NOT in keeping with his usual character.

He wasn't happy with some of the substitutions he was having to make in the traditional Saiyan meal - but Vegeta-sei was gone and there was no way to get some of the ingredients he needed. He made do with what was in the very well-stocked pantry, continuing to rehearse his song. He had to have every word, every note, perfect. He wanted to have it perfect, since the meal wouldn't be.

Vegeta searched through the cabinets, making a horrible amount of noise in his search for the tray Kuroichi usually used to deliver his snacks. He set it carefully, the fine wineglasses they had never used, the crystal dishes. He'd bought them because of their similarity to ones he'd used as a child, then had them stamped with his family emblem. The dishes had never been used… but today was a special day. Today, they would make their debut.

At last it was ready. Vegeta sent one uncertain look down the hall - Kuro was taking longer to adjust than he'd anticipated - then shrugged and picked up the loaded tray. A gentle smile graced his face as he began the song again, carrying the tray to Kuro's room. He nudged the door open with his hip, entering quickly as the door swung out of his way.

The tray crashed to the floor, song dying on his lips. "No…" Vegeta sank to his knees in the midst of the remains of a traditional Saiyan betrothal dinner. "Kuro…"

------------------------------------------------------

Jewel: *contemplates evil muse*

Vegeta: *too rabid at the moment to make sense*

Goten: What? I thought you were making my life miserable now!

Goku: No… what happened? *turns pleading puppy-dog Son eyes on Muse*

Muse: *blinks*

Muse: *blinks harder*

Muse: *discovers he is not immune to the pleading puppy Son eyes*

Muse: DAMMIT!

Jewel: *blinks* You can talk?

Muse: *scowls*

-----------------------------------------------------

It was raining. Of course it was raining. His life had just fallen apart again, after all. He shut the door, popped the capsule, and kept his mind occupied on putting his things away. Once he had everything arranged, he found himself yanking it all back down to be stuffed back into the capsule. All but the small box. That he left next to the bed where it belonged.

His rent was paid up, had been kept paid up. He had kept the small apartment as a backup. _I guess I just knew. I knew I'd need it. I don't think I'll stay here very long. I've money enough to move… and this place has bad memories._

Emotionally exhausted, he fell across the bed.

Vegeta stood, slowly taking in the mostly stripped room. Everything Kuro had bought was gone. Everything he'd given the man had been left behind. He made his way slowly to the dresser, righting a fallen picture. He stared at it a long moment, and then began the process of searching out Kuro's ki. _He must have misunderstood. That has to be it._

----------------------------------------------------------

Muse: *is too put out at discovering he is not immune to pleading puppy Son eyes to create more*

Vegeta: *is now frothing at the mouth*

Goku: *is happy he's not dead* I was worried! And 'Geta's coming for me! *spins Muse in a circle*

Muse: *squawks indignantly. Blinks. Purrs and fondles Goku*

Goku: Meep!

Vegeta: *sends Muse flying with a well-placed punch*

Goku: *glomps Vegeta* THANK YOU!

Muse: *plots revenge*


	50. Bakalove

The song is Savage Garden's _The Lover After Me_, for those of you who don't recognize the lines I borrowed from it.

-----------------------------------

here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today

it's been seven months and counting you've moved on I still feel exactly the same…

ever since you've been gone the lights go out the same

the only difference is you call another name to your love… the lover after me

am I all alone in the universe there's no love on these streets

I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway

so this is my new freedom it's funny I don't remember being chained

and nothing seems to make sense anymore… and time goes by so slowly…

I shouldn't be holding on but I'm still holding on for you

here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today

but I'm standing at your doorway calling out your name cause I can't move on…

Goten sighed, listening to a song that seemed to be written for him. He knew Trunks had another lover. Had had several, in fact, since he'd thrown Goten out. In fact, the song could even apply to his family. His brother he hadn't seen since that brief visit when he'd learned -from Videl- that Gohan was moving. Kuro and Vegeta had never returned either. They'd all moved on.

He hadn't. Couldn't. Couldn't get past the ache in his heart when he thought of Trunks, couldn't get past the fact that with the rest of his family doing their own things, he was the only one their for his mother. And she… she got worse daily.

Goten would have taken her to a hospital, to find out what was wrong, but money was an age-old curse with their family. He would not put her into an institution; she was his mother and had cared for him, he would do the same for her. Besides, there wasn't any money to pay for a doctor, or an institution. Which was why he was now perched on the edge of her bed, trying to get her to eat something.

The decline had been so gradual, at first, that no one had even noticed. Her obsession with finding the dragonballs to bring Goku back to her had masked everything. He'd begun to realize that maybe something was wrong when she'd started consistently mistaking him for his father, had known when she denied his existence. That had been when he'd told Trunks.

No one had seemed to notice even when Goku was returning home once a week. Probably they'd blamed her slips on old age - his mother wasn't really young, after all. But after he'd moved back, when Trunks had thrown him away… he still wasn't sure that he wasn't the reason she had declined so rapidly.

He had called his brother. Of course he had. Gohan had sighed, and then recited a half dozen different things that happened to old humans. _"It's a part of the human aging process, Goten. It is natural. So stop worrying so much about her forgetting a few things or a few names."_

Then, as before, he hadn't had a chance to tell his brother that it wasn't just names, it was people. That she wasn't mistaking him for his father, she believed he was his father. And that she didn't realize any longer that she had children. Gohan had had to take an important call. The next day, Goten had cancelled the phone service, and resigned himself to the full-time care of his mother.

With a little sigh, Goten gathered up the tray of mostly untouched food. Chi-Chi had fallen asleep again, as she so often did. He looked sadly down at her, knowing that it wouldn't be much longer before he was alone, before she fell asleep and never woke up. He carried the tray to the kitchen, put the food away, cleaned up the few dishes.

The kitchen window over the sink offered the brilliant colors of fall and the deadened browns of winter. Already, there was more brown than anything else. The trees swayed in the wind, wind he knew was sharp, biting cold, warning of snow soon to come. _Wasn't it springtime when I came home? Where'd the time go? Gohan… he came during the heat of the summer. I remember that. Why hasn't he come back… especially since the phone doesn't work? Kuro and Vegeta haven't returned, but I never expected them to. This place has too many bad memories for Father to probably ever want to return. Vegeta… _Goten smiled. _Vegeta doesn't do visiting._

Still, I expected to see Trunks. I expected him to show up, demanding a good fuck. Wanting to hurt me. I guess… I guess when he said he was done with me, he really meant it. I still… I still can't believe that… all that time…. No. I can't allow myself to do this anymore. I have got to move on. I have to.

I promised Vegeta I would tell him. I've gone to see him, but he was never there. Not to me, anyway. And the phone was blocked before I ever shut it off. Maybe… maybe a letter? I could write him. I might never know if he read it, but at least… at least I could try.

He checked on his mother first, then settled at the desk of his old room to start the first of several drafts.

"Hello, Father."

"Trunks." Vegeta blinked at his son. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see Kuroichi."

"Why?"

"I never apologized to him for beating him. And I have something to give him." Trunks shifted the small box under his arm. "Will he see me?"

"I'll ask." Vegeta left his son standing on the porch, went in search of his mate. The man was curled in their bed, still asleep. He smiled at the sight. "Kuro? You waking up today?"

"Mrphm." The tousled spikes shifted to press more firmly into the pillows, one long arm reaching down to grab a blanket and tuck it snugly under the chin.

"Didn't think so." He returned to his son. "I wore him out last night and he hasn't woken up yet."

Trunks shifted nervously. "So how is he?"

Vegeta's eyes narrowed. "What's on your mind, boy?"

"I got a letter. From Goten."

"Come in." They settled in the small living room. "Well?"

Trunks put the box down next to his chair. "I wanted to talk to Kuroichi, Father, not you."

"Kuro's mine."

"Exactly."

Dark eyes bloomed with fury when understanding dawned. "I never treated Kuroichi as badly as you treated Goten. I have never once broken any of his bones, or left him with ruptured organs. Nor have I ever called him my private whore or otherwise degraded him."

"You use him, Father, we both know that. He's your little fuck toy. He has been since the first time you raped him."

Vegeta bounded over the coffee table, knocked his son through the wall. "Kuroichi is my _mate_," he hissed, "not a fuck toy. I have never raped him and I never will. I would and will protect him with my life." With that, he threw his son out the door.

"You know he meant while I was Goku," a sleepy voice chided. "Didn't have to throw him."

"I thought you were sleeping?" Vegeta crossed the room, pulling the larger man down for a thorough kissing. "Did I wake you?"

"Kinda hard for me to sleep through someone being tossed through a wall. Besides, you went Super and I got worried."

Vegeta blinked. "I…" He caught a look at himself in the mirror across the room and powered down. "You should go rest."

"Nnnnm… m'hungry now."

"Bottomless pit." But Vegeta followed the other into the kitchen, helped put together a light meal.

"Why was he here, 'Geta?"

"Goten sent him a letter. I think he was going to ask you why you came back to me, after the way I hurt you."

"You were crying and went to level three."

"Oh, bring that up!" Vegeta scowled. He hadn't made it to that level since.

"You were crying and went to level three," Kuroichi repeated obligingly, a sly grin on his face. "So I knew that everything you were saying was true, and that I really was the world's biggest idiot…"

"That would be my son, not you."

"And that you really did still love me and I shouldn't have run away because I loved you too and we should be together." He finished his meal, crawled over to rest his head against Vegeta's leg. "Can we go see him? Goten? I haven't seen him for a long time."

"That's because you were too busy being an ass running away from me." Fingers stroked wayward spikes.

"I'm sorry." Kuroichi turned his head to nip gently at Vegeta's thigh. "Please?"

"Of course, baka-love."

They took the box with them. It had Goten's name on the top, so Kuroichi had flatly refused to open it. Vegeta hadn't had any such qualms, although he'd looked a trifle sick when he'd finished sorting through it. He'd tucked the box up under his arm, grabbed his mate's hand and shot toward the lonely cabin after a phone call had made them realize the number Goku had had for years now belonged to someone else.

"Wow, it really looks different. Not quite so… tidy."

"What?"

"The windows aren't all sparkly. The flowerbeds haven't been raked and the garden hasn't been turned over. Something's wrong." Kuroichi put on another little burst of speed. They landed in front of a gate that could have used a coat of paint, glancing up to observe the laundry flapping on the line. No one answered, but the door yielded to Kuroichi's gentle push. "Very wrong."

Even Vegeta noticed the difference. No baking smells. Dust on the knick-knacks. The floor, while not filthy, could use a sweeping. But the most obvious thing was the forlorn-looking demi-Saiyan sprawled inelegantly on the floor, soundly asleep. The boy was haggard, the dark circles under his eyes pronounced. His clothes were his own, but fitting very loosely, evidence that he'd not been eating as well as he should. A bucket of cleaning supplies rested on the floor next to him, his fingers still curled around the handle. "Yes. Something is wrong. I'll check the kitchen."

The kitchen, minus the smell of baking, seemed normal, until he began opening cabinets. Many were empty. A few contained vegetables from the garden. The freezer had some fish in it, the refrigerator yielded only a pitcher of cold water. He frowned, walking back into the other room. Kuroichi had put his son on the couch, put an afghan over him, and was currently scrubbing the windows. "Kuro. They're out of food. Where's the boy's mother?"

"Upstairs. Asleep. She looks worse than he does."

Vegeta crossed quickly to the other man, hearing the pain in his voice. "Shhh, Kuro, shh… we'll make it better. You clean. I'll hunt."

"Okay."

-------------------------------------------

Gohan: I thought I was going to get a better role?

Jewel: Who said that?

Gohan: Uh… me!

Jewel: Since when do I listen to you?

Trunks: What's in the box that made Dad look sick?

Jewel: Oh, you'll find out later.

Goku: Is Chi-Chi dying?

Jewel: Yes, sweetie.

Goku: Ohhhh…. *looks sad*

Jewel: *cuddles him*

Trunks: So when his mom dies, does he come back to me?

Vegeta: *growls*

Trunks: … that was tacky. Sorry.

Goten: Why do I always look like hell?

Jewel: My muse likes you broken. Don't ever get caught alone with him.

Trunks: *powers up, gets protective*

Jewel: Oh, you don't have to worry about him for awhile.

Trunks: I don't? *still being protective*

Jewel: No, he's being coddled by Sephy-muse.

All Saiyans: *smirk*


	51. What do I do

I suppose I ought to stick a disclaimer on this chapter, as I stuck most of a song in it. As it says in the appropriate paragraph, it's not mine.

-------------

He recognized the box. Trunks had made it when they were still teens, had told him he would get it when the time was right. Vegeta had set it quietly on the table by his bed, and it had been there, untouched, for three days. He was still trying to decide what to do with it.

Trunks had called it the dream box. It wasn't empty, he'd watched the other put something in it from time to time. He'd never seemed very happy when he had, though, and Goten wasn't all that sure he wanted to know what his former lover had put in the box. He wasn't sure he didn't want to know, either - which is why it had wound up on his lap.

He blinked down at it, uncertain as to when he had gotten up to get it. Watched the lid open. Blinked down at the contents, puzzled. These were dreams? One at a time, he pulled each photo out, glancing at the date, before moving to the small, rusted items taped to paper. These were also dated, all with a single word: Failed. He got to the bottom of the box, lifted out the false bottom Trunks had once shown him.

There were more photos, and two envelopes: one old and yellowed, the other a newer lavender. They were teens, early twenties, maybe, in these pictures. Happier times than the prior set. He opened the newer envelope first, read the single line. _My dreams bleed away._ The other envelope was thicker. He pulled the pages from it, began to read.

__

Goten-

I told you, that when the time was right, you would get this box. I have to wait until my dream comes true, before I can give it to you. It's not a very good apology, I know, but I want you to be able to understand, if we survive. And I know that, if I can ever give it to you, we may have changed so much that we don't even know ourselves. I don't know how long it will take to make you strong enough - to make me strong enough. I did something stupid. After I talked to you, after I told you how much I loved you, I got in a fight with my father. It was bad. Really bad. I told him I loved you, and he lost it. Literally. I don't think I would have lived if he hadn't come to his senses and given me a senzu.

And then, he shoved me down and told me there was no way that I would ever have you, he'd kill you first. If there was ever the slightest hint that I wasn't obeying him, that I was seeing you that way, he'd kill you. I'm glad you didn't see him then, the way he looked. I was so scared I wet my pants, and I knew he meant it. He would kill you, and he'd do it slowly - and make me watch. He said so.

I didn't know what to do. But I knew the two things he cared most about were his pride and his strength. And I thought that maybe, if we got strong enough to beat him, then we could be together the way we wanted to be. But I had to be sure my father didn't find out what I was doing, and that meant I couldn't tell you - because he'd be able to tell just by looking at you.

You're so easy to read, Goten. Father knew you cared for me more than you ever said. He described what he'd do to you if I ever was to give him any reason to think that I was treating you other than I always had. I've never been so scared in my life. And I decided then and there that we'd be together, no matter what it took.

I'm afraid you will hate me. Because there's really only one way for a Saiyan to get stronger, after all. I'll have to hurt you. I'll have to half-kill you sometimes, maybe, until you're strong enough, and I'll have to train myself. So that we can stand up to him and be able to fight back. Be able to beat him, together or alone, whichever it takes, so that we can be together forever.

And I'll hurt you, your feelings, too. I know I will. Because I'll have to act like you're nothing more than a friend, not even a best friend, maybe. I may even have to pretend you aren't even that important. I'll have to have other lovers, so that my father will never be able to smell you on me, after we've been together. And Goten, I'm sorry. Because I know that our times together mostly won't be very nice. I'm going to be hurting you then, too, as much as I can stand to, so you'll be stronger. It won't always be bad, I love you too much. I hope I never get so locked into making you stronger that I forget to be gentle, forget to make our time special. But I don't know how long it will take us to get strong enough to go against my father.

Not to mention your mother.

Goten laid the sheets aside for a moment, taking in what he'd just learned. And comparing it to what Vegeta had told him that last, horrible night. It didn't make sense, but he knew that this letter had been written back when they were teens. The envelope had been under the false bottom when Trunks had shown it to him. He'd reached for it, only to have his hand crushed, to hear Trunks tell him it wasn't time yet.

His name and the engravings hadn't been on the box yet, but he'd seen the designs carefully penciled in. Trunks had never had him over after they'd professed their love - not without leaving the door to any room they were in wide open. They'd often had tickle wars, those had stopped entirely after the first time he'd tried to initiate one and been hit hard enough to send him flying across the room. Their friendship had changed after that, but he was never really sure how to explain the change.

But, Vegeta! Vegeta had suggested he move in! He had been the one to comfort Goten that night, to demand the promise that Trunks be told. How could he have known all this time and have been so… accepting of them being together, if what Trunks wrote was true? Slowly, he moved to pick up the last of the sheets, these crisply white.

__

Things changed a lot, didn't they? I started collecting the blades when I realized what you were doing. The pictures… those were to remind me why you thought you needed those blades. You should have gotten stronger. We trained, we fought. I raped you so many times, hurting you so much. You should have gotten stronger. Maybe my father saw something back then that I couldn't see. Maybe you're like Bra, more human than Saiyan, and that's why you didn't get any stronger than you did, no matter how often you were at the brink of death. I don't know.

I… I don't know how to apologize for all those wasted years. I don't know how to explain that I didn't believe that my father wasn't setting us up for something, that I believed that he meant to come in and see me being tender so he could rip you away and force me to watch him destroy you. I don't know why I still expected him to do that, even when I see him being so gentle with your father - whom he swore to kill.

I don't know. Maybe when he was sick back then, before your father disappeared, something happened. I don't know. I still can't understand that he changed his opinion of us being together so much.

I don't know if you are willing to try again. To be my lover this time, the way I'd always dreamed we could be when we were strong enough. We spent so many years in that twisted way of life, that I don't know that I wouldn't do something bad to you without even meaning to. I can't promise I wouldn't hurt you.

I've spent the last few months wondering how everything went so wrong, wondering how I could have let it go so far. Wondering why I never tried to explain this to you before. Wondering if there was any way you would ever forgive me and if there was a way I would ever be able to make up for all the years of pain I put you through… for nothing. Because in the end, it was for nothing. Even when I had my father's support in our relationship, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't seem to stop hurting you. And you… Well. That blade is in here, with all the others. I can't not blame myself for what you did that night, but it took a long time before I was ready to admit that it was my fault. I'd just gotten so used to hurting you and then putting myself to sleep so that I wouldn't have to listen to the pain I'd caused, that I didn't even think that night. That night… it should have been so special, and instead it was - it was a nightmare, for both of us.

I know you really like Savage Garden. There's a song they do. I would like to visit you for awhile get away and out of this city maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break we could go sit on the back porch relax talk about anything it don't matter I'll be courageous if you can pretend that you've forgiven me because I don't know you anymore I don't recognize this place the picture frames have changed and so has your name we don't talk much anymore we keep running from the pain what I wouldn't give to see your face again springtime in the city always such relief from the winter freeze snow is more lonely than cold if you know what I mean everyone's got an agenda don't stop keep that chin up you'll be alright can you believe what a year it's been and I'm still the same has your opinion changed cause I don't know you anymore I don't recognize this place the picture frames have changed and so has your name we don't talk much anymore we keep running from these sentences but what I wouldn't give to see your face again I know I let you down again and again I know I never really treated you right I paid the price and still I'm paying for it every day so maybe I shouldn't have called was it too soon to tell what the hell it doesn't really matter how do you redefine someone who never really had a name has your opinion changed cause I don't know you anymore I don't recognize this place the picture frames have changed and so has your name we don't talk much anymore we keep running from the pain but what I wouldn't give to see your face again see your face see your face _You know that one, you used to listen to it a lot. I went out and got this after you - after I threw you out. When I got your letter, this was what was playing._

Maybe it's time, Goten. Maybe we can stop running from the pain - the pain I caused us by doing what I did. Maybe you can't forgive me for what I did. Maybe the way I treated you can't be forgiven. I've still got a picture of you - of us - by our bed. I know you've probably heard about all the women I've been seen with, but I haven't had any of them. I couldn't. I only wanted you, but after what I did… I didn't think you'd ever accept me again. Is there any chance at all? Can you forgive me for being so stupid, for putting you through so much awfulness? I want to see you again. I want to love you the way I used to, before my father tried to kill me and threatened to kill you. Before everything changed. I don't know if it's too late, Chibi, but are you willing to forgive me and give us another chance?

I love you so much that it hurts.

Yours forever

Trunks

He folded the pages carefully back together, put them in the envelopes. Put those back in the box with the photos. Put the false bottom back in place. Matched pictures to the blood-rusted razorblades, and laid those back in the box. Closed it. Made his way to the dresser and placed it carefully in the center of the top. Pulled the framed picture from its hiding place and set it on top of the box. And then, went back to bed, too tired to wonder what to do next, too awake not to think about it.

Goten sighed, sinking into the huge pile of pillows on his bed, pulling the blanket back up to his chin. The slight knock at the door he ignored, it was only a formality. Vegeta came in, glancing at the dresser. "You opened it, then."

"Yes."

"I suppose you have questions?" The older man approached, efficiently setting up a small tray of food.

"No."

"No?" Vegeta looked up from his chore. "None?"

"I read the letters."

"Letters?" The food was ready, Vegeta sat back, as had become his custom. He generally stayed while Goten ate.

Goten picked up the chopsticks, poking them at the food, but not really hungry enough to try a bite. "Yes. It was his dream for us to be together. When we were strong enough to face you, he planned for us to do just that, to let you know that you couldn't keep us apart." The chopsticks speared a potato wedge; he allowed it to drop back to the plate.

"Strong enough to face me?" Vegeta sounded genuinely surprised; Goten looked up from his contemplation of his dinner in time to see a sudden understanding dawn. "I remember… but he was sixteen! Twen…." His voice died as full realization hit. "It was my fault. What I said to him that day…"

"Yes," Goten replied simply, spearing another potato. This one, he nibbled at a bit before allowing it to fall back to the plate. "For twenty-seven years, I was beaten and raped so that my strength would grow, and he trained, so that one day, when we were strong enough, we could challenge you and prove our right to be together." This time, it was a bite-sized egg roll that he attacked with the chopsticks.

Vegeta raked a hand through his hair. "But I told you to move in! And then accepted you as my own in front of him and your family and friends! Why, after that…? You didn't need to be stronger. Neither of you did." His voice dropped, becoming barely audible. "All the horror I went through, all the horrible things I did… the past comes back, never letting go."

"Who was he, Vegeta?" Another bit of calamari. "The man you kept going back to even though he hurt you? How did you finally get over him?"

"He was one of Frieza's top men, one of his best warriors. He liked… to hurt me, to hear me scream. Everyone else, I fought. To take me, they risked being maimed or killed, I let no one touch me… except him. I loved him. I would beg him to hurt me, just so that I could please him." Vegeta looked up, at the door. "When I… when I came after the dragonballs I… knew there was… that…. He was Frieza's top man, went everywhere with him. I knew I meant nothing to him, that I was just a convenient toy, a sexual plaything. Frieza… ordered him to kill me. I was… wasn't the one… who died."

"You killed him?" Goten dropped his chopsticks. "But… how could you?"

"To survive. I had to kill him, or I would have died. I died anyway, but the dragon restored my life. Afterwards, I swore I would never allow myself to feel so again. I told myself that I was a Prince, that I needed no one to complete me, that no one would ever again have that kind of power over me. Bulma was a means of carrying on my lineage, but I grew to care for her, over time, to love her. But she always knew what I needed, who I wanted. Before she died, she told me… she told me she wished that Goku was still alive because she knew that in spite of what I said about wanting to kill him, that I loved him even more than I had ever loved her." He laughed slightly. "She was right. I will allow nothing to separate us again."

"Vegeta?" The older man turned to look at him. "What should I do?"

--------------------------------------------

Vegeta: I hope that did not imply what I think it did.

Jewel: *grins*

Vegeta: *scowls* It does, doesn't it?

Jewel: *points to Muse*

Muse: *grins, holds up pic*

Vegeta: *swearing in Saiyan*

Goku: Hey, who's that?

Gohan: I remember that guy from Namek!

Vegeta: *now frothing at the mouth*

Trunks: He's so… girly.

Goten: Your dad loved him and has a problem with us?

Goku: ?????

Vegeta: *momentarily coherent* THIS IS A STUPID STORY!

Jewel: Well, I voted for him.

Vegeta: *pauses in fuming* You what?

Jewel: Muse did threaten to have that be Nappa instead.

Vegeta: *looks green* Nappa????!

Goku: The bald guy? Yuck! He'd have been better off with my brother!

Vegeta: Your brother was a weakling!

Goku: Well, I'm not.

Vegeta: I know that!

Goku: So you should be with me.

Everyone: O.o'

Vegeta: I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You.

Muse: *scribbles furiously, hands paper to Jewel*

Jewel: EWWWWW!!!!!! *hands paper to Vegeta*

Vegeta: You live. Help me kill Muse. *hands paper to Kakarot, prepares for fusion dance*

Goku: AHHHHHHH! This is worse than lemon-colored plot bunnies! *tosses paper, fuses with Vegeta, and proceeds to pound the hell out of Muse*

Goten & Trunks: *peer at paper. Fuse. Join in beating Muse*

Gohan: *looks confused, picks up paper. Eyes widen. Joins the beating of Muse*

Jewel: He really should stop making Saiyans mad…


	52. Doing better

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Tatoosh: You really don't want me to make him cry now?! Wow… cool. See, I told you he had a reason for it! Anyway, I think I did. In my head, though, he's sitting at home, or in his office, he can't work so he's chewing his fingernails. He's wondering what happened to the box, if Goten got it, and if he did, if he'd even read the letters, and if he had… and then starting to wonder if he shouldn't have put what he did…or if he should have wrote it different. Mostly because I had a hell of a time writing that last chapter, and even after revising it, I kept thinking that there was so much more he could've said and should've said and probably wished he'd've said, but I couldn't get it down. As for them getting back together, well *shoves Goten in front of you* ask him.

----------------------------------------------

Goten waited, picking again at his food as the silence extended. Vegeta stared at his hands, for once looking every single one of his years. Goten had nearly cleared his plate, even as slowly as he was eating, before he got an answer. "I am… not the one to tell you that. It is my fault that my son became such a… monster, my fault that you were so badly used by the one you loved. If I… had… accepted your love, the two of you would have led happier lives."

"That's not true… not entirely, anyhow," Goten amended when Vegeta's eyes snapped to his. "I could have left him. I could have…"

"You believe that about as much as I do. We both know you didn't leave him until he told you to - and from the state we found you in, you've been mourning his loss since."

"The state you…. MOTHER!" The remains of his food splattered on the floor when he tried to lever himself out of bed and bolt for the door. Vegeta caught him, forced him back against the pillows.

"Kuro and I have been caring for her. You slept for four days straight. We've been here a week."

"Mother?"

"Your mother is dying, brat, but I think you knew that. Why didn't you get help?"

"From who? I told my brother. He moved away. She got worse, and I called him. I tried to tell him what was going on with her, but he just interrupted, rattled off a bunch of things, said things like that happen when humans get old, and not to worry about it. Then he said he had to go, he had an important call to take. I couldn't call Trunks because… well, because. And you and Kuro didn't tell me how to get in touch."

"Kuro and I had a misunderstanding the last time we were here. We've only been back together a few weeks… and I had to go all over the world chasing him to convince him I loved him."

"He went Super Saiyan three and was crying," Kuroichi said from the open door. "Otherwise, I'd probably still be running. He tried to show me that he cared every time he caught up with me… but I was running on stupid and didn't realize it. Your mother's doing pretty well today, and you look better too. Stop scowling, Vegeta."

"I thought I told you not to say anything about that?"

"Super Saiyan three, or the crying?" Kuroichi looped an arm over the older Saiyan's shoulders, kissing him thoroughly before turning to face his son. "Gohan really wouldn't help you? He's always been so… so…"

"Pampered, namby-pamby, respectable and bloody damned responsible?" Vegeta suggested sourly.

"Well, the responsible part, anyway. Oh, and respectable."

Goten smiled slightly at Vegeta's apt description of his older brother. "He wouldn't even let me finish trying to explain what was going on. I shut the phone off to save a little money… there isn't very much left. I did as much as I could… fishing and such, to try and keep the food costs down at least, but I knew I couldn't afford to take her to the doctor." He looked at his father.

"Dad, if Mom's a princess, why don't we have any money?"

"Actually, she became a queen when her daddy died. And I don't know about any money. Her daddy's castle was burned not long before I married her…" Kuroichi frowned thoughtfully. "It might be that all the family's wealth burned up, but Ox King always seemed to have enough."

"Are you a king, Dad?"

"No. I was never even considered a prince. You're a prince, though, and your brother. He'll inherit the title once your mother… passes."

A corner of Goten's mouth twitched. "You mean, Gohan will be… Gohan the Ox King?"

"Yep!"

"Gohan Ox King… and I'm Prince Goten? Wait 'til I tell…. Oh… yeah." Goten's faint smile vanished. "Mom's really doing better?"

"Better?" Kuroichi sighed. "Compared to how she was when we got here, yes."

"I've known she was dying for awhile. She'd probably be dead now if you guys hadn't come by."

"You, as well," Vegeta informed him. "We force fed you, those first four days."

"Vegeta? Trunks… said that maybe you'd seen something… back then. Am I… am I more human than Saiyan? Like Bra?"

Vegeta stared at him a long moment, then sighed. He tugged on Kuroichi's shirt, the other kneeling obediently beside him. Strong fingers slid through his hair, petting and stroking. "No, mini-baka. Nothing like that. You were… your father's son. That hasn't changed… but I have."

"Why didn't I get stronger, then?"

"Because all your energy went to hiding. Once you stop hiding, you may be even more powerful than I am," Kuroichi said quietly. "Once I stopped hiding from everyone, my power level skyrocketed. You're still hiding from Trunks right now, plus you're sick and weak from having pretty much starved yourself. Once you recover, you'll see. Just… raise your power to call Trunks to you."

"You think I should?"

"I overheard quite a bit while I was in your mother's room. You still love him, and you know now what he was doing. You don't blame Vegeta for it, so why blame Trunks?"

"That… makes sense." Goten snuggled down into the pillows. "It makes sense."

"Think about it then, boy. Will you be happier with the brat? Or alone?"

"I don't blame Trunks. I know… I know I could have stood up to him. I just… love him."

Kuroichi purred, twining his tail with his mate's. "Think about this too, Goten. I ran from Vegeta, but I never ran very far. I stayed where he could find me, where he could reach me. Our relationship had a… very rocky start - he was trying to kill me."

"That was Kakarot."

Kuroichi grinned. "And didn't that used to be my name, a long time ago? The point is, even though Vegeta tried to kill me more than once, and even though he raped me, he was the one I turned to, and stayed with. And even when I was running from him, I never got too far from him." Vegeta snorted, Kuroichi tipped his head to kiss caressing fingers. "He is the one I love. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Papa. And I… I do love Trunks."

---------------------------------------------

Trunks: YES! *goes super from sheer exuberance*

Jewel: Does sound promising for you.

Goku: What did 'Geta mean? About Goten being my son? Of course he's mine! *looks vaguely insulted*

Vegeta: DON'T call me that. And it means he's just like you.

Goku: Oh. Okay.

Vegeta: What, did you think I meant your wife cheated on you?

Goku: I'm naïve and child-like, but I'm not stupid. *looks very insulted*

Vegeta: Hn. Where's Muse? I feel like pounding something.

Jewel: He's not coming out of hiding until that one story gets out of my head.

All Saiyans: Where is he?

Jewel: I'm not entirely sure. But that Hangman picture is still with me… *whimpers*


	53. Unforgivable

Vegeta: YOU POSTED IT! TWICE! And then made arrangements to post it AGAIN!

Jewel: I know, I know. But, it's not in my head anymore.

Goku: That was just awful.

Jewel: It could have been worse.

Goku: *sighs* I know.

Vegeta: Just who was I supposed to be avenging, anyhow?

Jewel: *blinks* Uhhh… hey! I don't wanna get that pic back in my head! It would require a second chapter!

Goku: *wallops Vegeta upside the head* No more! Never mention it again.

Vegeta: BAKA!

Muse: *smirks, points at the posts*

Vegeta & Goku: *POUNCE*

Muse: *is undergoing extreme torture*

Jewel: He really should've stayed gone…

--------------

The Saiyans appreciate those reviewers who helped beat up on Muse. Anyone who truly wishes to know why they felt it necessary must go to media miner.org to find out, or be in Saiya-jin Secrets. It was… messy, and not exactly r-rated material. The story is titled _The Game_.

Oh, _Kuro's Escape _is also there (if I didn't mention that yet), for those wanting to follow Vegeta as he chases Kuro down after firing him. It's in progress, though I think the line may say complete… I haven't go the posting system there quite figured out yet.

I had 44 pages worth of reviews for this story when I printed them out after chapter 51 got posted. I think there's another half-page more reviews now. That's pretty cool, it's nice to know how many people keep up with the story and even comment chapter by chapter! Especially when I get a good critiquing. I haven't, apparently, made anyone but Tatoosh need to yell at me in more than one or two lines for awhile in this fic. A good thing! I got reamed (rightfully) for stupid H. Muse tricks on _Stupid Thing To Say_. Anyone who wants to read a good critique, go look at the chapter 12 review by Kinosei on that fic! *snickers* It's being fixed.

On to the reviews for chapters 50-51...

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The only sabi san: You like Muse, do you? Hey! What do you mean, I can't have a happy ending? *pouts* I can too… *examines Muse, currently trying to piece himself back together after the latest Saiyan attack* Um, okay, maybe I can't.

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Tatoosh: Gee, and I thought I had a wicked little mind. ;-) Questionable toys! *giggles* Nope, the box contents were far and away different. I'm still trying to decide what to do about Gohan, he's due for an appearance soon. And Kuro and Vegeta are proper mates now, no more separation. You may hop up off your knees. *finally notices the Dodoria comment* EWWWWW! Vegeta has better taste than that! Even in ugly form, Zarbon was better looking! *thinks about that, shudders* Oh, sorry, they're still at the mountain house. I guess that wasn't very clear. They wouldn't have gone to CC anyhow, Vegeta moved into his own place.

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Goku mum, Plyric: Why thank you! 'preciate that.

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Suisheu: details elsewhere. I thought it might be about time to do something a bit past an R rating. I'm still skimping details, at this point, but the lemonesque will become richer. Don't trust the letters, hey? And Goten getting conflicting advice didn't help that a bit, did it! He'll make up his mind after a bit.

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Hecate18: You're alive! *scowls* I haven't gotten a author update alert on you for awhile. Ahem. Yep, Savage Garden tends to be my writing music here of late. Interspersed with Danzig and the Queen of the Damned soundtrack, with occasional shots of Poison. *grins* I kinda wrote chapter 50 as a songfic, and 52 as well. I had those songs typed out in advance… a pain. One of these days, I'm going to find a lyrics website that has the lyrics I want when I need them! Yes, Chi's had a slow decline that had a sudden, massive deterioration. Dunno what she has, but I'm glad I'll never get it! Yes, Goten's not alone… but he is really alone, too. *this chapter…*

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Tanize: It doesn't need a good ending? So, for this chapter, I can type THE END, and that'll be fine????! Kuro's been improving some, he'll get better once he figures out who did those other beatings. He's got an idea about that, finally…. Oh wait. That's still in my notebook… *goes hunting for the composition mini she takes to school with her* Yes, I do a good job of confusing myself! So far as I know, the story is gearing up for the finish, so the master plan is supposed to be wrapping up the loose ends.

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Gentiamarra: *Muse reappears, looking rather interested* Ah, you're a printer-outer are you? Well, enjoy however you can, I certainly don't mind. J done that myself… a good thing, because the website the story was on is kaput now… *sighs* Yep, Zarbon was the one. Have some lovely piccies of him… just don't think much of the lover in them. *gags… King Kold… (or a transformed Frieza, I can't read the Japanese on it)*

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_I don't know what to do. These letters… I understand why, now, why he hurt me. Why he said he loved me, then started to beat me. But I… I love him, but I… I… I don't… I… can't… trust him. Not anymore. How can I? It's right here, right in front of me. In his own handwriting. He didn't trust me. I put my faith in him, gave him my love, my life, my loyalty… my everything… and he didn't trust me._

Why? Why Trunks? All that time…. How can I believe you? How can I trust you again? All this time, you've betrayed me… and I never even realized it. Never once thought that … I never thought.

Goten read the letters again, trying to understand how he could have stayed with Trunks so long and never known the other had no faith at all in him. Hadn't he hidden how he felt? Hidden his hurt and pain at the way he was treated so well that no one had known? Even Trunks hadn't learned for such a long time. The box didn't have any dates before his twenty-first birthday. Trunks hadn't known that the first time he'd started cutting himself was when he was sixteen… the first he'd known of it was Goten's twenty-first birthday.

A long time ago…

Goten placed the blade just so, pulled. The shallow cut pooled instantly, he carefully repeated the process on his other wrist. And decided there wasn't enough blood. He deepened the cuts, though he didn't make them any longer. He put the bloodied blade on the sink, knowing his mother would believe that he'd cut himself shaving… he'd never had to shave in his entire life…

A mirthless chuckle escaped as the blood ran down his wrists to drip into the sink. He'd left the faucet running, the blood was instantly swooshed away. "I guess I am alive. It's real… it hurts…"

Hands suddenly closed over his wrists, brief energy flaring to seal his wrists. He looked up at the mirror, met Trunks' furious, frantic eyes. "What do you think you're doing!"

"Oh, making sure I wasn't dead yet."

Trunks grabbed him, spun him to slam him back against the sink. He pulled Goten close, kissing him possessively. "Don't you do that! Not ever again! I need you. I love you. Promise me, Goten. Promise me."

He arched himself against Trunks instead, using every bit sensuality, sexuality that he had, molding his body to the older demi's. Trunks hadn't resisted at all when he'd gotten a fistful of hair and pulled him close, fastening his lips against the others. The resulting, frantic sex had been fabulous… and left Goten feeling even more empty than before when his lover left the party shortly after, with two girls he'd informed Goten he was going to take.

_I know why now. Why he took them. He never did get me to promise… and I've fulfilled my promise to Vegeta._ His fingers moved of their own accord, between the bed and the wall, to the little packet taped there. A shiny, new blade was lifted from the packet, it was replaced. He turned the blade, back and forth, back and forth, watching the light catch and reflect from it.

_Does it matter any more? That he still says he loves me? Does it matter that I don't want to live without him? I'm not needed now. No one needs me. Kuro and Vegeta are taking care of Mother. Gohan… I don't think I even exist to him. Trunks doesn't need me… not really. He just… he just wants me to come back so he can hurt me. I don't need him to hurt me. I can hurt myself._

A thin line of blood followed the shallow trail the sharp blade sliced into his skin. He watched it well up.

"Do you really want to die, whelp?"

"I… don't know." Goten laid the blade on the nightstand, looked at the shallow cut. He'd had deeper paper cuts. "I… don't know what to do. What to believe. All this time… I never knew he thought he couldn't trust me. I… don't know what to think."

"Does bleeding help?" Vegeta entered the room, running his thumb over the small wound. "Do you think better if your blood is running?"

"Noo… I just…. He'll hurt me again. I don't need him to hurt me… I can do that myself!" The words were defiant, but his body cried defeat. Vegeta looked down at him, long suppressed compassion rising. He rested a hand on Goten's head for just a moment.

"I see that. But I… will not make your decision for you. You are much like your father… but my son is nothing like me. Don't… no."

"Don't what?"

Vegeta sighed. "Don't automatically think that because I'm gentle with your father, Trunks will be with you. He's got years of physical abuse ingrained as a habit. I merely insulted your father every chance I got."

"He'd smile and laugh it off, then go somewhere to be alone and cry. Abuse is abuse… it all hurts." He picked up the older letter, held it out. "Why?"

Vegeta took it, read over it swiftly. "You were easy to read. I knew he'd done as I told him the next time I saw you… you looked like a Saiyan who'd just lost a mate. I knew then what I'd told him was wrong. I'd seen what happens to a Saiyan who loses his mate - it isn't pretty."

Both glanced toward the door, faint smiles appearing on their faces when they caught each other looking. "Yes, your father is my mate now, in the proper Saiyan style."

"Proper… style?"

"Yes. You and Trunks aren't, I checked while I was taking care of you."

"Checked?"

Vegeta reclined in the chair at the end of the bed, and proceeded to educate Goten on Saiyan mating. The younger man's eyes got rather wide at one point, as Vegeta was describing in detail a portion of his mating with Kuroichi, but his attention never wavered. "Do you have any questions?"

"No… that's really physically possible?"

Vegeta snorted and ruffled the younger man's hair. "Kuroichi is an amazing lover." He got up and left the room, tail swaying lazily behind him.

Goten watched him leave, and spent a few dazzled minutes just contemplating the sheer sexual energy that Saiyan mating required. His expression darkened again as he turned his mind back to Trunks. He picked up the second letter, glancing through it for the part he remembered having read. _We spent so many years in that twisted way of life, that I don't know that I wouldn't do something bad to you without even meaning to. I can't promise I wouldn't hurt you._

He traced those lines. _Kuro said that… I would be stronger if I stopped hiding. I don't have to hide what I am anymore. Vegeta took care of that. He called me Trunks' mate, in front of everyone. He must have expected us to make it official that night… and instead…._ Again he read a line or two. Trunks hadn't stopped hurting him after he'd moved in. _I guess I thought that since your Dad wasn't having a problem with us being together, that maybe you'd tell everyone, that maybe things would have been like our first time. It hurt… but you didn't hurt _me._ Instead, living with you…_

He shied away from the memories, his arms wrapping around his body. He bent forward, shivering, trying hard not to remember. But he couldn't forget. The nightmare of that time had visited him before; he choked back a sob now as he fought against the phantom pains they brought. He'd fought so hard to appear normal to Vegeta and Kuroichi, his mother, his friends. Except for Vegeta, who'd come to comfort him, everyone had been fooled. But even Vegeta hadn't known the extent of it.

The spars were harsh & furious. He'd never taken a full senzu after them, had never been completely healed. Broken bones had been partially mended, only to break later in the evening when Trunks would rape him. A sliver of bean would partially mend them again, and then the next spar.

Goten turned to face the wall, pulled the blankets up over his head, curling up. Korin had asked, once, why he was always needing beans. He'd made up some stupid excuse about being the Saiyan runt - and started rationing them. He still had to get beans more often than Vegeta or his father, and rationed them further. A quarter of a bean for a spar became an eighth, dropping continuously until he was taking the tiniest sliver that would heal him enough for people to not notice his hurts.

Before he'd moved in with Trunks, he'd had a week or two between visits, sometimes. He hadn't done anything beyond basic chores then, spending a lot of time resting in the forest willing his body to heal. But after moving in… there had been daily spars and nightly rapes. His remaining beans had been radically reduced - even after he'd reduced the amount of bean he ate. He'd had only two the night Vegeta had claimed he was Trunks' mate, and his last one he'd been fed the next morning when Trunks had… finished with him.

__

"How dare you?! You want to die so badly? Here, let me help! Maybe if I puncture a lung, you can quit breathing! Doesn't that sound fun, Goten? Isn't that what you want? Don't try and block me, you bastard! You want to die! Do you think I don't know what all that blood is from? It's yours, not the remains of some bloody dinner you decided to snack on on the bedroom floor! Take this! And this and this and let's not forget this! If you want to die, I'll help!"

Goten shivered. Those words hadn't hurt the most. No, it was the ones that came next. _"I've done this for us, Goten, because you were too weak. Well, I guess you're too weak in too many ways. I don't want a weak lover, I want a strong one. You want to die, that's fine. You die. You kill yourself. Just make sure you get out of my house first. I don't want to come back from my trip and find your stinking carcass. Actually… even if you decide to live, get out. I don't want you here. I've wasted too many years on you."_

Boot heels thumped across the floor. Something scraped, then the sound of the boots coming closer. He gagged on the bean the other thrust in his mouth. "I want you to remember this. I loved you. I really did. I loved you so much I even stood up to your mother for you… and all you did was try and kill yourself again."

Only now, curled in the small bed in his mother's home, did he remember the last thing Trunks had said as he'd left. _"My father was right about you after all. You aren't good enough to mate."_

Teeth pierced his lip as he fought against the tears that came. He'd forgotten that, lost in the numb haze that had overtaken him when he'd realized that Trunks was so angry with him he'd been willing to kill him himself. In the end, he just screamed. Screamed and screamed and screamed, unheard by anyone, because he'd learned how to be scream silently.

--------------------------------------------------

Trunks: But… but… …

Jewel: Eh?

Vegeta: *is still examining the line about describing mating in detail*

Trunks: He'll hate me now!

Goten: I think you're right.

Trunks: NOOOO! Muse! Muse! I beg your forgiveness!

Vegeta: WHAT?

Goku: How could you say that, Trunks!

Trunks: But look what he's doing to Goten!

Goku: I meant to Go…. HOW DARE YOU BEG MUSE'S FORGIVENESS!

Goten: Oh, just for that I should definitely not choose you.

Trunks: *meeps*

Gohan: I thought I was supposed to make an appearance?

Trunks: *gets down on his knees and flings his arms around Goten's waist*

Trunks: NOOOO! I want to keep you!

Goten: *grins, pats purple hair* Okay.

Trunks: *all happy now, purring*

Vegeta: *shaking head in disgust*

Gohan: Um, my appearance?

Goku: *smiles at Truten*

Gohan: Hello? Anybody?

Jewel: Oh, hush. You pissed Muse off when you beat him up.

Gohan: WHAT ABOUT WHAT HE DID TO DAD?

Goku: *suddenly looks traumatized*

Vegeta: *scowls*

Jewel: He's planning to do more to your dad.

Goku: *looks more traumatized, whimpers*

Vegeta: *sighs, goes over, huggles Kakarot*

Goku: *melts*

Everyone else: *passes out from shock*

Now, how come on the Bardock special and just about any flashback involving Kakarot goes to Earth, he leaves just before the planet gets blown to HFIL, but Raditz shows up when Gohan's 5 ½ and says the planet blew up 3 years ago? *scowls* Highly inconsistent.


	54. Death

Muse: What the hell? I can't come out anymore?

Vegeta: I can't beat on Muse?

Goku: Yea! Muse can't fondle me anymore!

Muse: fumes

Jewel: Um, I post this story on media miner now too. You can keep coming out. waves at those confused readers on mm.org

Muse: smirks, promptly fondles Goku

Goku: MEEP!

Vegeta: sends Muse flying with a well-placed kick

Vegeta: comforts shaken Kakarot, scowls This is becoming a bad habit.

----------------------------------

He really wasn't sure what woke him up. Something missing. Something that had always been. He slipped from the bed, padded quietly across the room to listen at the door. The quiet murmur of the brook in the distance, the wind chimes. Nothing out of place. He started down the hallway, stopping every few steps to scent the air and listen, instincts on alert. Something wasn't right.

He understood when he reached her room. It was her energy signal that was missing. Quietly, he crossed the room. She looked peaceful, the lines of pain and worry he'd always noticed gone now. "Goodbye, Mother."

He returned to his room.

------------------------------------

Jewel: Well, I've seen shorter chapters.

Vegeta: Really?

Jewel: Read something written by Sylvester Stallone. He's got chapters one sentence long. One short sentence.

long silence

Jewel: Er, um, yeah, I have read actual books written by the above person.

long silence

Jewel: Muse, maybe you better work on that reconciliation thing.

Trunks: Yeah! Do that!

Goten: Wait, aren't I still mad at you?

Truten: look at Muse

Muse: mad at Vegeta

Muse: deliberates, shakes head no

Truten: We're getting together?

Muse: shrugs, not being happy with Truten, either

Goku: pleading Son puppy dog eyes

Muse: smirks

Goku: hides behind Vegeta

Vegeta: lets him


	55. Decision

"Mother doesn't need me anymore. Dad… Dad has Vegeta." The plain white ceiling made a fascinating view. "But Trunks… I'm… afraid. I'm afraid. I love you… but I don't want to be hurt anymore. I can't… I can't take any more pain."

Now the tears came, slipping silently down his cheeks. Scattered memories assaulted him. The verbal abuse his father had lived under for so many years, from both his wife and the man he loved. The physical abuse he'd been through himself. Those last words Trunks had said. All the times his love had called him weak before beating him into the ground. The feel of a razor slicing through his skin. Watching his blood pool, until he was almost too weak to move, and only then getting the bean sliver. The rapes.

He saw his father at the pool, crying his heart out. Lying on that bed, scarred and bandaged, as Vegeta told him his father was dead. Trying to clean his blood from the walls with a tattered paper towel. Saw him slowly come to life under Vegeta's care, saw the sparkle vanishing again when he took his place at his wife's side. Saw the pride in his father's eyes when he'd given Goten the capsule with his clothes after Vegeta had claimed him as part of his family.

Saw Vegeta accepting him, comforting him, offering encouragement. Remembered that strong, warm body pressed against his own as he'd sobbed into the other man's chest. Remembered the acceptance, the way the man had been the father to him his own had never been able to be. And understood, finally, why his father had always been so distant. "Daddy… I'm sorry… I should have been a better son. I should have seen…" He burrowed his face into the pillows, his body shaking as he at last allowed himself to truly cry.

Kuroichi stood just outside the door. _I… do I knock? Do I offer comfort? I… I left him. I let Vegeta pull me away… and he… he is no longer truly my son._ He knocked.

Goten opened the door. "Kuroichi?"

"Goten… your…. It's your mother…"

"She's been gone about four hours," Goten interrupted quietly. "I've seen her. Someone should probably tell Gohan."

"I… don't know his new number…" Kuroichi admitted quietly.

"There isn't a phone here, anyway," Goten reminded him.

"Actually, there is. Vegeta saw to that while you were sick."

Goten nodded slightly. "Then I guess I'd better call him."

"Goten… I'm sorry."

He met his father's eyes squarely. "There's nothing to be sorry for, Daddy." And then, he collapsed into the arms that opened for him. They mourned together. And together, they tended the old woman's body, preparing it for burial. Only then did Goten approach the phone.

He picked it up slowly, holding it to his ear. Listened to the dial tone. Solemnly, his hand moved, his finger carefully pressing each required key. Then he waited, listening to the ringing.

"Hello?"

"Gohan, it's me."

"Oh, Goten. What is it?"

His jaw clenched at the almost indifferent quality his brother's voice suddenly took on. "It's Mother," he began.

"Look, Goten. I told you, old humans get a little strange. It's nothing to worry about."

"Gohan…"

"Goten, I've got an important meeting this morning. Mom's just getting older, that's all. So stop worrying about it."

"Gohan, she's…"

"Goten, I have to go now. I'll see you in a week or two." Click.

"… dead." Goten hung up the phone very carefully. He walked silently to his mother's room, gathered her body gently. These last few months with her, he'd realized that she truly had thought he was Goku when she'd raped him… had realized that her mind had been slowly shredding over the years. He harbored no ill-feelings toward his mother anymore.

Goten walked from the room, Kuroichi and Vegeta suddenly flanking him when he exited the house. He lead the way to his mother's favorite sitting area. And as his father had done many years before, he blasted a grave to hold the remains of someone he respected. Kuroichi and Vegeta remained silent, though both helped to cover her.

In continued silence, he lead the way back to the house, and into the kitchen. Quite calmly, he began preparing breakfast for them, ignoring the tears that ran down his cheeks.

"You're welcome at our house, brat." Vegeta eventually broke the increasingly uneasy silence.

Goten shook his head. "This is my home."

"Trunks?"

Goten raised teary eyes to his father. And slowly, his power began to rise.

-----------------------

Gohan: spluttering incoherently

Goku: blinking in dismay

Trunks: suddenly looks very anticipatory

Goten: Geez, my brother's an ass.

Muse: looks very smug

Gohan: notices Muse, SSJ2, advances very threateningly

Muse: Yawns, checks script, grins

All Saiyans: suddenly nervous WHAT?

Muse: grins again, heads towards his bedroom

Goku: blinks, suddenly looks woeful He didn't try to fondle me!

Jewel: Oh, Sephfy-muse is on vacation with him. He's got his hands VERY full.

Goku: flushes Oh.

Vegeta: very smoothly Kakarot, is that disappointment I hear?

Goku: flustered Um, no?

Gohan: I AM NOT LIKE THAT!!!!! heads towards Muse's bedroom. Opens door. Gapes. Shuts it. There are some things I should not know about.


	56. Epilogue

"Mom? Goten?" Gohan walked through the door. Dust covers draped the furniture, and many of the pictures that had hung on the wall were gone. An envelope with his name on it was propped up on the mantle. He crossed over to read it.

__

Gohan,

I'm sorry you were too busy to take my call this morning. I had something important to tell you, but maybe you can see that now. I've gone to live with Trunks. He's going to try to stop abusing me, and I'm going to try and stop letting him abuse me. Father and Vegeta are very happy together - in case no one got around to telling you that Kuroichi is who our father became after that fight with Mother about our adopted sister.

As for Mother, you'll find her out by that old oak she loved so well, beneath the rose arbor. I wish you could have been here for the funeral. I wish I knew why you wouldn't listen to what I was trying to tell you when she was so sick, why you never came to see us, and why you cut me off when I tried to let you know she was gone. But, it's too late now to matter.

I won't try to contact you again. I know you're busy. So I'll just leave this letter here, where you will find it when you have time to visit.

Goten

-----------------------------------------

Yes, dears, that is the end.

Gohan: spluttering

Goten: Uh, okay.

Trunks: But what happened with us?

Jewel: blinks Oh. Truten got together, didn't you see that part? points to appropriate line Details are in Forgiven, which isn't written yet.

Vegeta: But who beat Kakarot?

Goku: Yeah, who was beating me?

Jewel: Well, for anyone who didn't pick it up from the hints, the answer's in Kuro's Escape. Err, will be. That part isn't written yet either.

Gohan: icily Do you have any idea what a jackass I seem to be?

Jewel: Of course. Muse hates you, I think.

Gohan: Does Muse plan to explain why I've been a jackass or missing throughout the entire story?

Jewel: …… goes to check

Jewel: comes back Possibly.

Goku: looking around nervously Is he still with Sephfy-Muse?

Jewel: Yep.

Vegeta: Good, then he won't see this. kisses Kakarot

Goku: mrp???mmmm! kisses back

Everyone else: . nosebleeds, passing out, etc.


End file.
